Ugh this sucks..

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine has me on his shit list. I get an email the other day entitled 'disappointed' and all it reads is 'Go F Yourself, That is All'. My friend is also gay, but not out - we used to live together and are supposed to very close friends. So what I think sparked this:

He was talking about casual hookups, meeting randoms off the net and going to sex clubs.. he seems to always go on about how he is kinky or how he wants to do nasty sexual stuff.. I don't like hearing this stuff - I'm out and have been for 3 years and am not the type of guy to care for casual encounters. So anyway, long story short - I told him he is a 'wannabe sex pig'.. which is true, as 99% is all talk with him..

So unless I've done something else I'm not aware of, I am quite hurt by this. I sent an email saying that I was hurt and that I don't know why he has carried on this way etc and that I feel like he wants to drag me into his depravity which I have no interest in. I have been burnt in the past from random sex stuff and he knows this all too well, so I also reiterated that fact. Also the fact I was just expressing my views!

So anyway - no contact all week, I left a message on his phone, but nothing. He used to live with me and has some loose ends to tie up + owes me money. I don't know what to do, I'm quite pissed off..Hes even a reference on resumes I've put out. This SUCKS! What do I do!?

[Tiny Catastrophe]

I think you should send him another message and tell him that he needs to act like an adult and talk to you about whatever issue he has with you and sort out things with you. If he doesn't respond after a while and continues acting like a child I would say maybe take legal action (small claims court) for the money he owes you if it's a significant amount of money. As for the friendship, if he doesn't want to act like an adult and talk to you about why he's feeling this way then maybe it's not worth the effort. That's the best I've got.

[insidehappy]

he seems immmature. i would take him off any new resumes. you sound like you have already contacted him several times to get an explanation of what is up and he is not responding. he seems like he is drama. cut your losses and move on. he seems toxic like black mold that has gotten in the apartment walls.

[Eric]

Add a filter to send all of his emails to your junk mail folder, and take him off your resume. He's obviously got issues if he's going to spend his free time spamming your inbox and insulting you just because of something you said. Granted, it wasn't exactly the nicest thing to say in the first place, and I would be a little pissed off if someone called me a "wannabe sex pig", but I wouldn't take it to the point of harassing you, and I don't think many mature, responsible people would either. You can hope that he'll eventually move on, but that won't happen until he grows up.

[Sunsetting]

i'm sorry this had to happen bro. it sounds like you are hurt and angry at the same time. since you don't know what brought him to this, i would give him some time to think. you might want to ask a mutual friend if they know what's up on the DL and consider writing him another note, e-mail or physical in a week; not accusational, because you already know he was in a volatile place. going forward, maybe a letter trying to understand where he's coming from and (get ready to choke) apologize for even the .01% where you may have hurt him. i think he's hurt and working through things with himself both in general and with his sexuality. if you are his only connection to the gay community, he might have used you as target practice because of his discomfort with himself.

on the practical side, like inside said, for now, change references. all the physical stuff is replaceable. but i am convinced he's in pain beneath the anger and might even eventually want to consider counseling. again, i'm so sorry this happened to you. you have to determine if you really want him out of your life or if it is a real friendship. if it wasn't a true friendship, it may be time to move on, but even so forgive him as best you can so you don't have poison surging through your veins. if you were close friends, my sincere hope in time is for a real reconciliation.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thanks for the replies guys. I sent him another text last night just saying 'are you avoiding me, what is up?' and nothing so far..

The thing with him is he says he has bipolar disorder.. one day it will be up up up and then its just the pits of hell. I already told him I don't care about the money and I really don't.. However, as my counsellor says, avoidance is abuse, and I really don't need this kind of crap in my life right now.

I'm actually in a point in my life where I'm trying to sort a lot of things out and I had told him this. I have had a rough time recently, and am just starting to come out of it. It really feels as if he has sensed I am moving forward in a positive direction and its something he has to destroy.. it feels toxic like insidehappy said.. it happened once before when he lived with me, where he just ignored me and would hide in his room..same feeling..

Sunsetting - thanks for your wisdom - yeah, hes off the resume for sure and I think I'll just have to give it time, but I dont think our friendship will bounce back this time, at least not to what it was.. he lives a long ways away from here now, I can't have his shit on my doorstep anymore..Definitely something to think about if he is my 'true friend' or not - I would never tell anyone to just go f themselves like that if they were a friend - hows the saying go burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me.