End everything - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

Anonymous · 21st Jul 2012, 03:55 PM

I feel like I want to end everything right now. I've lost all my friends where I live when I came out. People at work dont associate with me anymore than they have to. I'm treated like I have the damn plague. The only thing I have left is my family, but I know their disposition to homosexuality or any deviation fron the sexual "norm". I'd lose them as I have lost everyone else. I feel like there really is nothing left for me. I'm mentally and emotionally wounded by the desertion of my supposed "friends". Im resilent, always have been, but I'm not coming back from this.

farah · 21st Jul 2012, 04:36 PM

Please don't hurt yourself. If people cannot love your true self then that's too bad for them. To not have the pleasure of spending time with someone who's darling & wonderful as I bet the person you are. What do they understand? walking around with their prejudiced and disgusting demeanor.. rambling about what's right & what's wrong. One day I promise you will find a person that will love you & make you all warm and gooey inside like a cup of hot chocolate. That's what you deserve. Don't let anyone not let you get to the point of happiness in your life. I know right now it seems that this feeling is going to last forever but it won't.

Catkin · 21st Jul 2012, 05:25 PM

Please please don't hurt yourself.

We are all here for you, and we'll do whatever we can to help. If you need to come on here every day to rant and rave to get your feelings off your chest then absolutely do so, that's what EC is here for. It might not make your situation better, but just being able to talk online to people who understand what you're going through might help.
If you kill yourself, then you have no more options, nothing can get better from there. If you stick around then you never know what wonderful things could happen further down the line. Is there anyone at all that you can talk to who you know is supportive? Even if you don't know them that well, having even one person to tak to who you know supports you would really help. Please don't give up.

Caoimhe Fayre · 21st Jul 2012, 05:46 PM

If you hold on, one day you will be able to choose the people you surround yourself with, who your neighbors are, where you live. Perhaps you will find a job in an LGBT positive workplace. One day you will be able to live in a city or town that you have chosen for yourself, where you will be surrounded with LGBT positive people if that is what you wish.

If you hold on, one day it WILL get better, because you don't have to live in the same place forever. And you are not alone.

Philvanuirle · 21st Jul 2012, 05:54 PM

Stay Strong my friend! Ending will not change anything. There is someone that will accept you, and there are people who love you! The change starts with you, you will live in a different place later on. And if you are just a youth, well you still have a long way to go! Study in school harder or join some sport, learn guitar, write a story, anything to get your mind at ease. Just don't hurt yourself.

21st Jul 2012, 08:13 PM

OP here. Thank you everyone for the support. I dont like the feeling of being discarded by everyone that I used to be close with. Or at least I thought I was close with. It hurts to be thrown away so casually. I thought everyone would be cool but I was wrong. Its nice to know I've got some support in here though.

Revan · 21st Jul 2012, 08:21 PM

You will have us for as long as you need us and even past that. It's important to us for you to live because everyone is special. You I'm sure will be able to get past this, and frankly screw your "friends" if they were true friends they would've stayed with you. You're better off without them. You'll make better friends soon I'm sure of it

**Gravity** · 21st Jul 2012, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lonewolf77

OP here. Thank you everyone for the support. I dont like the feeling of being discarded by everyone that I used to be close with. Or at least I thought I was close with. It hurts to be thrown away so casually. I thought everyone would be cool but I was wrong. Its nice to know I've got some support in here though.

Continued

for you. Not that it hasn't been said before in this thread, but I very much hope you won't hurt yourself. Keep posting (or talking to somebody) if you have more thoughts like this.

You do indeed have lots of support here.

It does hurt to be turned away from, but you will make it!

gay christian · 23rd Jul 2012, 04:40 PM

I realised that the times I was hardest on myself were when others had been harshest to me, it was as though I was putting myself down before anyone else could hurt me any further. But I didn't realise that hurting myself meant that I was giving into the hatred of others, rather than resisting it with my own hope and love. I've had to learn that sense of value, of self worth.

