How viable are non-sexual relationships?

[Anonymous]

I am a gay male and my best friend is a lesbian (although she may be a bit bi but not sure). Now I never had a relationship since I am only out to a few people (including her) so I don't really have any experience when it comes to a relationship or things like that. We have a lot in common and to be honest, I think we would be a really good couple if we weren't both gay. As I said I don't have much relationship experience so I can't tell if this is just because we are really good friends, I don't know if there is any different "feelings" associated with someone that you actually want to go out with.

To my main point, I am almost positive that I am exclusively sexually attracted to males but I wondered if I could somehow try and have a non-sexual relationship with her just because it seems like it would work well, other than the fact that I don't think I would be comfortable with any sexual things with her. She identifies as a lesbian, but in confidence she says that she isn't sure and that she might be somewhat be. In fact, once she sort of asked me out very implicitly but I sort of ignored it.

So in general, how viable are non-sexual relationships? I know it probably depends on the parties involved but I was just looking for a general opinion..

[Zontar]

I wouldn't do one.

[Anonymous]

Why would you wanna be in a relationship with your friend knowing that you are gay and you only like men. I'm sorry, but it doesn't make too much sense for me. Having things in common does not mean much more than that. That's not a valid reason to be in a relationship with anyone. If it were for that, I would be dating my cousin.
I think you need to be in a relationship with someone you find interesting and attractive.

[starfish]

I know a couple like you describe through some friends. They are two straight guys. We call them hetrosexual life partners. It seems to work for them, but I think they are the exception which proves the rule.

Have you discussed this with her?

[Mad Man L]

You could be platonic friends, but you couldn't be in a full on relationship. It just wouldn't work. The best outcome would be after moving through an awkward few months, that you somehow both fall for each other.

And the chance of that is lower than getting washed away in a flash flood caused by your toilet.

[Anonymous]

I'm gay and have a lesbian friend whom I adore! We would be the most awesome couple if we had compatible parts...We've even discussed going out to clubs as a hetero couple just cause it would be fun...I see where you're coming from but in reality it just wouldn't work. You guys are just besties

[Anonymous]

I'm currently in a non-sexual relationship, but it's a long way from friendship. We're two lesbians, we kiss, we hold hands, we act like you would expect a couple to act.... we just don't have sex. I don't think anyone else even knows it's non-sexual, they all just sort of assume. So to answer your question, a non-sexual romantic relationship is completely possible but in order to call it a relationship it needs to be definitely more than friendship. We have everything except sex, and I know other couples who have attempted this....and usually broken up when one of them wanted sex. I guess we have an advantage there in that neither of us has any objection to having sex with each other, we've both had plenty of sex with other people, it just kind of didn't happen that way with us.

[silverhalo]

I think it is possible but most will fail because unless both parties have very low sex drives or are a-sexual then eventually someone will want sex, not necessarily with the other person but with someone. I think its one of those things which will work for some and not for others, and you wont know until you try. I would however say that there is nothing wrong with being really close best friends and still looking, I mean if you meet the right guy you can have a boyfriend and a totally awesome best friend that is like the best of both worlds.

The main sticking point I see is that if she has previously in a round about way asked you out, chances are somewhere down the line if she does kind of like you, she will want the relationship to progress to a physical one which I am getting the impression you wouldnt be comfortable with.

[Chip]

Your lesbian friend can be your close, caring, and loving best friend. But that also leaves room for one or both of you to have romantic partners, too.

Some people have wonderful lifetimes that don't involve romantic partners, and they build a circle of friends -- or just one or two close friends -- that becomes their family. So it can work.

But... why rule anything out? Why not cultivate and develop this wonderful friendship, AND both of you leave open the possibility of finding the loves of your lives? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain

[DJNay]

its interesting that u started this thread, because im friends with a straight guy, but im a lesbian, we kiss and he will occasionlly put his arm around or try to hold my hand because he really loves me and also wants to try a non-sexual relationship. im against it completely because i too beileve that a physical attraction should be there for a relationship, and i am just not attrated to him, only his personality. so in my opinion it wouldnt work, because although we are like the best of friends and have this type of friendship only we understand, it could ruin what we already have.

[Robert]

This is a really interesting situation.

[diniesaur]

I don't understand AT ALL why sexual attraction has anything to do with a relationship! I say you should go for it. If sex is required for a relationship, then what about asexual people? My stepdad's asexual, but he's married to my mom and it works out fine. DON'T limit yourselves just because society says you need to have sex to be in a relationship; love is all you need for a relationship.

[Hana Solo]

My girlfriend of seven months considers herself asexual- doesn't bother me, since I don't want sex before marriage or lifelong commitment anyhow. As long as the emotional is there, then you don't need sex in my opinion. Contact, yes, we kiss and hug still, but the emotional is what is important. I hate the emphasis that has been placed on sex in relationships these days.