What's the appeal of sex with someone you aren't attracted to?

[Anonymous]

Maybe I'm just too hormonal (i.e. horny) and I'll understand this when I'm older and my sex hormones have calmed down, but this is something I've found hard to conceptualize for a while now, and I do want to understand it.

I know of many people who say that they didn't find their partner sexually attractive based on purely physical appearance when they first met, but later grew to be attracted to their partner emotionally and were able to enjoy sex with them because of that. How does sex with someone you're emotionally attracted to, but not physically attracted to, work? As naive as that probably sounds, I really do want to understand. Is physical attraction actually not a significant factor in making sex work? (My own experience with sex is fairly limited, and it was all with someone I found physically appealing.) How do being turned on physically and being turned on by an emotional connection with someone compare? And am I right in thinking it's something that comes with age?

[sanguine]

Well I think you are assuming they are still not attracted to the partner sexually and that its only emotional attraction

for me if I were emotionally attracted to someone Im pretty sure I can salvage something physical from them also

to me if someone were a 1/10 but the personality was perfect, that 1/10 jumps to a 10/10 and all of a sudden they are sexy as hell

[TheEdend]

^ That's pretty much how it works.

After people get emotionally attracted, the person just sort of becomes more physically attractive in their eyes. Its one of the many reasons why people say love blinds xD You also have a lot of people say "what was I thinking?" after they stop having feelings for that person.

The same thing happens when you get older and beauty starts to slowly go down. You are still attracted to your partner, but its just a much more complex attraction.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with not having sex or dating someone because you don't find them physically attractive to begin with.

[Night Rain]

Sex.

[Ethan]

To quote Amy pond from Doctor Who

You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, when you meet them you think, "Not bad. They're okay." And then you get to know them and... and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by sanguine

Well I think you are assuming they are still not attracted to the partner sexually and that its only emotional attraction

for me if I were emotionally attracted to someone Im pretty sure I can salvage something physical from them also

to me if someone were a 1/10 but the personality was perfect, that 1/10 jumps to a 10/10 and all of a sudden they are sexy as hell

That's exactly it. I'm not normally physically attracted to the people that I fall in love with at first, looks may catch my eyes, but the personality, makes them become even more attractive.

[RueBea85]

That was me, forgot to uncheck the box.

[Bobbgooduk]

I agree with all that has been said - emotional attraction far outweighs physical attraction in my book.

The sort of men I find "sexy" are really not the sort of people I'd be able to live with on a day-to-day basis.

For me, sexual attraction comes after feeling warm and comfortable with someone and that has nothing to do with outward appearance.

The quote from Amy Pond hits the nail on the head