Am I gay or is my head just messed up?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why I think I might be gay or bi. I don't know why I suddenly can't stop thinking about that. I am constantly questioning myself and analysing my thoughts. I desperately want this to just stop. How do I know if there is any truth in that at all, or if it is just hocd or something else wrong with my head?

[Bobbgooduk]

Being gay isn't the same as being messed up. You might not be sure of your inclinations yet, but being gay is only one of a range of possibilities.

What's messing you up is your fear of what it MEANS to you as a family member, as a member of your community, for your personal future (love etc).

The only real solution to your dilemma is to sit quietly and think it through WITHOUT PREJUDICE. It might take you a while t come to a definitive conclusion, but you must be content to accept yourself, whatever your conclusion.

Failing to accept yourself as you are will cost you dearly in the long run.

[BudderMC]

Are you attracted to men? Y/N

To help you answer that, look at your daily activity. Do you get aroused by gay porn/the guys in straight porn? Can you fantasize about other guys? Do you catch yourself eying guys on the street in passing?

I know it's a really easy subject to overcomplicate, but the answer is as simple as that question. If you like men, you're probably gay/bi (to some degree), and if you don't, you're probably straight.

[Anonymous]

Op here.
It sounds like a straightforward question, but if I found it easy to answer then I wouldn't have made this thread.
I'm a girl actually. I don't watch porn much but my tastes are so conflicting that I don't think I can base much on them. Lesbian porn feels a bit disturbing and fake (something about how the girls act and are dressed), I've only found one that I actually liked. I find gay porn pretty interesting (which seeing as I'm a girl, probably shows that there is something wrong with me). I've almost never watched straight porn, but when I have some bits of it (especially girls giving blowjobs) have made me feel a bit sick.
My fantasies don't go too far, the most I have really imagined is being held by a girl. That could just be a platonic desire for physical human contact, because it only happened when i was feeling particularly lonely. I have imagined being married to a boy though.
The one thing on your list that I often find myself doing, is watching girls on the street. But does looking at girls actually imply attraction? Don't straight girls admire other girls too?

[Neutrality]

I'm not great at giving advice so I'll leave more detailed help to other but, one thing I can say is watching gay porn doesn't make a girl weird or messed up. Do you know how many straight guys watch lesbian porn? Why can't a girl watch gay porn.

[BudderMC]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Op here.
It sounds like a straightforward question, but if I found it easy to answer then I wouldn't have made this thread.
I'm a girl actually. I don't watch porn much but my tastes are so conflicting that I don't think I can base much on them. Lesbian porn feels a bit disturbing and fake (something about how the girls act and are dressed), I've only found one that I actually liked. I find gay porn pretty interesting (which seeing as I'm a girl, probably shows that there is something wrong with me). I've almost never watched straight porn, but when I have some bits of it (especially girls giving blowjobs) have made me feel a bit sick.
My fantasies don't go too far, the most I have really imagined is being held by a girl. That could just be a platonic desire for physical human contact, because it only happened when i was feeling particularly lonely. I have imagined being married to a boy though.
The one thing on your list that I often find myself doing, is watching girls on the street. But does looking at girls actually imply attraction? Don't straight girls admire other girls too?

Ah, well sorry about that. I seem to assume the Anonymous posters are male. :P

Yeah, porn is really fake at times. There's quite a bit of it I personally don't like, for the same reasons. I think if you're having some minimal interest in lesbian porn but aren't at all interested in straight porn, that's probably indicative of something.

Oh, and I can't remember the reasoning (if there is any reasoning...) but it's been thrown around here a few times. Apparently a surprisingly large number of gay/bi girls enjoy gay porn, so it's not just you.

We just covered this in a psych class of mine, but women are much less sex-driven than men. Since women don't magically change between a straight and gay relationship, they're still not really sex-driven. Maybe you just have a low sex drive. Maybe you like girls and don't want to have sex with them. Both are perfectly valid answers.

You're right in that simply admiring girls doesn't imply attraction; straight girls do that all the time over beauty and looks. I guess it's a little more obvious with guys (I mean, straight guys don't look at guys often). I think what's more important to weigh is while girls are catching your eye, do any guys catch your eye?

Anecdotal evidence: I admired guys all the time when I was in my teens (I dunno how old you are, but whatever), and I always thought it was because they were so good looking and I definitely wasn't. Turns out I was wrong. Sometimes that desire doesn't surface right away.

[Lovely]

Hiya - like Neutrality I often stay away from giving advice because I don't think I'm great at it, but could I just sift through a few things here?

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Lesbian porn feels a bit disturbing and fake (something about how the girls act and are dressed), I've only found one that I actually liked. I find gay porn pretty interesting (which seeing as I'm a girl, probably shows that there is something wrong with me).

(Emphasis added).

Why do you think that liking gay porn makes something wrong with you? I know that many lesbians and straight women prefer gay porn (if they prefer porn at all), and I don't think there's anything particularly "abnormal" about them (not any more so than any one else, at least)?

Anyways, it's also not strange that a gay woman would not like lesbian porn - 99% of it is made for straight men. That's generally who likes it.

In regards to your actual orientation, as you can see porn is not always the best indicator with women. It's hard for me to say anything with certainty since I am not a female, however I can tell you that -

Originally Posted by Anonymous

The one thing on your list that I often find myself doing, is watching girls on the street. But does looking at girls actually imply attraction? Don't straight girls admire other girls too?

- sure, straight girls can admire other women, perhaps even in a solely physical sense. But they don't unconsciously go there. Their eyes don't leap to a woman walking down the street automatically, and they have to process what they "should" like about this person instead of just liking it. Straight/bi men and (presumably) gay/bi women don't think about it - their eyes just go there. And I'm kinda rambling now due to my inability to describe that perfectly, but does that make sense?


Anyways, how you should go about fully figuring this out I'm not entirely sure. I suppose I'd just second Bob in saying just explore, without making judgements about what you're imagining (i.e., thinking "without prejudice"). Doing otherwise really just prolongs the process..

Anywho, good luck