Castrated

[Anonymous]

I remember reading a thread where somebody was talking about losing one testicle to cancer and about how he felt inadequate. I lost both of my testicles to cancer 4 years ago when I was 18. I take testosterone injections, had my scrotum removed completely, but I can still achieve an erection whenever I please. I haven't had sex in a while because I feel scared. It doesn't look gross either... it actually looks like I never had balls to begin with.

How would you react if you got home a guy you met at the bar and found out he didn't have any testicles? How would I even approach that subject to maybe let a guy know that I was hooking up with?

[Night Rain]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I remember reading a thread where somebody was talking about losing one testicle to cancer and about how he felt inadequate. I lost both of my testicles to cancer 4 years ago when I was 18. I take testosterone injections, had my scrotum removed completely, but I can still achieve an erection whenever I please. I haven't had sex in a while because I feel scared. It doesn't look gross either... it actually looks like I never had balls to begin with.

How would you react if you got home a guy you met at the bar and found out he didn't have any testicles? How would I even approach that subject to maybe let a guy know that I was hooking up with?

I would be surprised and ask a lot of questions. Beyond that I don't think it matters much. Possibly?
And I don't think it's something you'd like to bring up in a conversation... Perhaps when you're about to jump in bed with him, give him a little warning first?

[Anonymous]

From a biological point of view, testicles are part of your reproductive organs as a man BUT we are much more than reproductive organisms.

Provided you were a decent, caring and responsible person, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Years ago, I had a brief relationship with a guy who was born with a malformed penis. The whole "helmet" area was unlike anything I'd ever seen before or since - almost like how they draw a cartoon trick cigar after it has expoded - instead of coming to a point, it sort of flared out.

However, he was sweet and gentle and handsome and strong. It didn't freak me out or worry me. He went away to study elsewhere and I moved on too, but I still think of him fondly and hope he found someone nice.

If it bothers you, why don't you have prosthetic testicles? I saw a programme about testicular cancer, which my cousin had as a young man, and they had all sorts of shapes and sizes which could be used. I'm presuming you has your scrotum removed as part of the cancer treatment rather than any other reason.

Honestly, I would be looking to your qualities as a human being rather than the shape of your genitals.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I'm presuming you had your scrotum removed as part of the cancer treatment rather than any other reason.

OP:

Yes, a majority of it was removed due to a post-surgery infection. For cosmetic reasons, I had the rest of it removed because I had thought about getting a prostetic pair but the surgery consultant said there was not enough material left and they would have to reconstruct from borrowed skin elsewhere.

Like I said, it just looks like I never had balls to begin with.

[Anonymous]

My mum had breast cancer twice, the sencond time she had a complete mastectomy.

I think you might find some similarities - different part of the body, I know, but many women feel self-conscious after surgery.

As I said - it wouldn't bother me in the least.

[Anonymous]

Sorry - I didn't mean to post the above anonymously -pressed the wrong button!

[Neutrality]

I think like everyone else said, ikt would be a little weird at first but it wouldn't stop me from dating you =) Especially since you said your penis works fine...that's the ffun part anyways =P

[Swim2Fly]

I feel sorry for the people who are turned off by this. It shouldn't be an issue in the least. What purpose would those balls have in a homosexual relationship, anyway? Testicles are pointless. I would get over it. Quickly. Heck, it might even look better than what I have.

But let's take a step backwards. I probably wouldn't be going back with you and fooling around like that until I knew a good bit about you. So I'm guessing that I would already know that you had had cancer (and are 100% cancer-free now, I hope??). I would have a heck of a lot of respect for you, and I would see the absence of balls and say, "Now this is a MAN!"

So what should you do? Maybe try to get it out there that you had testicular cancer? A person with a brain the size of your scrotum should be able to piece things together from there. There's just a lot more to chemistry than a ballsack. If you are hooking up with people who are not pure scumbags, I just don't see people getting too upset over it.

I can only imagine how hard this must be for you, but it sounds like the worst part (the cancer) is behind! You're still alive! And still capable of having some fun! I think other people will see that in you.

[Anonymous]

OP:

Lol, yes, I am cancer free now. It was really hard at first. Being an 18 year old and being told that the removal of your testicles and the lymph nodes around your groin and other parts of your reproductive system are the only way to prevent the spread of cancer is pretty difficult to take. I've learned to live with it and be fine through support groups and counseling. Of course I wish I still had testicles, but it's fine. I've kept fit and actually, I see myself as pretty desirable in terms of my build and looks. I do constanly get the attention of women, which I find flattering. And, yes, my penis works fabulously so I have that at least.

