Why I'm straight - is this logical?

[Anonymous]

I'm really really confused and all over the place at the moment. If I had to pick a label, then I'd say straight. Can you tell me if there are any huge flaws in my reasoning, because I can't trust myself much at the moment.

I check out girls a lot and guys seem to be a tiny bit invisible to me sometimes, but...
I think that maybe I started looking at girls because I was trying to see if I felt anything for them and it got to be a habit. Or maybe it is because girls dress REALLY well here and I'm not used to that and that's why I'm looking. It could just be that there aren't that many guys around, since the male to female ratio in my uni is a bit wonky. Just because you think girls are better looking than guys, that isn't proof that you're not straight is it?

I've dreamt of kissing girls but maybe that is because I've been looking up loads of LGBT stuff trying to figure this out and because that stuff is in my head anyway I've ended up dreaming about it.

It really hurts and gets me down when I read some of the more self hating posts on here, but that is probably just because I don't like the idea of anyone hurting, and it's not that it is actually resonating with me personally.

I've looked back over feelings I've had for both sexes and it looked like it was strongly tilted towards girls, but I could be throwing everything out of proportion and seeing things that weren't there in hindsight.

The idea that I might be gay or bi really scares and depresses me, but maybe part of me likes the idea of being different or something and I'm just trying to make myself be something I'm not.

I joined EC, am constantly questioning, and even went to one meeting of an LGBT club, but..
Maybe there is something wrong with me mentally and I'm just obsessing over something that isn't there. I have a really vivid imagination, I'm sure I could completely trick myself into thinking something that isn't true. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer, and I don't really feel anything towards girls and will grow into liking boys later?

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I check out girls a lot and guys seem to be a tiny bit invisible to me sometimes, but...
I think that maybe I started looking at girls because I was trying to see if I felt anything for them and it got to be a habit. Or maybe it is because girls dress REALLY well here and I'm not used to that and that's why I'm looking. It could just be that there aren't that many guys around, since the male to female ratio in my uni is a bit wonky. Just because you think girls are better looking than guys, that isn't proof that you're not straight is it?

Um... Of course, recognizing attractiveness of the same (or the opposite) sex doesn't prove much either way. But look carefully at what exactly you're saying, - "guys are invisible," "girls are looking better than them" (not just good-looking in an abstract way, you're really comparing them on the same ground.)

"Wonky" gender ratio, again, could work either way... It might be as simple as that the kind of guys such a place attracts just isn't "your type." Then again, there's a life going on outside the uni, and I'd expect that a straight woman in that situation would be more likely to notice attractive guys on the street, think and talk of hot male celebrities, and so on, not call them "invisible."

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I've dreamt of kissing girls but maybe that is because I've been looking up loads of LGBT stuff trying to figure this out and because that stuff is in my head anyway I've ended up dreaming about it.

Yes, people dream about stuff that worries and concerns them as much as about stuff they want, but can't do IRL. But these kinds of dreams feel differently... You know what I'm meaning in this context. Even if it worries and concerns you afterwards.

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I have a really vivid imagination, I'm sure I could completely trick myself into thinking something that isn't true.

Like you being straight? Again, this in itself, works both ways and proves nothing, but what is more likely? That you're trying to persuade yourself you're straight (something almost everyone who ever questioned did) or that, by the rarest coincidence, of all things to be delusional about you picked your sexual orientation, and only it?

[WeirdnessMagnet]

^^ That was me.

I agree with WeirdnessMagnet.

Thought I would add, that in my initial stages of questioning, these were my main concerns. I now identify as lesbian. I'm not about to tell you what you are or what you aren't, but you sound like I did when I was in denial. But, if you feel like this is you being 100% honest with yourself, and you feel like the label of straight is accurate and comfortable for you...then who am I to say you're kidding yourself? Just be honest with yourself. And, if it's stressing you out at all, I wouldn't worry too much about a label just now. Let the chips fall as they may! That's about as much as I have to offer here, but I'm certain you'll find plenty of help on EC if you need it.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Try being gay for a day, and then straight for a day. You could see which feels more natural, or if you fall in between.

In essence, don't stress. I found it easier to just forget about it if it didn't immediately pertain to my life. But that's just me, might not work for everyone. Sometimes if you forget about it you're more likely to think about things without worrying about what yourself will think.