I'm on the verge

[Anonymous]

of losing my mind and possibly having a mental melt down.

I'm sorry if what I am about to post sounds emo or llike I'm whining b ut you know how you feel overwhelmed and your "able to take it cup" is only so large? Mine is overfilling, and filling up and continuing to overfill and overspill.

My relationship is on the rocks. I take abuse at work because some of my 'customers' are demanding and have no empathy. My boss doesn't have much either. I don't have not many good friends in my city. I'm trying to get off these poisonous pills that were prescribed to me with horrible withdrawal effects. I tried to make doctors apts for counseling but they are all when I work. So my boss isn't going to be happy.

I need to quit smoking, (and probably quit drinking for awhile while I'm at it.

I can't tell my family. I'm not that close to my parents. They have judged me in the past when I've come to them with serious issues.

I feel alone, like I'm doing this alone. I'm crying, I'm angry, I'm miserable to be around. I isolate myself from my coworkers, and people that know me. I get anxious with the thought of opening up to someone else for them judging me. I get anxious from the thought of picking up the phone for some reason too.

I have basically had it. It don't know how much longer I have until I meltdown and I don't know where else to ask for help.

[Swim2Fly]

We're all ears (and hugging arms) here!

You definitely have a lot going on at once, and I can assure you that basically anyone would be struggling in your situation. Don't feel like you're weaker than anyone else! And sometimes you deserve a little love and support, even when your relationship is rough, your clients seem so harsh, and your doctors can't fit you in. There are people here at most times during the day, and we can help you find ways to sort all of this out!

So, to begin, let's try to list out some priorities.

- You've come here to make friends, so let's try to make that priority #1. If you don't trust the people here, you are going to be less likely to heed any advice they have. It seems that making connections here is particularly important in the short term because a) your relationship is not going to be a reliable source of inspiration, b) you would not like to get your family involved, and c) your best friends are not physically nearby, which is always a bummer.

- Once you're confident enough in opening up to us, we can help you make steps to open up at your work environment. It must be terribly uncomfortable to be around so many people all day and not be able to communicate as you feel like you should be able to. I'm plenty introverted and stubborn, so I definitely know what that kind of frustration feels like, and how that feeling only compounds and multiplies as more pressures pile up.

- Be as patient as you can be on the feelings of withdrawal (UNLESS IT IS URGENT!!). How much do you think that this is causing your current frustrations? If you can elaborate on that, it may help us find a suitable course of action. In the meantime, good luck scheduling an appointment that fits into everyone's schedule. If you can't, and you need to go, I say it's time to stand up for your needs, rather than your boss's. Take a sick day, or something like that if possible. If your cup is already full, now might be the best time to dump as much into it as you can, so that all of it will simply leak out and then be all gone!

- Then we can worry about the long-term things, like the smoking, drinking, and relationship/family challenges.

This isn't about achieving everything all at once; this is a one-step-at-a-time process toward reaching a big final goal. We want you to get there and will try to help how we can.

[Anonymous]

I work in healthcare, so my clients are residents I work closely with and it's constant go-go-go up and down the hallways and stairs.

I'm withdrawing from antidepressants. I am sick of their side effects. I need to get off them. They make me an insomniac, feel wired, "too happy", I have a poor memory which I didn't really have before them, it has sexual side effects too which I hate, not to mention dishing out $100 a month for them.. As for withdrawals: I have been having brain zaps, where if I'm staring at something, I see double for a split second, as if I shook my head side to side, and I feel a shiver in my brain. Strange to describe. I also get vertigo, feel like crying all the time as well and it's hard to shut my brain off when I need to.

Thanks. I think I have been trying to cope with too much at once. I can't really stop smoking until all this is over I'm thinking.

[SunSparks]

Right. Swim hit a lot of great points.

