What is happening to me??

[Anonymous]

Something really weird is happening to me. I can feel myself gravitating toward the straight identity. All of the sudden I feel like my previous feelings for women were unnatural and, therefore, invalid. Kind of like this whole thing was a dream that I should forget and move on with my life. What's wrong with me?

[Wolfgirl90]

Forgive me if this is incorrect guys*dodge tomatoes?*

I've heard that sometimes some bisexual people go through spans of time where they are particularly attracted to same gender. Then, other times, they seem to be more attracted to the opposite. Not all bisexual people do this, but I've heard that sometimes some of them do.

[Peanuts]

Sexuality is a really fluid thing. Don't be too hasty to put a label on it right away; you might just need some time to figure it out. Maybe you're bi or maybe you were curious and now are done with the "experimenting" phase. Only time and a little thought can really help.

[Lexington]

It's awfully tempting to look at the direction your train is heading...and assume what destination you're heading towards. But the fact is, your sexuality can sort of float around. Even people who are definitely straight or gay might find their sexualities altering somewhat - they might suddenly feel interested in being dominated, for instance, or in having sex outside, or some other "new" thing within their sexuality. It happens.

What do you do? Ride it out. Accept it. If you're finding yourself fantasizing about guys, fine - fantasize away. I wouldn't announce "I'm actually straight!" to the world unless you feel you've felt this long enough and completely enough to make that proclamation. Just enjoy the fantasies that go along with it, and see what the future brings.

Lex

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Lexington

It's awfully tempting to look at the direction your train is heading...and assume what destination you're heading towards. But the fact is, your sexuality can sort of float around. Even people who are definitely straight or gay might find their sexualities altering somewhat - they might suddenly feel interested in being dominated, for instance, or in having sex outside, or some other "new" thing within their sexuality. It happens.

What do you do? Ride it out. Accept it. If you're finding yourself fantasizing about guys, fine - fantasize away. I wouldn't announce "I'm actually straight!" to the world unless you feel you've felt this long enough and completely enough to make that proclamation. Just enjoy the fantasies that go along with it, and see what the future brings.

Lex

But i'm not fantasizing about guys.. i mean, i'm not even sure if i like them. I don't rly think i'm straight. I mean, how could I be? I've already had the sudden and somewhat explosive feelings for women that pretty much broke through all my repressed feelings. I just.. i feel like i'm wrong. That the life society has shown me is truly correct and i'm just deluded. I feel desperate.

[Lexington]

Well...meaning what, exactly? That although you've got feelings for women, and you're attracted to women...that you're not REALLY attracted to women? That you've somehow tripped yourself into some alternate way of thinking?

If you're talking the basic, primal stuff, I honestly don't believe it needs to go any deeper than the surface. Let's say I'm hungry, and I could go for some nachos. (Easy enough, because I am and I could. ) I could probably write you a dissertation on why it is that Mexican-American food in general, and nachos in particular (and a certain type of nachos in particular-particular) are the food I'm fixating on right now. I could further expound on some further hypotheses that I may actually be misreading the signals, and my brain is actually crying out for something healthier, or is seeking comfort food in an attempt to feel more comfortable, or a dozen other things. I could probably write a book - Lex Wants Nachos - How One Gargoyle's Yen for Food Might Reveal Fascinating Insights Into His Personality

Or I could just go get some damn nachos. Which I'm gonna do once I finish this post. And I'm gonna enjoy the hell out of them.

This isn't to say when you see somebody attractive, you should go bang them (or ask if you can). But I think one shouldn't spend too much time and effort analyzing these feelings. They're supposed to be enjoyable feelings. On rare occasions, I've found myself fantasizing about a woman. And you know what? I enjoy the hell out of those fantasies just as much as my other ones. Because they're fun.

"Society" is just what a bunch of people agree to. You don't have to conform to it. Most people don't, to some degree. We're all rebels, even in small ways. Maybe you won't consider getting the hot mustard sauce for your McNuggets instead of the barbecue to be "rebellious behavior", but since barbecue is the most popular sauce, in a sense, it IS rebellious behavior. It's preferring the road less traveled, and following it. You COULD order the barbecue sauce, because then "I'm doing what most people do, and more people would approve of that choice", but come on. They're your damn McNuggets. You're not ordering the hot mustard because oo, look at you being different. You're ordering it because that's how you're wired. "I prefer this."

