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Old 28th Jun 2012, 11:35 AM   #1
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Default roomates that are completely comfortable with my gayness ... what do I do

Ok, I don't actually know what I am asking for here other than the need to just . . . say/write it...

I recently moved in with 2 of my friends. We are good friends, but we've never lived together. They are straight and they both know I am gay and are totally comfortable with it. In fact we are going to pride together. So, in the house, the girls are very open and they don't really see anything wrong with ... well... showing their bodies. They like to hug and cuddle and whatnot. I don't mind it or anything exactly, I just don't know how to handle it. I mean I don't think I am "attracted" to them ... good god I hope not for our friendship sake. I've always kinda avoided too much physical contact with girls... for obvious reasons. I mean they aren't attracted to girls, and they don't have any akwardness about it and it's kinda just normal. I'm just afraid of crossing some sort of inapporpriate line because I like girls. .... Basically, it is just very taunting ...

I've never had a girl friend... I guess maybe I should try to find one so I don't stare at every girl I see ...
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Old 28th Jun 2012, 11:59 AM   #2
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Default Re: roomates that are completely comfortable with my gayness ... what do I do

anon..... i think youre female? maybe im wrong.... i hope im right.... well if you are i so relate.

when any of my straight friends who are girls like get changed in front of me or anything im like urm god where do i look, i dont know why i do it i just do. i dont even like my friends like that but i just feel super awkward and idk why. but if its my gay girl friends i dont care :s

and if it was a guy id be totally fine and carry on talking e.t.c. cuz im not into guys. not that im into my girls as friends idk i just feel ssssuper awk.

i think perhaps its in the back of my mind i might get accused of 'perving' on their bodies, or looking at them the wrong way or something. idk. but then i could flip this all around and say people could think the same about me when i get changed in front of people or w/e. so i dont know haha.

maybe if you were a guy, then they might not do what they are around you? because they arent into girls so it doesnt cross their mind not to do it, whereas if you were a guy they might feel the way you feel now? whather they liked the guy or not.

i dont know if this helps, but i so relate lol
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Old 28th Jun 2012, 12:17 PM   #3
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Default Re: roomates that are completely comfortable with my gayness ... what do I do

hey that was me .. I thought maybe it was a silly question or something and I was a tad embrassed. I didn't know if it was wierd to have this sort of akwardness....

I guess I should be thankful my friends are very comfortable with me being gay...but I don't know what to do.

Same as you, I seriously don't know where to look when they change infront of me, or just walking around in the suite (small living space) with minimal clothing. I start analyzing to myself, what length of time or look is considered stareing and what is normal and what is overreacting ... Do I look, do I not look, do I just RUN AWAY?

If a guy changed in front of me I'd be completely fine with it.

sigh ...

Has anyone ever find a solution?
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Old 28th Jun 2012, 02:08 PM   #4
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Default Re: roomates that are completely comfortable with my gayness ... what do I do

It's so totally not you!! I have a really hard time initiating hugs, touch, or even compliments to women I'm not out to, or women I know are straight. I don't want them to think I'm perving or inappropriate. It has taken me a while to get to the point where if a super-straight friend tells me I'm hot (as straight girls do-so confusing!) to just smile and take it as a compliment-nothing more. Two days ago a friend was over who I highly suspect is bi-romantic at least. She is super-hot and has often complimented me but I just can't bring myself to compliment her back although out of all our friends I'm sure I'm the one most aware of her looks. When she was at my house we were looking at some older photos of her and she obviously dug for a compliment comparing her looks now to then. So i intentionally ans blatantly checked her out and assured her that she looked good. It was like a huge breakthrough for me. Lol But the other day another woman who knows I'm gay took off her shirt in a hotel room when I was there with her and her husband and I got super uncomfortable and simply excused myself from the room with some dumb errand. Maybe that's a good thing through to be able to draw a boundary when we feel we need the space.
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Old 28th Jun 2012, 03:44 PM   #5
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Default Re: roomates that are completely comfortable with my gayness ... what do I do

It isn't just you... although I have more of an issue with other gay women. When I use to play cricket ( and we all know what the cricket girls are like) there were at least 5 gay players on the team. For some reason I use to feel a bit weird in the changing rooms with them. Although that was before I had a girlfriend so it may be different now. Straight women....I guess I have always thought they are a no go area...so I haven't felt uncomfortable.

I think perhaps you should just be happy that they are so accepting of your sexuality they are willing to get changed in front of you. I think I'd be upset if my friends felt they couldn't get changed in front of me for fear of the lesbian pouncing on them!
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Old 29th Jun 2012, 06:52 AM   #6
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Default Re: roomates that are completely comfortable with my gayness ... what do I do

Yay .. it isn't just me.

Quote:
I have a really hard time initiating hugs, touch, or even compliments to women I'm not out to, or women I know are straight. I don't want them to think I'm perving or inappropriate.
this is totally how I feel. I don't want them to think I am somehow taking advantage of them or hitting on them or something (sounds silly even in my head).

But...
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Straight women....I guess I have always thought they are a no go area...so I haven't felt uncomfortable.
even if they are straight and a no go area, I almost don't trust myself enough not to develop feelings.

Quote:
I think I'd be upset if my friends felt they couldn't get changed in front of me for fear of the lesbian pouncing on them!
I would think I'd be def upset as well. And I am not sure a lesbian won't be pouncing on them ...
But to be serious, they are the ones to pounce on me when I least expect it.
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