Messy conflicts in my sexuality and gender

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'd be interested in people's thoughts on this. At school I was a crossdresser (I'm male BTW) but only had crushes on girls, around college (or high school) and university age seriously started to search on the Internet for pictures of MtF trans people (the more convincing the better) as they were my biggest turn-on, and then after uni (in my late 20s now) slowly shifted into finding 'proper' gay porn by far the most arousing and much less interested in 'shemale porn', but throughout finding women I meet the most attractive, to look at and personality wise, and also continuing to crossdress (I guess it counts as a fetish), where would people say that leaves me on the sexuality stage? Am I pansexual and pangendered?


I just feel like an absolute mess of contradictions.

Through all this I'd never had any relationships or sexual contact with anyone, I've only recently started to dabble with both sexes.

Have I always been gay and not known it and the trans stuff was a sort of half-way strategy to not accept being gay, which I am finally getting over? I'm out to people about being probably gay, but I've never gone into the full details of my history with anyone.

[Anonymous]

just cuz you cross dress doesnt mean you automatically are mtf/genderqueer e.t.c
you can be male and just like womens clothing theres nowt wrong wi that.
and some people 'can' have fetishes for trans people, if thats a fetish of yours then so be it. everyone has different fetishes.

try to stop worrying what things 'make you'. dont feel so pressured to label yourself just go with the flow. if you like somethign you like something, if you like someone you like someone.


im attracted to women, but i can find guys attractive i just dont want them in my bed.
and i could possibly fall in love with a guy in the future, who knows. i dont worry about it, if it happens, it happens.

(idk if this is any help lol... sorry)

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the reply, I understand I should just like who I like etc and not worry about it. but I'd like a bit of consistency in my prefernces so I know what I'm looking for. I'm pretty sure I don't want to change sex, obviously I've wondered in the past, probably as every crossdresser does, but I'm certain that I don't want to transition.

In fact, and this is probably going to sound truly bizarre, my crossdressing convinced me that I must be straight, as pretty much all the websites I found make a big point of reassuring that the majority of crossdressers are straight and married.

I hear there is a big market out there amongst self-described 'straight' men for transexuals but from what I can tell it seems to be mainly hookup orientated, and I don't want that.

Maybe I just need to give myself more time, but, to quote The Smiths 'I've already waited too long.'