In a sexless relationship

[Anonymous]

Help!

I have a high sex drive. I'm in a relationship with another woman. She either has a lower sex drive or there are things in her life that are bothering her and she never seems to want to have sex. We've been dating for half a year. I'm her first girlfriend. I have brought it up to her as suggestions for a few times, but been patient other than that. I don't know how to get around this barrier in our relationship. Other than that, our relationship is good and we've developed trust and other things.

Advice??

[Anonymous]

I have a higher sex drive than my lady too. What you need to do is talk constructively. Don't just bring up that you're not happy. Ask her what gets her in the mood. Ask her what she wants in bed. Ask her how often she really does want it. Ask her how often she'd be open to having it. Really talk. Figure out a plan. That way you have a common goal.

[Revan]

I sort of agree with above in that you need to not tell her you're unhappy. But I think you need to be more than just finding out about sex, but also what's going on. There are many things that close people to sex not just "I'm a virgin". Cause trust me, most when they finally have it, want it again sooner than later, at least that was for me. But some have had past trauma that prevents it, a bad view of how sex is, or many other possibilities. I never found out my ex-boyfriend's but I was his first boyfriend too and even though we finally did have sex....14 months into said relationship.....he never asked to do it again in the two months leading up to us breaking up. So yeah...I'd talk to her, find out or at least try to cause you don't want to overly pry, her feelings about sex and then also talk about how you do have a higher sex drive and while you don't want to push her into anything she doesn't want to do, you would really like to be able to make love to her. I wish you the best of luck and lots of hot, groovy sex

[Hana Solo]

Personally, I want my first time to be in a committed relationship, something longterm at least comprable to marriage even if we can't actually marry due to stupid laws. At first this was because of my Christian upbringing (and the fact that I'm still a staunch Christian) but a few years ago I decided that I want it to be special, and also don't want to bring excess baggage into a relationship, or catch an STD, or get pregnant or anything.

So I suppose she has her reasons, and if you ask her and respect her opinion and she respects yours you can talk and figure something out

i can understand wanting to have sex with your partner, but she just might not be ready yet. try bringing up the subject in a completley un-sensual enviornment and see how she feels about it. don't just tell her you want it, ask her if she does. find out why she hasn't said yes yet. do you know if she's had sex with previous partners? if not, she might just be embaressed and unsure what to do when the situation comes up... take it a little bit slower. she might open up (bad pun not intended...) to you if you talk to her about it.

[Anonymous]

OP

She's had sex in the past, with men. My gf and I have done some sexual things but never the full thing because it's new with her I think. I am patient and go slow but it's tough to be so patient. I want to be more patient. We're both in our mid 20s.

Thanks for the advice so far.

[silverhalo]

Maybe you could try talking to her about it and whether there is anything holding her back in particular, maybe she is scared about having never been with a woman before.