There's this girl...but I'm a gay guy.

[Anonymous]

I have identified as gay for about five years now. I am eighteen years old. I have had several relationships with guys. I've never had a serious relationship with a girl.

I've known this girl for a while now. I work with her. Unfortunately, I'm a manager and therefore any potential relationship with her would be risky and would probably result in one of us being transferred, but the heart wants what it wants.

We've been friends for what seems to be a long time now. We've made out a few times, mostly at parties with alcohol being involved, but once on a dare at a pool. There are sparks when this happens, to say the least.

It's so confusing, not only to me, but to people around me as well.

I've never had any kind of sexual contact with a girl. It scares me a little bit, but I feel like I would like it a lot. I mean, I watch a lot of porn, and it's hetero porn almost all the time.

Very very very few girls have caught my attention like she has. I don't necessarily have a "type" or anything, but certain qualities just do it for me. It takes a special girl for me to "like" her.

I don't feel like I can offer much to her. I would love to be in a relationship with her, but I'm with a guy, and although it's complicated and about to end soon, I don't even think she feels anything for me. But it's possible she does.

I think one of my biggest concerns is coming out all over again as...bisexual? Like I said, it's so confusing.

She's on my mind all the time. I get so excited when I see her. I just want to touch her. I want to hug her, hold her hand, wrap my arms around her. And a lot of times I do. She seems to be okay with it.

I'm not really expecting advice. The purpose of this is really just to get it off my chest. But if you advice, please share.

[Anonymous]

It is really weird. I have had this as well. Not the specific situation, but I have been comfortable with myself as being gay for the last few years and had relationships and sexual encounters with a few guys. But I also wonder if I might be bisexual. I don't know if I will be able to answer your questions or concerns too much other than reassure you that there are others in the same situation.

I sometimes feel like I am attracted (emotionally and physically) to girls but haven't had much experience sexually with them. I also feel like it might be something I would enjoy. The problem is I am out to almost everyone as being gay and it stresses me out a lot about having to come out again as being bisexual. I know its my life and my preferences, but I can't help think what the stigma is for this? Does it happen a lot? I am more worried about my girl friends who I tell. They seem very comfortable and open around me since they know I am gay. I am not attracted to them that way so I don't want our friendships to change? My guy friends wouldn't care at all either way.

I did not mean to hijack your post so other replies please don't answer my response and ignore the OP. I just thought these concerns might be along the same line as what he is thinking and I wanted to add in case anyone has feedback. Thanks in advance.

[Gravity]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I don't feel like I can offer much to her. I would love to be in a relationship with her, but I'm with a guy, and although it's complicated and about to end soon, I don't even think she feels anything for me. But it's possible she does.

More than anything else, I would focus on this. If you're already in a relationship, then it's very difficult for that relationship and your current situation in it to not be impacting your feelings for this girl. You say that your current relationship is "about to end soon" - what does that mean? I'm guessing the two of you didn't agree to break up in the future, so I'm assuming this means that you want to break up with him, or expect him to break up with you?

Overall I just really suggest figuring things out with your current boyfriend first. You might be surprised how much of a difference it will make in your feelings after you've been single for a while - and I'm not saying it will definitely make you feel one way, but chances are you will feel differently, whether less attracted to her, more attracted to her, or just feeling good about her in a different way (when you know you're free to be with someone if you want, it makes for a pretty drastically different reaction from you).

Aside from that, I wouldn't worry about who you're attracted to, whether man or woman - if you need to tell people you're bisexual, then so be it. If nothing else, you sure have a good barometer for how people will react, since you already know who accepts you as gay and who doesn't. And personally, I'm not all that against certain types of workplace dating - granted, the fact that you're her superior does make things a little problematic, but people can transfer jobs, or she could get promoted, or you could just accept a lower position. All of that can be figured out, but the first step is getting your own situation with your boyfriend in order, so you can decide if you have something to offer her or not...and so you can figure out what you have to offer to your boyfriend.