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[Anonymous]

I feel like killing myself again. It's one of those times when I feel so overwhelmed by my depression that I kind of plan things again. It's been 4 years since my last attempt and thought I was doing quite well. Until now, that is. To make things worse is I'm schizoid.

Oh well.

[stilllovelyafte]

We're all here for you. Can you tell us a little more about what is going on? Maybe we can be of help! Please consider reaching out to some local support resources as well.

[Jim1454]

You need to start talking about how you're feeling. Reach out to someone you know and let them know that it has gotten this bad again. Nobody that you know wants you to be feeling as bad as you do right now.

There is help available too. You don't need to feel as bad as you do, even though at the moment you can't imagine feeling any other way. You've got to the point where you figure you deserve to feel the way you do, but you don't. Life doesn't have to be so dark and lonely.

Write to me or anyone else on the staff if you want to discuss what is going on. You're not alone.

[Sunsetting]

i sincerely understand and i won't...i can't give in to all that crap either in my life. i am with you and to echo what the other guys are saying... it helps to tell someone and get a new perspective

[Anonymous]

Well that's the thing.. I can't talk about it to anyone no matter how hard I try. I've seen therapists, psychiatrists, taken medication and nothing really worked.

[stilllovelyafte]

Why not talk a little more about it here? Just give it a shot - even anonymously. What's going on at the moment that is so difficult for you? I'm sure some of us have been there (or currently are there). I'll be online later tonight and will check up on this thread in case you're up for sharing more.

Obviously, you need to listen to your mental health professionals, just know you have some virtual friends here to listen if you're up to chat.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to, but I can't. I've built too many walls for me to 'get out' or other people to 'get in'.

My whole life I literally haven't talked to anyone about my feelings and just by saying this much I'm freaking out already.

[stilllovelyafte]

OP, I'm the same way. I went decades without sharing what's going on. The first place I did was with my therapist and with EC. Of course, I don't want to pressure you, but please know we are here to listen. For me, it was very reassuring to know, however strange my experiences might have been, at least a few people on EC had been there as well.

For me, there were many walls. Once I started knocking them down though, things started to feel better.

Hope you're feeling a little better today.

[Sunsetting]

yep, i had a hard time expressing anything openly most especially from when i was 14 and had three deaths in my family in two months. i have started learning how to open up slowly. you will and we can. it takes time. and i just have to be gracious with myself...you too....

[Robert]

What are you afraid of?

[Jim1454]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I'd like to, but I can't. I've built too many walls for me to 'get out' or other people to 'get in'.

My whole life I literally haven't talked to anyone about my feelings and just by saying this much I'm freaking out already.

If you're freaking out already, you might as well carry on. Why not? What do you have to lose? You're contemplating killing yourself. I'm not sure anything is worse than that...

[Anonymous]

I find a lot of things worse than death and that includes opening up, spiders and frogs.

[Jim1454]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I find a lot of things worse than death and that includes opening up, spiders and frogs.

So some of us are genuinely concerned about people when they talk about being suicidal.

Presenting death as something favourable to frogs and spiders was perhaps an attempt at humour, but I didn't find it funny.

If you managed to sit there and type, anonymously, the above statement, you should be able to type about what it is that is really bothering you.