I do want a relationship though. My therapist said that I really should try to talk to people and try to flirt. My first and only boyfriend dumped me about 3 months after my first surgery, just before my second surgery and I never recovered from that dump fully.

It's weird because I have a desire to have sex but it's not to get off or anything as simple as that. I want the closeness of another person and to be able to share an intimate moment with a person I care about deeply. I just don't know how to approach it and I don't know if I could take another reaction like I got from my ex where he said he wanted a complete man and that he didn't know if he could handle it. My biggest fear is to meet a nice guy who I'm in love with and when that times comes where we get a little closer, he can't handle it and is gone.

[Brenny]

Honestly, if I were dating a guy, and I found out he was in this situation, it wouldn't really matter. He still has the rest of his penis! I think there would be initial awkwardness but talking it out would solve it for the most part. If I love a man, a small thing like that is not consequential. I'd rather have a man missing testicles whom I love rather than miss out on having him in my life.

As for one night stands, that is a different story. Those are shallow flings so that'd be distracting and surprising. But if you are in a relationship, that is something that I really don't think matters.

[DanA]

Yeah, I was the one testicle guy you referenced in the first post. Cancer is difficult. Chemo sucks, surgery sucks, the drugs suck, and I'm sure you may have felt this too but I hated the way people would look at me that knew I had cancer. That sort of "oh sweetie I feel so sorry for you" look. I don't want pity or understanding... I want normalcy.

I dunno, it's hard to expain. It's good you went to support groups and whatnot. At the very least, that can help bring some normalcy back to your life and I'm sure it has.

In terms of the testicle question, I would have no problem from the outset. Maybe because I've gone though a similar thing, but it's no issue to me. I was worried about myself, but kinda got past that mental block and it's just a matter of accepting that you're awesome no matter what you look like. You'll find a good man and if he does leave you for something as trivial as that, you're much better off without him as I'm sure many on here will say.

I'd be psyched to have a guy with no balls... no messy clean up! :P

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by DanA

I'd be psyched to have a guy with no balls... no messy clean up! :P

OP:

LOL, that is a little bit true. I wont get graphic but it's not always the case :P

And yes on the pity while you have cancer. I really didn't need to be constanly reminded that I had cancer.

[Ianthe]

Truly, I think this is something that might be a problem in terms of casual sex, but not in terms of relationships so much.

Keep in mind that when your boyfriend left you, you were both really young, and you still were in the midst of treatment, you still had the cancer. It was at least partly your illness that he "couldn't handle." I will say, I think it was really horrible of him if he actually said to you that you were not a "complete man."

I also want to say, just in case there is anyone out there reading this that HAS lost his penis to accident or illness, that that really won't destroy all your relationship prospects, either. I know of plenty of transgender men, who never had penises in the first place, and they don't get the bottom surgery because it frankly isn't as good as they'd like, and they still manage to have relationships with both men and women.

[Tim]

Honestly, I'd probably ask a few questions, but that's about it.

Something that minor isn't something to make or break a relationship.

[Lad123]

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I would be a little shocked at first but its not a deal breaker.

[Lexington]

One of my favorite things about going to bed with a guy for the first time is exploring his body. This would just be one other thing to explore. I'd hope that you'd sort of prepare me beforehand, so I wouldn't just suddenly notice your scrotum was missing, and wonder if I had yanked your underwear down too quickly.

Lex

[Time]

As someone else said, I would have questions but it wouldn't be an issue at all.

[Anonymous]

I went out with a guy for a while with a bit of a physical "deformity". I didn't see it as an issue AT ALL but in the end he didn't think I'd actually want to be with him (no matter how much I said otherwise) because of it so he ended it.

So, if you were to ask me out and were to tell me about this, I wouldn't give a damn about your lack of testicles, massive non-issue. But my worry would be that if you're so hung up about this so-called "deformity" would you break my heart like the other guy did by believing that this made you undateable.

Will some people care? Yes! But, if you're looking for emotional intimacy these are the types of guys that probably won't be able to give it to you even if you had all your testicles.

In the end confidence is the thing that's sexy and that's true whether you have one ball, two balls or no balls!