Overly-friendly Friend

[Anonymous]

Help.

So I have a friend who I think overly friendly, he sometimes texts me all day and some times late at night as well, seeking random conversations about anything at all, and often it would also be links to internet memes (sometimes non-stop). He sends me "good morning/good night" texts and sometimes calls me honey or whatever.

I'm good at keeping texting as a background activity, I text a lot and often carry conversations over span of days because, in my mind, when you're in the middle of something else, you don't have to respond to a text that isn't urgent, its just like another facebook message or email message. But when I don't respond often to this friend after a day or two, he is clearly upset and burst out very subtly. I just pretend I don't know why he bursts out and he apologizes and goes back to the overly-friendly sweet tone of voice.

He and I are not really the best of friends. I mean the antics that I've described above typically, at least it seems to me, is exhibited amongst really good friends who have known each other for a while. But I just recently made friends with him. I deem him as a good person, and so I don't want to stop being friends with him, but I am at the point where I don't know what to do about his antics. Usually, to my other more familiar friends I'm really direct. I'll be saying things like "Yo what the fuck man stop that shit" and we'd be laughing about it. But in this case, I don't think comments like that will be well-received.

What to do?

[Anonymous]

You're male right?

He sends me "good morning/good night" texts and sometimes calls me honey or whatever.

This is beyond "overly-friendly".

But when I don't respond often to this friend after a day or two, he is clearly upset and burst out very subtly.

If I were him I would be upset too if my friend didn't reply to me after 2 days. If you're busy, or annoyed, simply say to him something that ends the conversation (like "ok, bye" or "talk to you later",etc.).
Anyway, do you want to pursue a relationship with him? If not, just tell him.

[prism]

Telling him you're not interested in anything more than friendship is weird, because you're not sure if that's what he's looking for. Even if he is, he could deny it. Been there, it's annoying.

If you don't want to confront him about it, you could always just take the passive aggressive route and stop replying to his texts. That might push him to confront you and you can figure out what's going on. When he gets upset, just tell him you don't understand what the big deal is.

Texting causes so much anxiety. The other person knows you're getting the message so you have to respond. I'm not antisocial, but sometimes I don't want to eternally hold 100 conversations. I've had a "broken phone" for over a year now and sometimes my phone doesn't receive text messages.

[Jonah 4]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Help.

So I have a friend who I think overly friendly, he sometimes texts me all day and some times late at night as well, seeking random conversations about anything at all, and often it would also be links to internet memes (sometimes non-stop). He sends me "good morning/good night" texts and sometimes calls me honey or whatever.

I'm good at keeping texting as a background activity, I text a lot and often carry conversations over span of days because, in my mind, when you're in the middle of something else, you don't have to respond to a text that isn't urgent, its just like another facebook message or email message. But when I don't respond often to this friend after a day or two, he is clearly upset and burst out very subtly. I just pretend I don't know why he bursts out and he apologizes and goes back to the overly-friendly sweet tone of voice.

He and I are not really the best of friends. I mean the antics that I've described above typically, at least it seems to me, is exhibited amongst really good friends who have known each other for a while. But I just recently made friends with him. I deem him as a good person, and so I don't want to stop being friends with him, but I am at the point where I don't know what to do about his antics. Usually, to my other more familiar friends I'm really direct. I'll be saying things like "Yo what the fuck man stop that shit" and we'd be laughing about it. But in this case, I don't think comments like that will be well-received.

What to do?

Maybe, instead of pretending to not know why he bursts out, just ask him what upsets him about you not getting back to him right away? And tell him to be honest.

[Bobbgooduk]

You say the two of you are not best friends - he he someone you could become closer to? Not necessarily bf-material, but could he be upgraded to good friend?

If the answer is no, then I think you need to be honest and tell him you're getting irritated. If you COULD be friends, maybe you could ask him to calm down a little.

If you think, with a bit of training, he had bf potential - that might be what HE'S hoping for but can't bring himself to say it.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Help.

So I have a friend who I think overly friendly, he sometimes texts me all day and some times late at night as well, seeking random conversations about anything at all, and often it would also be links to internet memes (sometimes non-stop). He sends me "good morning/good night" texts and sometimes calls me honey or whatever.

I'm good at keeping texting as a background activity, I text a lot and often carry conversations over span of days because, in my mind, when you're in the middle of something else, you don't have to respond to a text that isn't urgent, its just like another facebook message or email message. But when I don't respond often to this friend after a day or two, he is clearly upset and burst out very subtly. I just pretend I don't know why he bursts out and he apologizes and goes back to the overly-friendly sweet tone of voice.

He and I are not really the best of friends. I mean the antics that I've described above typically, at least it seems to me, is exhibited amongst really good friends who have known each other for a while. But I just recently made friends with him. I deem him as a good person, and so I don't want to stop being friends with him, but I am at the point where I don't know what to do about his antics. Usually, to my other more familiar friends I'm really direct. I'll be saying things like "Yo what the fuck man stop that shit" and we'd be laughing about it. But in this case, I don't think comments like that will be well-received.

What to do?

Sadly to say I been in this situation before on both sides so I can see from both perspectives. When I was bored and depressed i would talk to gay guys online and one time I freaked out at guy because he would not respond to my texts. When I got better i felt bad about what I did and tried to work things out but he was one to hold a grudge and wanted really nothing to do with me. This guy might be bored and depressed and possibly does not have a lot of supportive friends around him so he feels that your the only person he can talk to. Not saying what he is doing is normal behavior just saying he probably has some issues that causes him to do things like this. I also been in your position and would get annoyed when I would not text someone back right away and they would give me a attitude like I was being rude. I would still tell this guy how you feel and let him down easily and go from there.

[Anonymous]

OP Here:

To answer your questions.

I don't want to think about bf right now. So, disregarding that....

He is potentially someone who can become a close friend. When we have substance-filled conversations, I enjoy listening to his opinions and sharing mine. It's the endless texts with meaningless stuff that is difficult to handle.

Basically, how would you handle a needy friend who is getting on your nerves. I don't just want to directly ask him to stop it because he's irritating me. As a friend I believe that I have an obligation to receive when he feels the need to share something, whether he believes its funny or sentimental. Friendships are two-way streets one day I might need a listening pair of ears myself.

[Bobbgooduk]

Could you establish ground rules:

I need my beauty-sleep - unless it's really urgent, I won't answer messages after....pm

I'll get back to you as soon as I can but sometimes I'm busy

It's cool to be friends and stuff and I enjoy chatting BUT I can't always handle a lot of messages as I have things I have to do


If you're consistent (and don't just ignore when it's him) he'' get used to the boundaries and respect them. All friendships (and relationships) need boundaries - you just need to set some. That way he will know you're not just ignoring him or trying to wind him up and you will know that if he asks outside the boudaries, it must be something urgent and not just the fact that he has nothing better to do.

If he wants to remain your friend, he'll accept the boundaries, but he needs to know what they are, otherwise he can't respect them.

Good luck