When I was going through the darkest times of my life so far, I could not see the future, and could not predict the feeling of relief that would come later. I could not predict the sense of light suddenly shining in the darkness, but I waited for it.

<3 have hope, don't blame yourself or hurt yourself when you have been hurt far too much already.

Bobbgooduk · 24th Jul 2012, 06:10 AM

You have been hurt already - there's no point in hurting yourself as well.

I agree with what has already been said - I'm assuming you're not still ay school as you talk about work colleagues, but you can change them.

When I came out, I didn't include my work colleagues until I was about to leave for another job. The look of shock was amazing as I brought my partner to my farewell bash.

At my new place, I was open from the very start. If anyone asked about wife/girlfriend, I'd just say "I'm gay" and I can honestly say I haven't encountered ONE problem with anyone at work since - and I've moved around a bit, I'm not at the same place.

I think it has to do with changing perceptions. It always looks "odd" to me when someone turns up wearing glasses when the don't normally do that - it unsettles me a bit.

If you can steel yourself to be honest and forthright from the beginning in a frsh place, I think you'll be surprised by the fact that it feels so different - those who have a problem with it won't bother to forge close friendships, those that don't mind will appreciate your honesty

You also need a friend make-over. It sounds corny, but join a group doing something you like, an evening class, book group, ramblers - and be open from the beginning with them. Again, those that have no problem will seek you out and treat you like everyone else.

You want your life to change, not to end. Make it happen - there are so many of us on here who have experinced something similar - we're not in your shoes, but we walk the same footsteps.

The14Me · 24th Jul 2012, 07:08 AM

Give yourself some time.
If you have vacation or sick time - take it and give yourself a break.
You also would benefit from support by talking this over with someone who is knowledgeable about this topic.
You have been honest and that's something to be proud about doing!

21st Jul 2012, 03:55 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 50,709 Join Date: Dec 2007	End everything I feel like I want to end everything right now. I've lost all my friends where I live when I came out. People at work dont associate with me anymore than they have to. I'm treated like I have the damn plague. The only thing I have left is my family, but I know their disposition to homosexuality or any deviation fron the sexual "norm". I'd lose them as I have lost everyone else. I feel like there really is nothing left for me. I'm mentally and emotionally wounded by the desertion of my supposed "friends". Im resilent, always have been, but I'm not coming back from this.

21st Jul 2012, 04:36 PM	#2
farah Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: The Middle East Age: 18 Posts: 46 Join Date: Jun 2012	Re: End everything Please don't hurt yourself. If people cannot love your true self then that's too bad for them. To not have the pleasure of spending time with someone who's darling & wonderful as I bet the person you are. What do they understand? walking around with their prejudiced and disgusting demeanor.. rambling about what's right & what's wrong. One day I promise you will find a person that will love you & make you all warm and gooey inside like a cup of hot chocolate. That's what you deserve. Don't let anyone not let you get to the point of happiness in your life. I know right now it seems that this feeling is going to last forever but it won't.

21st Jul 2012, 05:25 PM	#3
Catkin Well Known Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: not exactly straight? Out Status: three friends Location: Europe Age: 21 Posts: 204 Join Date: Apr 2012	Re: End everything Please please don't hurt yourself. We are all here for you, and we'll do whatever we can to help. If you need to come on here every day to rant and rave to get your feelings off your chest then absolutely do so, that's what EC is here for. It might not make your situation better, but just being able to talk online to people who understand what you're going through might help. If you kill yourself, then you have no more options, nothing can get better from there. If you stick around then you never know what wonderful things could happen further down the line. Is there anyone at all that you can talk to who you know is supportive? Even if you don't know them that well, having even one person to tak to who you know supports you would really help. Please don't give up.

21st Jul 2012, 05:46 PM	#4
Caoimhe Fayre EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: I guess you call me... OUT XD Location: Ontario Canada Age: 25 Posts: 324 Join Date: Mar 2012	Re: End everything If you hold on, one day you will be able to choose the people you surround yourself with, who your neighbors are, where you live. Perhaps you will find a job in an LGBT positive workplace. One day you will be able to live in a city or town that you have chosen for yourself, where you will be surrounded with LGBT positive people if that is what you wish. If you hold on, one day it WILL get better, because you don't have to live in the same place forever. And you are not alone. __________________ Sometimes true love is about letting go.

