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Old 15th Aug 2012, 03:03 PM   #1
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Default I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

Hello...I don't know what I'm looking for writing this but...a week or so ago I got drunk with my straight female best friend and she gave me oral sex. She liked it but I felt horrible afterwards (that is, once I was sober). It just didn't feel right to me. She knows I'm gay but when we were drunk, she kept asking me to do it. I refused a few times but, I was really drunk so I gave in. We're still friends now and we both know what happened...it's just she doesn't think much of it. But for me, I just feel so bad about the whole thing. Like...it didn't feel good (I didn't feel anything really) and I had to watch porn in order to 'finish' but...I don't really know what my problem is. The next morning after it happened I couldn't look her in the eye until she told me it was okay. But, my question is why do I feel so bad? Up until now I thought sexual things weren't that big of a deal. Before that I never even had my first kiss, much less gone any further. So it has all been a shock. And I guess I'm disappointed my first time doing that wasn't with a man...what do I do? How do I get rid of these feelings?
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Old 15th Aug 2012, 03:04 PM   #2
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Default Re: I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

I should mention I'm a guy.
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Old 15th Aug 2012, 03:15 PM   #3
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Default Re: I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

I would say that you are probably upset, because although you were both drunk there is probably still the sense of being taken advantage of. It's just like if you woke up in bed next to someone you didnt know. You know it isnt completely their fault, but you still feel alittle used.

Plus, I wouldnt consider that your first time either. It was nothing like you wanted it to be, you didnt enjoy it, and you really couldnt even engage in it without outside stimuli. If I were you I would still consider it your first time when your with a guy. I would advise that you inform her that it wasnt ok and should not happen again. Just be truthfully with her.
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Old 15th Aug 2012, 03:38 PM   #4
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Default Re: I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

Yeah, I agree. I see it as being more taken advantage of than anything, especially since she asked to do it multiple times. I wouldn't think too much into it. Just think of it as more of drunken mistake.
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Old 15th Aug 2012, 07:41 PM   #5
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Default Re: I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

It was wrong of her to pressure you into having sex with her (of any kind), especially since you were drunk. Your ability to consent was impaired. The case isn't totally clear, but it could be considered assault. (Morally, I think it was basically assault. Legally I don't know about.)

You feel bad because she didn't care that you didn't want to have sex with her and she coerced you into it while you were drunk. She completely disregarded your feelings, and what you said, and what she knew to be your sexual orientation.

The fact that she was also drinking does not make it okay.

It sounds like in the morning she "forgave" you, as if you were the one who had taken advantage of her. But she pressured you into it. She should be asking your forgiveness, not telling you that "it's okay."
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Old 15th Aug 2012, 08:48 PM   #6
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Default Re: I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

Forgive her. Forgive yourself. And promise yourself you won't get that drunk anymore.

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Old 15th Aug 2012, 08:51 PM   #7
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Default Re: I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

Yeah just forget it. Drunken mistakes can happen to anyone and she knows your gay so I don't see your friendship changing (and it might oddly even bring you closer, sharing a secret that is).
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Old 19th Aug 2012, 03:52 PM   #8
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Default Re: I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

Thanks everyone. I will make this a learning experience and move on.
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Old 20th Aug 2012, 01:17 AM   #9
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Default Re: I got drunk and had oral sex with my straight female friend.

Hey, hope your doing ok

Just to add another perspective, I've had something similar happen to me with a straight female friend, and in the end the friendship didn't last She kept chasing after me and it just made me really uncomfortable - looking back I think I needed to be more vocal and set out clear boundaries. With your case, it might have just been a one off, but if it becomes a regular thing, you may need to think about possible ways to handle the situation.
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