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Old 13th Mar 2012, 05:13 AM   #1
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Default Failure.

I'm a failure. I was 6 days clean of cutting (107 before that) and tonight i just lost it and cut. 35 cuts...

Long story short but my boyfriend dumped me randomly out of the blue. I skipped school on Monday, i knew i wouldn't be able to handle him, and went today. It was awful, just seeing him brought back all these memories, and he was happy and laughing.

I'm such a failure.
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Old 13th Mar 2012, 08:40 AM   #2
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Default Re: Failure.

You aren't a failure! Self injury can be addicting, and breaking the habit is extremely hard. You are going to experience setbacks such as these on your road to recovery. While it may not have been the best way to deal with what happened, you were and I would imagine still are very upset. The fact that you relapsed does not make you any less of a person, it doesn't mean you are weak, and it certainly doesn't make you a failure. Is there anything you can do to take your mind off things that do not include cutting, or anyone you know who knows your situation that you can talk to? Hang in there, I am sending good thoughts your way
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Old 13th Mar 2012, 09:44 AM   #3
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Default Re: Failure.

Hey, I might not have much to say, but you're not a failure..Almost everyone goes through this. We'll be here to support you through your tough times.
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Old 13th Mar 2012, 10:34 AM   #4
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Default Re: Failure.

You made it six days, which means you didn't fail. It does mean you're back to zero on the count, but let's see you stretch it to seven. Or ten. And beyond.

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Old 13th Mar 2012, 08:36 PM   #5
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Default Re: Failure.

OP here:

School today was alright... I couldn't wear stockings because they cling to scabs and hurt. So a girl in my art class saw my cuts, yanked my skirt up and examines the cuts. Then she goes, "only 35? That's pathetic." I'm instantly triggered and spend most of art snapping a rubber band on my wrist to help the urges.

During art, the only class I have with my ex, he mouths to me, "are you okay?". I mouth back, "no." He then mouths, "are we ok?" again, I mouth no. He mouths something else which I can't understand.

I catch up to him after class and ask him what he meant.

Him: we'll I just thought you might need a couple of days to y'know get over it.
Me: I'm not over it. You lied to me [about loving me, which he said first anyway]
Him: we'll it was just I thought I did but I didn't so I couldn't take it back.
Me: well... Shit happens.

It felt like I had been punched in the chest. I know I'm coming off silly and teenager-y, but I truly believed he loved me. I can't believe I was so stupid as to believe it.

So I went to my Christian Development teacher and explained that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown- which I was (and am). I'm not on my way home.

I'm on my medication for depression, so it's been ages since I've felt this bad. It's horrible. And I'm sorry for whining, I just needed to get it out.
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Old 13th Mar 2012, 08:56 PM   #6
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Default Re: Failure.

Your not whining, letting off steam is very healthy, it's okay. The thing about life that you need to remember is it is filled with good times and bad. It's okay to feel bad because that means, at some point you felt good about something, and if something can make you feel good and happy once then it means something else can make you feel that way again. So you have to take the good with the bad, that is just part of being human. Your relationship might not have worked out this time, but that means you will find the right person who can make you feel that way again.

Keep in mind if you ever need to vent, your in the right place to do it. Hang in there, you'll be okay

Last edited by Mlpguy88; 13th Mar 2012 at 09:07 PM..
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Old 13th Mar 2012, 09:53 PM   #7
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Default Re: Failure.

Six days clean of cutting in certainly not a failure, It's an accomplishment.
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Old 14th Mar 2012, 03:21 AM   #8
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Default Re: Failure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mlpguy88 View Post
The thing about life that you need to remember is it is filled with good times and bad. It's okay to feel bad because that means, at some point you felt good about something, and if something can make you feel good and happy once then it means something else can make you feel that way again. So you have to take the good with the bad, that is just part of being human. Your relationship might not have worked out this time, but that means you will find the right person who can make you feel that way again.
OP here:

I'm just so damn sick of being sad. After being hospitalised twice (suicide attempts) last year, i didn't think i could get worse. I have no idea how i'm going to handle school tomorrow. Thanks anyway
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