the closet really is a negative place to be but it's a necessary evil.

[Anonymous]

i was taking sometime to think about my life for a second in my neighborhood park after dark and i just thought about everything especially being in the closet. i'm really starting to see how it negatively has impacted my life from the moment i jumped in there as a kid to now. i want to get out but the thing is i don't feel like i'm ready. i don't want to jump out when i'm not even comfortable with being gay. plus at this point, i think if anyone around me were to reject me if i came out to them, it would make me feel worse about how i feel about myself for being gay already. i don't think my family would be cool with it either. i want to be honest to them where i no longer feel like living a lie since it's stressful and painful though. what should i do?

[thecat06]

Before you come out, you need to accept that you are gay. It took me 5 years to fully accept that I am gay. That being said, some people can accept themselves faster and others can accept themselves slower. You've already taken a step forward by posting this. Just hang around and hopefully you will overcome the bad feelings about being gay.

[Lexington]

Have you tried coming out to yourself yet? That's usually the first step, and often the longest and most difficult. How to you come out to yourself?

You work on accepting that you're gay.

You look in the mirror and say "I'm gay", and keep doing it until it feels less like an admission of guilt, and more like a fact.

You fantasize about gay stuff, or look at gay porn, and accept that you're doing it. Because it turns you on. Because you're gay. And because turning yourself on kicks ass.

You work on accepting that, because you're gay, some people might have some issues with that. You work on accepting that this doesn't make you a horrible person - people have issues with other "different" people all the time. You work on accepting that some of these "issues" will be temporary, and others will be permanent. You work on accepting that some people will need some time to come to grips with finding this out...but that many will come around.

You work on understanding that, for many people, living "out" means living better. Living without the burden of "what if they find out?" Living without having to lie. And yes, possibly living without having a few of the people currently in your life. But that the acceptance is worth so much more than the denial.

Lex

[Jim1454]

^ What Lex said.

This is easy for me to say, because I didn't face many negative reactions when I came out, nor did I expect to...

But I'd rather know who likes the real me than who likes the pretend me.

The only negative reaction I had was at church. I was the treasurer there for 5 years - I had done a LOT of good work for that church for over 5 years. So when I came out to my kids, I soon after came out to my minister, who shared that fact (with my permission) with the board of trustees - the elders - of the church. And they concluded that I should step down - because I was gay.

That pissed me off. But I wanted to know. I didn't want to wonder. I wanted to know if they felt that way - because if that was the way they felt then I wanted nothing to do with them. I (thought) that I had some really good friends there. I guess I did. But nobody was really vocal about my dismissal other than my ex wife.

At any rate, there will be some people who are made to feel uncomfortable. But likely not that many if you yourself are truly OK and comfortable with being gay. If it's 'no biggie' for you when you come out to them, then it shouldn't be for anyone else and they'll follow your lead.

I feel SOOO much better being able to be open and honest about my life to everyone around me. I refer to my 'husband' all the time - with perfect strangers - because that's what I have - a husband. I don't have to filter or hide. It's awesome.