What's wrong with me? Am I gay?

[Anonymous]

I'm confused about my sexuality. It seems like there is something wrong with me. I'm a lesbian and I've known this for several years. I had strong feelings for a girl when I was 18 and then another girl when I was 19..but after that...I haven't had strong feelings for anyone. I'm 24 now. I have been attracted to women but I haven't had a real crush in quite a while.

Two girls liked me and I kissed them and....felt nothing. I didn't have any feelings for them whatsoever even though they were attractive and gay. However when I was 18 I kissed the girl I liked and I loved it. The girl from when I was 18 broke my heart and I have been having a hard time connecting physically or emotionally with anyone ever since.

Should I be worried if I don't feel even the tiniest spark with girls who I have kissed for the last 5 years? I have also kissed guys and that was even worse. I definitely don't want a romantic relationship with a man.

I can picture a romance in my head with a woman but then it falls flat in real life. I can do the whole "friend" thing but I always seem to be attracted to straight women. What is wrong with me? I don't want to be asexual or something.

[insidehappy]

since noone responded to your post i will take a shot at it.

1. you say "are you gay" and then you say you are a lesbian in the first sentence and you have known you were a lesbian since 19. i would say the answer to "are you gay" is yes because you have said this yourself.

2. what's wrong with you: nothing. you seem to have built up a wall after the girl you liked dumped you. that is understandable and it can hurt. these other people dont compare to her in your mind and they dont compare to the fantasy romantic situations you have been daydreaming about. therefore, when you kiss them, you feel nothing. this is also understandable. you feel nothing because you really dont like them that much.

i think you just haven't foudn someone you're really into and you're waiting for that and that's ok. being gay does not mean that you are automatically interested in everyone from the same sex. if just means that when you are intersted in someone, its from teh same sex. if you were straight...all guys wouldn't turn you on. same with girls.

i think you should work on letting go of the 18 year old girl/situation. also, get out of fantasy life. yes those romedy comedy movies that we dream up in our head are perfect but reality is never exactly the same.

best thing for you to do is just start out with everything as friends. you seem like a slow cooker. you need to things to develop from a friendship into something more. if yoiu dont want to kiss someone, dont. because you will not like it. save it for someone you're really interested in. till then just be friends with other lesbians and you may find that the romantic comedy you have been wishing for happens natural and you didnt' even notice it during the time it was happeneing.

[silverhalo]

Hey I agree with insidehappy. I think that often if you imagine something for quite a while and you start imagining how amazing its going to be when you get to it in reality you get disappointed. Have you ever in life tried to organise a day or a weekend to be the best day or weekend ever and you put so much effort in and then in the end its ok but its not as amazing as you think its going to be, and then another weekend you dont plan at all, its purely spur of the moment and it ends up being amazing. Well thats just the way it goes.

I also agree that it sounds to me like, the girl when you were 18 really hurt you and perhaps the fact you only crush on straight girls is because they are safe, you can let your imagination run wild because you are safe in the knowledge that they are straight and nothing is ever going to happen between you. The gay girls on the other hand, some are attractive and it seems like you get to the point where you think something more than friends could happen and then you feel nothing, almost like your brain is protecting you from ever being in a situation where you could be hurt like that again.