:( - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

Anonymous · 11th Aug 2012, 09:25 PM

I feel like i've lived a life full of nothing... I've never had a social life. I hardly have any experience with that sort of thing. I haven't dated anyone in two years and the only boyfriend i've had only lasted two weeks.

I know the solution. I know I should take steps to build relationships with people. But the really scary thing is... part of me doesn't want to. Part of me wants to grapple with this lonliness the rest of my life rather than live. I'm so afraid that it will be become reality. I'm so afraid all the time of fucking up my life. It haunts me, but even as it haunts, i still cannot push myself to put myself out there. What's wrong with me? What do I do?

**Ianthe** · 11th Aug 2012, 09:32 PM

What about friends? I think that's probably the place to start, rather than with looking for a romantic relationship.

What's your life like? What do you do every day, what kind of job do you have? Are there any ways that you interact with people on a regular basis?

Anonymous · 11th Aug 2012, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ianthe

What about friends? I think that's probably the place to start, rather than with looking for a romantic relationship.

What's your life like? What do you do every day, what kind of job do you have? Are there any ways that you interact with people on a regular basis?

I was mostly talking about friends. Romance can wait. I don't have a job at the moment. During the school year, I basically go to school, come home, do my homework, and do something uneventful for the rest of the night if i have time. During the summer, let's just say i don't see many people outside of the family for a few months. There are rare times when i hang out with people. God, that so pathetic.

**Ianthe** · 11th Aug 2012, 10:52 PM

Are there any activities you can get involved in through school? It's probably a little late to get involved in a summer activity, but you can make plans for the fall.

If school is college, there is probably an LGBT group on campus. You could get involved in that, presuming that would be appropriate for you (I don't know anything about you because you are anonymous.)

If you are more high school age, and your school doesn't have anything suitable, you can look into local organizations and see if there is anything for youth that isn't through school.

Since it sounds like you are kind of shy, I really strongly recommend getting involved in some kind of structured activity that will bring you into social situations with people. I'm really shy myself, and I know it made a big difference for me when I got involved in the lesbian choir where I live. You want something that will meet regularly and put you in contact with the same people over and over--that way you will get more comfortable with them. Don't expect to make friends or be comfortable instantly--it will probably take some time.

What kinds of things are you interested in? It will work best if the people you meet are involved in something that is a genuine interest for you, because then you will honestly have something in common with them.

**Lexington** · 12th Aug 2012, 07:09 AM

It's very easy to retreat into your shell. The less interaction you have, the more you'll feel like "not risking it" and staying within your safety zone.

I wish there were magic words, or a purple Dumbo feather I could give you to give you the confidence you need, but I'm afraid there aren't any. All I can suggest is this - what are you risking by putting yourself out there? That novody wants to be your friend! Isn't that where you are now?

Quick question. How are you when it comes to social skills? Do you do OK when you have to interact with people!

Lex

Anonymous · 12th Aug 2012, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexington

It's very easy to retreat into your shell. The less interaction you have, the more you'll feel like "not risking it" and staying within your safety zone.

I wish there were magic words, or a purple Dumbo feather I could give you to give you the confidence you need, but I'm afraid there aren't any. All I can suggest is this - what are you risking by putting yourself out there? That novody wants to be your friend! Isn't that where you are now?

Quick question. How are you when it comes to social skills? Do you do OK when you have to interact with people!

Lex

Yes, i do fine when i interact with people. It's not really social skills that are hold me back. I think its laziness and some sort of wierd psychology.

**Lexington** · 12th Aug 2012, 01:33 PM

That's at least a positive sign. It means you won't have to fumble through Social Interactions 101.

You may need to simply goad yourself a bit to put yourself out there. Maybe do a search for some sort of social group in your area? A bowling league, a biking club, a hobby, a volunteer group? Anything that gets you out of the house and interacting would probably be beneficial. And once school atarts, there's always plenty of clubs and intramural sports...

Lex

11th Aug 2012, 09:25 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 50,862 Join Date: Dec 2007	:( I feel like i've lived a life full of nothing... I've never had a social life. I hardly have any experience with that sort of thing. I haven't dated anyone in two years and the only boyfriend i've had only lasted two weeks. I know the solution. I know I should take steps to build relationships with people. But the really scary thing is... part of me doesn't want to. Part of me wants to grapple with this lonliness the rest of my life rather than live. I'm so afraid that it will be become reality. I'm so afraid all the time of fucking up my life. It haunts me, but even as it haunts, i still cannot push myself to put myself out there. What's wrong with me? What do I do?

11th Aug 2012, 09:32 PM	#2
Ianthe Empty Closets Advisor EC Advisor Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 33 Posts: 3,295 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: :( What about friends? I think that's probably the place to start, rather than with looking for a romantic relationship. What's your life like? What do you do every day, what kind of job do you have? Are there any ways that you interact with people on a regular basis?

11th Aug 2012, 10:52 PM	#4
Ianthe Empty Closets Advisor EC Advisor Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 33 Posts: 3,295 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: :( Are there any activities you can get involved in through school? It's probably a little late to get involved in a summer activity, but you can make plans for the fall. If school is college, there is probably an LGBT group on campus. You could get involved in that, presuming that would be appropriate for you (I don't know anything about you because you are anonymous.) If you are more high school age, and your school doesn't have anything suitable, you can look into local organizations and see if there is anything for youth that isn't through school. Since it sounds like you are kind of shy, I really strongly recommend getting involved in some kind of structured activity that will bring you into social situations with people. I'm really shy myself, and I know it made a big difference for me when I got involved in the lesbian choir where I live. You want something that will meet regularly and put you in contact with the same people over and over--that way you will get more comfortable with them. Don't expect to make friends or be comfortable instantly--it will probably take some time. What kinds of things are you interested in? It will work best if the people you meet are involved in something that is a genuine interest for you, because then you will honestly have something in common with them.

12th Aug 2012, 07:09 AM	#5
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 43 Posts: 13,997 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: :( It's very easy to retreat into your shell. The less interaction you have, the more you'll feel like "not risking it" and staying within your safety zone. I wish there were magic words, or a purple Dumbo feather I could give you to give you the confidence you need, but I'm afraid there aren't any. All I can suggest is this - what are you risking by putting yourself out there? That novody wants to be your friend! Isn't that where you are now? Quick question. How are you when it comes to social skills? Do you do OK when you have to interact with people! Lex

12th Aug 2012, 01:33 PM	#7
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 43 Posts: 13,997 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: :( That's at least a positive sign. It means you won't have to fumble through Social Interactions 101. You may need to simply goad yourself a bit to put yourself out there. Maybe do a search for some sort of social group in your area? A bowling league, a biking club, a hobby, a volunteer group? Anything that gets you out of the house and interacting would probably be beneficial. And once school atarts, there's always plenty of clubs and intramural sports... Lex