Confused. wondering if anyone else has been through this

[Anonymous]

Beware this post is graphic and should be viewed by people of older age
Hey, just another confused person here. I am an eighteen year old male. I originally thought I was straight for the first 18 years of my life never questioning otherwise. I have never been with a girl because of Social Awkwardness. One day while I was high I randomly said I think I am gay. Then I proceeded to feel terrible the next day. I forgot about that night. Another night I was high again and a friend of mine brought it up. And I felt terrible the next day. So I tested myself, not wanting to be gay, by watching gay porn and I couldn't get aroused. So I continued with the straight stuff I have always been comfortable with. After that however I had found guys attractive while still finding girls attractive. So at this point I was beginning to question if I was bi with the obvious attraction to girls still. I began to rationalize all these feelings I had. Then one day while I was smoking with my friends again and pretty much every time I begin to think I am bi again. I mean I have never expiremented or anything, but that one time I really wanted to get with a friend of mine who is probably also bi. I did not do anything, but it was one of the toughest things for me to stop myself from doing. But when I am not high these feelings for guys just go away. I keep on watching gay porn trying to get off, but I still can't. I have pretty much accepted that I am bi and I still can't get aroused by it. I mean occasionally I'll get aroused for a second and then it'll be gone. Its really confusing for me. Just wondering if anyone else is like this. Its really just annoying and probably the only way I can figure out these feelings is experimenting with other people.

[Anonymous]

I have for some parts of the storie like not getting of to porn but still feeling attracted to men, however the guys I'm attracted to ik and care about. So I think i might be pansexual... But yea in the same boat

[Anonymous]

First, stop smoking weed so much. It's messing with your head.

Second, I'm bi but really don't get off on gay porn. Not sure why but when I watch, it's always straight porn, but I enjoy looking at the guy.

Give yourself some time to figure this out (without sparking up).

[kitsune309]

I don't think you sound all that bi to me. Probably a Kinsey 1. You're attracted to men in certain situations, but not outside of them at all. I'd relax if I were you. I also don't think you should identify as bi based on a sexual attraction you only feel when you're intoxicated. You don't want to sleep with a guy most of the time, you don't get off on gay porn, you're happy liking women. I think that you want to be bi, so you're trying to force it into existence, but it probably isn't there.

[Chip]

Difficult to say for sure.

I think there's no question that you're using weed as a means of self-medicating from something that's going on in your life, but the interesting paradox here is the weed is apparently opening up to something that appears to be coming from your unconscious.

It can also get complicated in that unconscious will often interfere very strongly and directly to keep you from getting in touch with feelings it wants to keep away from conscious.

So on the face, yes, I'd agree that it doesn't seem like there are any clear signs that you're gay. But it's also possible there's really, really deep denial going on.

So, what is it that's making you feel this attraction to guys? Is it only when you're high? And when you're at the beach, at the mall, or other places where there are attractive guys and girls around... where do your eyes go? Toward the guys or the girls, or both?

Another suggestion is try masturbating without any porn at all. Let your mind provide the imagery and fantasies and see where your mind leads you. Do you find yourself imagining guys, girls, or both.

And you could look at the porn you're watching and see if maybe that particular porn doesn't suit you. Perhaps you need guys who look different physically, are older or younger than what you're watching now, or some such. Also, there are some people for whom the denial is fierce, but then one day something happens and they suddenly find it *really* arousing, so I'd say keep trying various types and just see what connects for you.

It's good that you're working on understanding yourself. Take your time and don't be in a hurry. If you're totally straight, that's fine. And if you're gay or bi, that's fine too.