Can Lesbians Have Crushes on Guys?

[Anonymous]

Okay so I'm just coming to terms with the fact that I'm lesbian, but I have a question. This may sound completely ridiculous but if you're gay or lesbian, is it okay to have major crushes on people of the opposite sex?

For example, if I think a guy is really hot but I identify as a lesbian? Or is it okay to have major crushes on male celebrities?

I have a couple lesbian friends, they only seem to talk about female crushes. I always tend to find myself wanting to say oh I think that actor is hot, but then I wonder if it's okay to think that.

[Hot Pink]

Not really. I think a few male actors are hot and I have had crushes on guys before. The crushes were purely emotional, though, and I do identify as being panromantic, but I'm also homosexual. Noticing if guys are hot is one thing, but if you want to have sex with them you're probably bisexual.

[Katelynn]

Sexuality is fluid, so to identify as gay & then to have a crush on someone of the opposite sex isn't an abnormal or wrong thing. Nobody will come along & revoke your gay privileges if you think a guy is hot. I also identify as lesbian, but I do see the odd guy & he catches my attention, I've even wondered what it would like to have sex with a guy. Many lesbians know for most of their lives that they're gay, yet still date & sleep with, even marry & have kids with, guys. Doesn't make them any less lesbian either, it just means that they needed time to come to terms with themselves before they identified as lesbian is all. I have a lesbian friend who even slept with a male friend once but it didn't make her any less gay & both her & her male friend accepted & understood that (admittedly, there was alcohol involved). You may run across those in the lesbian &/or womyn's communities that will tell you otherwise, but it honestly doesn't make you less gay to notice, crush on or even in isolated encounters, sleep with, the opposite sex. Don't let anyone try & take your gay away from you!

[Ianthe]

Hmm. I actually think that instances of having sex are far less telling than crushes. People have sex, and even relationships, for lots of reasons, and it's definitely possible to have had a lot of sex that is contrary to your sexual orientation.

I think that a "major crush"--sustained romantic interest, with an element of physical attraction--on an opposite sex person you know in real life would be a pretty strong indicator that you are not 100% homosexual. If it's an isolated case (only one guy, ever) I think you might reasonably still identify as a lesbian, but if there is a second "major crush" on a guy, I think you would have to consider that a significant part of your sexual orientation.

Crushes on celebrities are an easy way for you to cling to the idea of yourself being attracted to men, without you ever having to act on it. So, I don't think celebrity crushes by themselves are sufficient evidence that you are attracted to men.

Likewise, thinking a guy is hot, in an abstract way, is not necessarily the same thing as wanting to have sex with him. If you are frequently finding men sexually desirable, a lesbian identity probably doesn't make sense. But the ability to tell the difference between a handsome man and a plain one has no bearing on your sexual orientation. Everyone can do that.

[Anonymous]

I have had sexual fantasies about men before but that was years ago and it's only been with a couple guys in my entire life. Now that I think of it, I've only had crushes, real crushes on maybe one or two guys I've known. I've had tons of crushes on other women. Now being a time that I have a crush on another woman.

So I guess right now, I'm confused. I don't know if I really am just confused or going through a phase, I don't know if I'm telling myself these things to try to make it easier. It's still very new to me all these feelings I've had. I guess i'm still trying to work it out

[midwestgirl89]

I think it depends on what you mean by major crush. Is the crush on a male celebrity a physical admiration or is there something more? Do you want to have sex with them? It sounds like you just think they are hot.

I think it's common for people in general to notice when celebrities are very good looking. A physical attraction to a celebrity doesn't say much about your sexuality. I think it's about who you are attracted to emotionally and physically in the real world, who you have big-time crushes on that gets you excited and giddy.

Over the years...even when I knew I liked girls..I have found a lot of male celebrities physically attractive. In fact I think I've been attracted to more male celebrities than female celebrities. But when I am attracted to a female celebrity it's a different kind of attraction and more isolated. Guys can be hot. It's a fact of life lol and I don't think it makes you less gay to notice that. I also feel bad for noticing guy celebrities. After The Avengers I told my friends that Chris Hemsworth is a sexy man and they thought I was nuts. Even though he's super attractive I could never see myself with a guy in real life.

Can you see yourself romantically/sexually (in the real world) with the opposite sex and/or the same sex?

[musikk021]

Well for me, I would see and find certain guys attractive, but I also realize that that's only because I want to be them...not be with them. You know? It's like, I wish I was a hot straight guy; that way, it'd be so much easier to be with a girl. It's not that I have a crush on them or have any feelings for them whatsoever. I just envy their looks and would rather be a handsome guy than a loser lesbian. Have you ever thought about it that way? Maybe it's the source of your "crush"?

[Anonymous]

I could see myself marrying another woman, I have feelings towards other women before, I've never really thought about it a whole lot because the way I was raised, I didn't know very much about LGBT so I didn't really understand the feelings I was having until a few months ago.

I have spoken to other lesbians who have said the same thing about wishing they were a straight guy, or idolizing straight guys in the way that they wish they could just be them, s they could be with women, like musikk021 said. I've never really felt that way, which just tends to make me even more confused.

Because in real life I've only ever crushed on two guys, and one of them I didn't even really have a crush on him for very long, maybe a few weeks give or take but it was around the beginning of this year. I don't even think it was really a crush because I just wanted to hang out with him. Does that make sense?

[julia]

I find many guys attractive and I have a massive crush on Darren Criss but that doesn't make me any less of a lesbian. I like women, I want to be with a women, I want to have sex with them. I don't ever want to be with a man, never again. It's not against any rule to find men attractive, at all. Straight men and women can find their own sex attractive but that doesn't mean they're gay, it's so much more than that.

[Anonymous]

So to add another question, what if you would be willing to have sex with guys because it feels good, not necessarily that the sight of naked guy body turns you on so much as you just want to have sex... would you still consider yourself a lesbian?

[flyinhernikes]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

So to add another question, what if you would be willing to have sex with guys because it feels good, not necessarily that the sight of naked guy body turns you on so much as you just want to have sex... would you still consider yourself a lesbian?

pretty sure if youre sleeping with a guy or being intimate and enjoying it youre probably not 100% gay

[Robert]

Yes.

[ToTheCeilingFan]

This is just my opinion, but for me, men are like teapots when it comes to sex. I could probably figure out a way to have sex with a teapot if I so desired, and perhaps it would even be pleasurable (probably depending on the teapot)...but I don't fantasize about teapots, nor do I get hot and bothered when I see a particularly attractive teapot in the local Home Goods. I might notice that a teapot is pretty or a nice color or whatever, but I don't really think of it as a sexual object -- it lacks sex appeal. Same with guys. If you're crushing on a teapot (sorry, guy) then perhaps you are sexually attracted to guys...but dude, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Sexuality is fluid and hard to fit into a box, and no two peoples' boxes are the same. Love who you love.