Being for sure about it - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

Anonymous · 9th Aug 2012, 06:30 PM

So I'm an open minded kind of guy and... I've had attractions to men, but also to women. I haven't done anything with anyone but I'm bicurious. How am I going to be for sure, 100% percent sure that I'm bisexual, gay, or straight?

#1

Melissa · 9th Aug 2012, 06:37 PM

It's just my opinion, but I don't know if anyone is ever 100% sure of anything, much less who they are attracted to. Why must you be 100% sure? What's wrong with just staying curious and open-minded? Sorry, this isn't an answer, but maybe you shouldn't be so quick to label yourself...?

Tetraquark · 9th Aug 2012, 07:56 PM

Like DayByDay said, I don't think anyone is ever 100% sure. You can, however, become more sure with experience and reflection. Try dating people of all genders and seeing if you click. As long as you're open about where you're at in terms of uncovering your orientation, there shouldn't be too many problems (beyond those present in all relationships, of course).

Also, try not to think about it all the time. Even when you're not consciously thinking about it, your brain is still mulling it over. For example, when I started questioning again recently, I more or less settled the matter while reading my particle physics textbook.

Vesper · 9th Aug 2012, 08:41 PM

I third the opinion that no one is ever 100% sure--that's just statistically impossible. Striving for that 100% mark is just going to leave you frustrated, as it did (and still does) me; just go with the flow and let the realization come to you naturally. You can, of course, help it along by doing some "experimentation", like Tetraquark said, or whatever other way you choose if that's not something you want to do.

Jared · 9th Aug 2012, 09:01 PM

I fourth the no one is 100% sure idea. I spent a long time denying that I was gay since I wasn't 100% sure and the only thing that striving for 100% gave me was frustration and lots of denial. I think that if you try to make yourself 100% sure of anything, especially your sexuality, you will go crazy. Work it out at your own pace and you'll figure it out.

Anonymous · 10th Aug 2012, 04:43 AM

Yup, you guessed it.

I'm going to 5th the "nobody is 100%" part.

i would refrain from labeling yourself. What is the rush? Just go with the flow and do what you want.

Experimenting with both sexes could help steer you towards one end of the sexuality spectrum. It might help you realize that you lean one way or the other. But i do not think you will ever get to 100% confirmation, and it's perfectly fine you don't.

9th Aug 2012, 06:37 PM	#2
Melissa E-scriber Full Member Gender: Mare Orientation: Zebra who loves Ponies...wait, what? Out Status: Some people Location: New Jersey Age: 24 Posts: 377 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Being for sure about it It's just my opinion, but I don't know if anyone is ever 100% sure of anything, much less who they are attracted to. Why must you be 100% sure? What's wrong with just staying curious and open-minded? Sorry, this isn't an answer, but maybe you shouldn't be so quick to label yourself...?

9th Aug 2012, 07:56 PM	#3
Tetraquark Apprentice Programmer Full Member Gender: Somewhere between demigirl and genderqueer Orientation: Queer Out Status: Anyone who asks (except grandparents) Location: Inside my own head Age: 20 Posts: 825 Join Date: Feb 2012	Re: Being for sure about it Like DayByDay said, I don't think anyone is ever 100% sure. You can, however, become more sure with experience and reflection. Try dating people of all genders and seeing if you click. As long as you're open about where you're at in terms of uncovering your orientation, there shouldn't be too many problems (beyond those present in all relationships, of course). Also, try not to think about it all the time. Even when you're not consciously thinking about it, your brain is still mulling it over. For example, when I started questioning again recently, I more or less settled the matter while reading my particle physics textbook. __________________ "I believe our future depends powerfully on how well we understand this Cosmos in which we float like a mote of dust in the morning sky." -- Carl Sagan

9th Aug 2012, 08:41 PM	#4
Vesper Female Gorilla Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Probably asexual/mostly homoromantic. Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 27 Posts: 1,785 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Being for sure about it I third the opinion that no one is ever 100% sure--that's just statistically impossible. Striving for that 100% mark is just going to leave you frustrated, as it did (and still does) me; just go with the flow and let the realization come to you naturally. You can, of course, help it along by doing some "experimentation", like Tetraquark said, or whatever other way you choose if that's not something you want to do. __________________ --- “But evil cannot be made good by revelation, and good cannot be made evil by persecution.” - Helen H. Gardener

9th Aug 2012, 09:01 PM	#5
Jared Formerly Cornella93 Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Double Gold Star Gay Out Status: College, mom and some people from home Location: Los Angeles Age: 19 Posts: 1,162 Join Date: Feb 2012	Re: Being for sure about it I fourth the no one is 100% sure idea. I spent a long time denying that I was gay since I wasn't 100% sure and the only thing that striving for 100% gave me was frustration and lots of denial. I think that if you try to make yourself 100% sure of anything, especially your sexuality, you will go crazy. Work it out at your own pace and you'll figure it out. __________________ "All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you." - Walt Disney

10th Aug 2012, 04:43 AM	#6
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 50,677 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Being for sure about it Yup, you guessed it. I'm going to 5th the "nobody is 100%" part. i would refrain from labeling yourself. What is the rush? Just go with the flow and do what you want. Experimenting with both sexes could help steer you towards one end of the sexuality spectrum. It might help you realize that you lean one way or the other. But i do not think you will ever get to 100% confirmation, and it's perfectly fine you don't.

9th Aug 2012, 06:30 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 50,677 Join Date: Dec 2007	Being for sure about it So I'm an open minded kind of guy and... I've had attractions to men, but also to women. I haven't done anything with anyone but I'm bicurious. How am I going to be for sure, 100% percent sure that I'm bisexual, gay, or straight? #1