...you're probably sensing how hungry I am right now. Anyway.

It's the same idea with your sexuality. It may be different where you are, but society never told me to be straight. Sure, it's the road most traveled, with 85-99% of people going that route depending on who you believe. And yeah, it was therefore assumed I'd be going that route as well - that's just playing the numbers game. And yeah, some people will look at you askance for being gay - I know one person who freaks out that I don't order the barbecue sauce, too. But so what? Are you so committed to this vague idea of "society" that you'd drive into the ditch? Would you sacrifice your own personal happiness for the sake of the approval some nebulous group of people? Because a lot of people don't give a damn if you're gay. They'd rather you be happy.

Lex

[suninthesky]

Lex, your ability to draw metaphors never ceases to amaze me. It's incredible.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Lexington

Well...meaning what, exactly? That although you've got feelings for women, and you're attracted to women...that you're not REALLY attracted to women? That you've somehow tripped yourself into some alternate way of thinking?

If you're talking the basic, primal stuff, I honestly don't believe it needs to go any deeper than the surface. Let's say I'm hungry, and I could go for some nachos. (Easy enough, because I am and I could. ) I could probably write you a dissertation on why it is that Mexican-American food in general, and nachos in particular (and a certain type of nachos in particular-particular) are the food I'm fixating on right now. I could further expound on some further hypotheses that I may actually be misreading the signals, and my brain is actually crying out for something healthier, or is seeking comfort food in an attempt to feel more comfortable, or a dozen other things. I could probably write a book - Lex Wants Nachos - How One Gargoyle's Yen for Food Might Reveal Fascinating Insights Into His Personality

Or I could just go get some damn nachos. Which I'm gonna do once I finish this post. And I'm gonna enjoy the hell out of them.

This isn't to say when you see somebody attractive, you should go bang them (or ask if you can). But I think one shouldn't spend too much time and effort analyzing these feelings. They're supposed to be enjoyable feelings. On rare occasions, I've found myself fantasizing about a woman. And you know what? I enjoy the hell out of those fantasies just as much as my other ones. Because they're fun.

"Society" is just what a bunch of people agree to. You don't have to conform to it. Most people don't, to some degree. We're all rebels, even in small ways. Maybe you won't consider getting the hot mustard sauce for your McNuggets instead of the barbecue to be "rebellious behavior", but since barbecue is the most popular sauce, in a sense, it IS rebellious behavior. It's preferring the road less traveled, and following it. You COULD order the barbecue sauce, because then "I'm doing what most people do, and more people would approve of that choice", but come on. They're your damn McNuggets. You're not ordering the hot mustard because oo, look at you being different. You're ordering it because that's how you're wired. "I prefer this."

...you're probably sensing how hungry I am right now. Anyway.

It's the same idea with your sexuality. It may be different where you are, but society never told me to be straight. Sure, it's the road most traveled, with 85-99% of people going that route depending on who you believe. And yeah, it was therefore assumed I'd be going that route as well - that's just playing the numbers game. And yeah, some people will look at you askance for being gay - I know one person who freaks out that I don't order the barbecue sauce, too. But so what? Are you so committed to this vague idea of "society" that you'd drive into the ditch? Would you sacrifice your own personal happiness for the sake of the approval some nebulous group of people? Because a lot of people don't give a damn if you're gay. They'd rather you be happy.

Lex

hahaha thanks Lex you cheered me up a bit. Your right - i should care about what others think. The problem lies in how i figure out what i am and how to embrace that (and not overanalyzing everything). thanks for your advice. you are master at it.

[Swim2Fly]

What Lex said.

Follow your most basic feelings, and just try things out! I wasn't sure about my orientation, so I dated a girl. For years. I kept on thinking I would warm up to her and things would move along, but that never happened. Then I started looking at guys differently, and bingo!

Even if you don't want to jump right out there and try a relationship with someone, you can definitely just step aside, look at guys and girls out in a crowd, and try to think about how you would get along with them. Don't think about what society would think of how you'd get along, but how YOU would. Good luck, and don't rush to put a label on yourself one way or the other.

I feel obliged to applaud Lex, for both providing a brilliant explanation, and making me crave nachos. *claps*

[kylegf2011]

wow, Lex´s post is amazing, thx for that .... and now I want mcnuggets