a revelation

[Anonymous]

25 and been in 2 serious relationships
1st was when I was 17 until I was 19
2nd was 19 until now (6 years)

I have never thought I could be gay until now. Almost overnight I became infatuated with a good friend I’d known since 4 years. This was 3 months ago. Since then I’ve been chatting to her online almost daily. I stopped chatting daily around a month ago because I felt bad on my fiancé. I want to be with her all the time, she is the first thing that comes into my head in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night. We have a night out next Friday and I can’t wait to see her, I am so excited.

My good friend flirts with me a lot, she tells me that she can’t wait to see me, she winks at me, she forgets things on purpose at mine, she wants to see me for a cup of tea every day, compliments me, wants to go out all the time and invites me places I love to go. She remembers everything I say and she always brings it up in conversations. I don’t know if she’s gay but the above suggests it, plus I’m picking up on it subconsciously, I can feel it in my gut.

However, she does mess with my head a little bit. She likes to lie about little things, such as, “did you know that his middle name is Eric?” and I say “really” and she says, “you’re so easy, you believe everything I say.” She makes me feel gullible about things that could actually be real. Why wouldn’t I believe that ‘fact’?

She also tries to turn me against the rest of the girls. She’ll say stuff like, “don’t you think it’s unfair the way she treats you?” I know she does it because she probably wants to be the number one woman in my life but still, it’s still a bad way to do it and reflects her insecurity.

Another point, she always tries to get my attention when we’re out. She’ll cry and stand alone so that I’ll come up to her and dance, or chat.

I can’t ask her because I’m engaged (this is a separate issue I know that I should deal with but I can’t).