Try to deal with your problems in order of priority. You, or anyone else for that matter, can't handle so many things at the same time. I can't say this should be done in your case since I am not you but I personally would quit my job and find something easier for the time being. I would still be able to pay the bills but not have so much money on the side. I would start working on solving my problems and having an easier job will give me that time to do so. Work slowly, one day at a time, towards fixing all of the problems I am having. Since your cup is overflowing, we will scoop the top off and then ever so slowly drain it, almost like a clogged drain. Allow time to work its magic but still be proactively trying. once that cup is drained, I will start pursuing my career goals.

Also, always remember, we are here to listen and to love you, because we really do. just writing about your problems and telling someone can let you release some of the pressure in your head, enough to be able to start dealing with everything. I can't say I know exactly how it is to be in a situation like you, but I do know how it is to be drowned in problems. For me, my frustration with my life peaked and one day, I just stopped and yelled and let myself feel my emotion for just some time, enough to where I said - NO. I will not let this happen to me. Ever so slowly, I worked through my problems. It's a long journey, but with us to help you up the hill, I know that you can change your life for the better. I really do hope this helps, at least just a little. <3

[NickD]

Just to reiterate, you are not alone! I definitely understand a good portion of your concerns. I was prescribed a medication that initially helped but ultimately started to hinder more than help. The withdrawal effects were hell (as in disassociation, it was like watching myself go about my own life as a third party).

Furthermore, in the span of a month, I had a TON of life changes: I came out, moved to a new place (with no roommates), converted to Catholicism, got a promotion at work that demanded more time and energy, and finally had my my brother's wedding to tend to.

Sometimes it seems like everything piles up at once, even if they are all positives, and the stress is overwhelming. But we all have the power to overcome, even if we don't think we do. The human mind is far more powerful than we give it credit for.

So I guess my advice is to keep pursuing and plugging away at what you know is right. It sucks, but it will pass. And you will be a stringer person in the end for it.

[Anonymous]

Four years ago I had a melt-down and was off work for 7 months, but it forced a lot of self-evaluation and life changes, so it wasn't entirely wasted energy.

I still take daily medication which makes me feel better. It's a Seratonin excretion inhibitor (Venlafaxine it's called in the Netherlands) and it gradually moved me in the right direction. I do find it hard to sleep sometimes (like holidays or weekends) but I found that I could use non-addictive tranquilizers just before I wanted to sleep and they are perfect.

I know most people would prefer to live without the chemical intervention, but sometimes it's just a thing we have to accept - the alternative is not so great either, and is potentially much more destructive. Also remember that you can ask the doctor to try a different medication - we all react differently and there are several you could try.

I agree with the other posters about prioritizing you problems and your goals. I found it really useful to see a cousellor, though, and I'd make the effort to use one if you can.
Remember - you really are not alone - there are a lot of people hear who will listen and have vast experience of some of the things you are going through.

[Gravity]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I work in healthcare, so my clients are residents I work closely with and it's constant go-go-go up and down the hallways and stairs.

I'm withdrawing from antidepressants. I am sick of their side effects. I need to get off them. They make me an insomniac, feel wired, "too happy", I have a poor memory which I didn't really have before them, it has sexual side effects too which I hate, not to mention dishing out $100 a month for them.. As for withdrawals: I have been having brain zaps, where if I'm staring at something, I see double for a split second, as if I shook my head side to side, and I feel a shiver in my brain. Strange to describe. I also get vertigo, feel like crying all the time as well and it's hard to shut my brain off when I need to.

Thanks. I think I have been trying to cope with too much at once. I can't really stop smoking until all this is over I'm thinking.

I'm sorry to hear about this - as others have been saying, I've been in similar situations before too, and it's no fun.

Stopping smoking is probably not a good idea at the moment, like you've suspected - but I think you're right about stopping drinking. If you're feeling like you shouldn't be doing it, chances are you're right - and that will be one less thing throwing your body out of whack.

It's tough to be off in a city with no close friends and a relationship on the rocks (been there specifically). Do you think you can talk to your partner? Or is that not a possibility?

