why do gay people "out" other gay or questioning people

[Anonymous]

i was wondering about this. why do people that know what its like to be gay or questioning try and gossip and out people. its very immature but why do they do it? i guess they know they have some power over you if you're hiding but the fact that there aer a lot of people out there like this is the very reason why people dont want to explore because they fear someone will out them. i just read a post of a married guy that came out because someone was going to out him. i just dont understand this.

[sanguine]

well you have to understand the factors that may have made this person blackmail the married guy into coming out, there is always 2 sides of a coin and you cant make a judgement unless you see both, and the other reason for gossip is because people can, its what they do to make themselves feel better about themselves

[Ridiculous]

Some gay people didn't have a difficult time coming to terms with their homosexuality, so they may assume this is the case for other people and have no problem with outing them because to them it just isn't an issue.

They may be acting in the best interest of the person they are outing, thinking that it would be in their advantage if they came out, so they take the initiative to nudge them along.

Most people like to have power over others, so this could be a reason, particularly if the person they are outing is very reluctant and the outer has something to gain (the blackmail situation).

They may just not be thinking, and let it slip without realising.

They may just like drama and gossip, as Sanguine said.

[midwestgirl89]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

i was wondering about this. why do people that know what its like to be gay or questioning try and gossip and out people. its very immature but why do they do it? i guess they know they have some power over you if you're hiding but the fact that there aer a lot of people out there like this is the very reason why people dont want to explore because they fear someone will out them. i just read a post of a married guy that came out because someone was going to out him. i just dont understand this.

I also have a really hard time understanding why someone would do that. I don't understand why people (gay people especially in this circumstance) would be so insensitive and uncaring. I've never believed in outing someone. I'm sure all of us on EC would not believe in outing. It seems as though people who out others simply don't put themselves in another person's shoes. They don't realize how hard it can be for that specific person to come out. Maybe they haven't been through as much self-doubt or fear regarding their sexuality so they figure....it's no big deal, why not just push them out of the closet so they can be honest?

It is very immature but gossip is something that happens in many groups, regardless of sexual orientation. I absolutely hate gossip. Some people are attracted to gossip and outing others is definitely a gossip producing topic.

I know some people that have been outed by LGBT people. And I've been outed by LGBT individuals. You'd think they would be more understanding, but it sometimes isn't the case. They may be so comfortable in their own identity that they forget what it was like to be in the closet.

I don't think there's ever an appropriate excuse for outing someone. It's just plain wrong. In every circumstance. :thumbsdown: to gossip and outing people.

[fiddlemiddle]

I had an friend on facebook who outed me after I put an message on my profile. I believe some friends could have seen it before I deleted it. I out to some people but not to everyone and not ready to.

[Sunsetting]

generally the guys i have noticed have been the ones who, beneath the surface, wanted to feel better about themselves by "outing" other people. they also tended to be more self-centered which and saw their "needs" above another person's need to figure out if it was a "phase" which sometimes it is or something more enduring. all in all, i think it's an insensitivity thing, sometimes intentional, sometimes not.

[Robert]

Because they're insensitive morons who are so insecure about being seen as boring by other people that they will blabber about any shit just so they can seem interesting for a brief period of time.



But, if you're talking about history, gays used to out other gays because they believed that the more gays that were out of the closet, the faster civil liberties and human rights would be bestowed upon the gay community as a whole.

[Paper Heart]

To me, outing is a very controversial issue. In regards to, for example, Perez Hilton's search for closeted Hollywood stars, I find disgusting. These are people making a living, even though they are in the public eye. They have no obligation to come out, however, as noted, some out gays have had easier times or have a vendetta against the closet.

The only way I can excuse outing is if the person outed is using his/her influence to make life hell for the LGBT community, whether on a large or small scale, from the Ted Haggard's to the small town bully. And even then, I feel almost bad for the outed.

[Lexington]

Three possibilities.

1. The outer wasn't aware that the person was closeted. It's surprising how often this happens. I'll hear from somebody that they got "outed", and when I ask for the whole story, they'll say the person who outed them "should have known that it was a secret". So, y'know, make SURE everybody you tell in confidence KNOWS that they're being told in confidence.

2. People like to blab, or they're being vindictive. This DOES happen, but not as commonly as it used to. Mainly because "being gay" isn't quite the bombshell it was twenty years ago.

3. They deserve to be outed. These situations are few and far between, but they do exist. Not long ago, a politician was outed by a couple former lovers (and a gay bar owner, I think). Reason being - this politician made anti-gay legislation a large part of his political platform. If anyone gay is going to push an anti-gay platform in order to shore up political support, I feel their constituents have the right to know that the person they're supporting is actually gay.

Lex

[peanutbutter]

Originally Posted by midwestgirl89

I also have a really hard time understanding why someone would do that. I don't understand why people (gay people especially in this circumstance) would be so insensitive and uncaring. I've never believed in outing someone. I'm sure all of us on EC would not believe in outing. It seems as though people who out others simply don't put themselves in another person's shoes. They don't realize how hard it can be for that specific person to come out. Maybe they haven't been through as much self-doubt or fear regarding their sexuality so they figure....it's no big deal, why not just push them out of the closet so they can be honest?

It is very immature but gossip is something that happens in many groups, regardless of sexual orientation. I absolutely hate gossip. Some people are attracted to gossip and outing others is definitely a gossip producing topic.

I know some people that have been outed by LGBT people. And I've been outed by LGBT individuals. You'd think they would be more understanding, but it sometimes isn't the case. They may be so comfortable in their own identity that they forget what it was like to be in the closet.

I don't think there's ever an appropriate excuse for outing someone. It's just plain wrong. In every circumstance. :thumbsdown: to gossip and outing people.

It is very immature to gossip. I have this motto anything that I say or someone says behind anyone's back I should be able to say it to them directly. Even better just talk that individual.

Outing others is the worst thing to do. I know of people who have done that and that child ended up homeless, raped to prove that they are str8. It can totally destroy someones self esteem.

I also don't think there's ever an appropriate excuse for outing someone even if they are out to everyone else but two people. That is their business. Not mine.

I hate gossip. It never leads to good.