Sorted things with dad...kind of

[Anonymous]

So basic background: came out to my dad 8 months ago in the midst of depression, he wasn't happy, didn't talk for 8 months, I tried to commit suicide, dropped out of dentistry school and basically had a crap time.

I in no way hated my dad for his response, he is from a very small minded and tight knit religious community and it's an awful lot to ask people to change their views. I hated the circumstance I found myself in, not my dad, after all he did raise me.

So fast forward to present day. We talked. It was nice. I explained my issues and problems and he listened, and whilst he isn't exactly happy about me being gay, he will tolerate it, or turn a "blind eye" to it as he called it. He's said that it's best if I move away and start a new life if that is how I want to live and I agreed with him, he thinks coming out to people in this area as well as extended family would be very problematic. He won't ask about it or want to know anything about it but will still treat me like his son in every other way, including visits and phone calls, just no mention of "gay" life or anything. I consider it a success. He thinks being gay has ruined my life due to my depression and dropping out of school, and whilst I would agree to a certain extent, he thinks it better I live my life, however shamefully, rather than be dead.

I mentioned to him that marriage and kids wasn't really for me and he agreed and hoped that my family would be the only family I ever felt I needed in life. I know it seems awful but I'm genuinely happy with the response. It may be keeping it a secret or it may be damage limitation, but it's possible now, I just have to start looking at where to move! He suggested at least 3 hours away by car, which seems a good distance

He said at the end that he hopes I will find a woman that changes my mind and maybe, we will see, I guess you just have to be open to things

Anyhow, much happier now.

[BudderMC]

That's great to hear things are going better. And all in all, I don't think damage-limitation is a bad route to go. Seeing how far he's come from his initial reaction, who knows how his views may eventually change over time? There is hope yet!

Now, is the 3 hours for your benefit or his benefit?

Regardless, I'm glad that things are looking up.

[Lance]

If you're truly gay, there is no "special woman" than can "change" you. Try to be happy and proud of who you are, you're a very unique and wonderful individual just how you are. If you're okay with his response, then I guess that's all that matters, even though I don't really think it's right personally. It's a lot better than some other parents response I guess.

[thecat06]

I'm glad to hear that he has come around. I really think that he is trying to help you by going the damage limitation route. It's also good that he will continue to talk to you and have visits.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all your respOnses guys. Sorry been so late to reply, been sorting trying to find a
New house etc

The 3 hour distance rule is for both of us, mainly so that no one knows me in the town, that way no one will be able to have contact with anyone in my home town

The homosexuality is purely a sexual thing with me, so don't want the whole marriage/adoption thing, it's just sex. So this arrangement is perfect IMO, I can move away, have lots of NSA sex etc, get it out of my system and then move back to my home town in about 15 years (when my sex drive is lower) which will be just in time for when mu brother has kids as I'd like to have some children in my life

Ive settled on Nottingham UK which is about 4 hours from home town of Devon, my dads given me £1000 to start with and I'm hoping to sign on to job seekers allowance until I can find some form of low skilled job

The thought of being in a new town with no one who knows me
Is very appealing! I'm so lucky and excited for it! Hopefully moving in 2 weeks