21st Jul 2012, 05:54 PM	#5
Philvanuirle Gaysian Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: It's complicated Location: Tennessee Age: 17 Posts: 221 Join Date: Jun 2012	Re: End everything Stay Strong my friend! Ending will not change anything. There is someone that will accept you, and there are people who love you! The change starts with you, you will live in a different place later on. And if you are just a youth, well you still have a long way to go! Study in school harder or join some sport, learn guitar, write a story, anything to get your mind at ease. Just don't hurt yourself. __________________ "If qualities of Heaven are your desire, acquire wisdom to take your mind higher. If Earthly qualities are what you lack, train your body and prepare to attack. When Heaven and Earth are open together, the perilous path will become righteous forever"

21st Jul 2012, 08:13 PM	#6
lonewolf77 Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: End everything OP here. Thank you everyone for the support. I dont like the feeling of being discarded by everyone that I used to be close with. Or at least I thought I was close with. It hurts to be thrown away so casually. I thought everyone would be cool but I was wrong. Its nice to know I've got some support in here though.

21st Jul 2012, 08:21 PM	#7
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: Dick Orientation: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 25 Posts: 7,594 Join Date: Jun 2005	Re: End everything You will have us for as long as you need us and even past that. It's important to us for you to live because everyone is special. You I'm sure will be able to get past this, and frankly screw your "friends" if they were true friends they would've stayed with you. You're better off without them. You'll make better friends soon I'm sure of it __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.

23rd Jul 2012, 04:40 PM	#9
gay christian Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: Close family and friends Posts: 33 Join Date: Jul 2012	Re: End everything I realised that the times I was hardest on myself were when others had been harshest to me, it was as though I was putting myself down before anyone else could hurt me any further. But I didn't realise that hurting myself meant that I was giving into the hatred of others, rather than resisting it with my own hope and love. I've had to learn that sense of value, of self worth. When I was going through the darkest times of my life so far, I could not see the future, and could not predict the feeling of relief that would come later. I could not predict the sense of light suddenly shining in the darkness, but I waited for it. <3 have hope, don't blame yourself or hurt yourself when you have been hurt far too much already.

24th Jul 2012, 06:10 AM	#10
Bobbgooduk Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 54 Posts: 703 Join Date: Jul 2012	Re: End everything You have been hurt already - there's no point in hurting yourself as well. I agree with what has already been said - I'm assuming you're not still ay school as you talk about work colleagues, but you can change them. When I came out, I didn't include my work colleagues until I was about to leave for another job. The look of shock was amazing as I brought my partner to my farewell bash. At my new place, I was open from the very start. If anyone asked about wife/girlfriend, I'd just say "I'm gay" and I can honestly say I haven't encountered ONE problem with anyone at work since - and I've moved around a bit, I'm not at the same place. I think it has to do with changing perceptions. It always looks "odd" to me when someone turns up wearing glasses when the don't normally do that - it unsettles me a bit. If you can steel yourself to be honest and forthright from the beginning in a frsh place, I think you'll be surprised by the fact that it feels so different - those who have a problem with it won't bother to forge close friendships, those that don't mind will appreciate your honesty You also need a friend make-over. It sounds corny, but join a group doing something you like, an evening class, book group, ramblers - and be open from the beginning with them. Again, those that have no problem will seek you out and treat you like everyone else. You want your life to change, not to end. Make it happen - there are so many of us on here who have experinced something similar - we're not in your shoes, but we walk the same footsteps.

24th Jul 2012, 07:08 AM	#11
The14Me Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: family, friends and church Location: Chicago Posts: 30 Join Date: Jul 2012	Re: End everything Give yourself some time. If you have vacation or sick time - take it and give yourself a break. You also would benefit from support by talking this over with someone who is knowledgeable about this topic. You have been honest and that's something to be proud about doing!