Definitely talk to your therapist if the anti-depressants are giving you trouble. They can help you - and again, one less thing throwing you out of whack.

I really hope that some things get smoothed out for you soon - just don't be afraid to ask for help from people who can give it to you! Best of luck and keep posting.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate all the advice and support here.

I am in so much emotional pain, I'm not eating properly. And when I do eat, it isn't much, and sometimes unhealthy. I try to exercise to bring up my mood but it soon comes crashing down hours or a day later.

I try to drag myself out of it, but I need help. I feel so alone. My post isn't happy and I know people hate reading that sort of thing, I just feel so alone. I only have a shiny piece of laptop screen between me and the web. I hurt. The only thing that numbs my pain is some alcohol and sleep. I am grumpy at work, and that is never a good thing because the people I work for and with need me to be happy. Their lives aren't a big cup of happy either at times.

I know that being on pills for the rest of my life isn't something I want or need. It's probably bad for my body anyway. I've been on antidepressants for years. It's time to come off them and somehow muddle through things on my own.

[Gravity]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I appreciate all the advice and support here.

I am in so much emotional pain, I'm not eating properly. And when I do eat, it isn't much, and sometimes unhealthy. I try to exercise to bring up my mood but it soon comes crashing down hours or a day later.

I try to drag myself out of it, but I need help. I feel so alone. My post isn't happy and I know people hate reading that sort of thing, I just feel so alone. I only have a shiny piece of laptop screen between me and the web. I hurt. The only thing that numbs my pain is some alcohol and sleep. I am grumpy at work, and that is never a good thing because the people I work for and with need me to be happy. Their lives aren't a big cup of happy either at times.

I know that being on pills for the rest of my life isn't something I want or need. It's probably bad for my body anyway. I've been on antidepressants for years. It's time to come off them and somehow muddle through things on my own.

These are exactly the kinds of things that a counselor would ask about - and if you're feeling like you need help, and you're not eating, I would recommend that you start seeing a counselor as soon as you can. If you're already seeing a therapist (which I'm assuming is the case, if you're on antidepressants), then please talk to them about these feelings, but don't just stop taking medication that you've been prescribed - it's given to you under the assumption that you'll finish it, unless stated otherwise, and just stopping might have adverse side effects.

Don't worry about us - we don't "hate" reading any kind of thing. I won't speak for others, but I'm just here to give whatever help I can. Post whatever you need to.

Continued good wishes...hang in there and stick around EC as long as you need to.

[Anonymous]

I understand your reluctance to contiue with drug therapy, especially if you have been taking anti-depressants for a while.

But I'd ask you to consider this:

My niece has a 12-year-old daughter who was diagnosed a year ago with type 1 diabetes. She will be injecting insulin several time a day for the rest of her life and has no choice in this matter. Without it, the results would be catastophic.

When I had stabilized on my medication, the doctor asked me about my feelings concerning long-term medication and I must say I have no problem with it. If my body needs something to help it work better, then I will take it for as long as I need to, just as my niece's daughter has to.

If you feel your medication is not working for you, that is a different matter - there is no point taking something long-term which does not bring you the desired benefits.

A second thought:

Given the environment you work in, I can imagine that your work might be fulfilling but emotionally draining. Have you considered the possibility of a change, even if it's a change to the same job but somewhere else?

I've been a teacher for 30 years and on occasion I've hated my work. HATED!

Now I work at a place where I get energy from the people I work with, especially the kids and that has had a profound effect on my self-worth and my contentment with my life.

And thirdly:

Don't try to change too much in one go - it's difficult then to assess which change is affecting you the most. DON'T stop smoking AND come off your drugs - I've seen some crazy behaviour off withdrawing smokers!

And lastly:

Keep coming on here to unburden. Getting things off your chest is the most important thing AND there is always someone online here, whatever the time of day.