Worried About My Brother...

[Anonymous]

My older brother is 18 years old. He's really depressed, and possibly suicidal. He says it's because of our parents divorce (5-6 years ago), our dad's death (3 years ago), his girlfriend breaking up with him (he liked her since years, then they went out and she broke up with him in like a month), he hates his appearance, he says he has nothing to live for, and plenty other reasons too. I don't know what to do. He's not going to university (apparently because of the economy, and he thought he'd still be with his ex now), and really doesn't want to get a job. He also can't drive yet because he failed his road test. My mom's giving him a really hard time because she doesn't want him sitting around the house all day reading (he wants to be an author) and stuff. But I feel the way she acts around him is making his life worse. And I know he's going to be lonely once his friends leave for college soon. I'm afraid one day he might commit suicide, I don't know if he would or not, but it scares me. All I want is for him to be happy. He goes to a psychologist, but he isn't helping any, and he refuses to take anti-depressants. What can I do?

[Mlpguy88]

Be there for him as much as possible, let him know that you love him and he can always come to you. Having someone that cares about you is very comforting. Maybe you could start spending more time together. But above all assure him that he is not alone and he can always come to you, he is your brother, you two are probably very close.

[Lexington]

Only a few suggestions.

1. Always provide an open and friendly ear. This one is the most critical. Most of the time, when people start complaining, they don't want (or expect) their problems solved. They want them listened to. So listen. Commiserate. Say "yeah, that sucks". Just doing that can be more help than you can imagine.

2. See if you can find out why his therapist isn't helping any. It may be that he's clinically depressed, and actually needs anti-depressants to improve. It may be rhat he's not sharing the information he needs to in order to advance. It may be that the therapist isn't any good.

3. Engage him. Do stuff with him. Money might be tight, but playing an interactive game or a trip to the mall can help perk people up.

4. Let him know you care, and you hope you can help him through this.

Lex

[paul]

Depression is a really serious thing. You really have to get him to talk to medical professional. Fill your mom in on what is going on. If she doesn't know, then fill her in. Your brother may be mad at you for telling her but I would rather have a brother mad at me then to have to bury one.
Best of Luck and your brother and you are in my prayers,
Paul

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by paul

Depression is a really serious thing. You really have to get him to talk to medical professional. Fill your mom in on what is going on. If she doesn't know, then fill her in. Your brother may be mad at you for telling her but I would rather have a brother mad at me then to have to bury one.
Best of Luck and your brother and you are in my prayers,
Paul

She knows. I found out much of this because of arguments between her and my brother. He refuses to do anything, like see a professional, and she isn't helping much. She's trying, but it's not helping. But thank you.

And thanks everyone so far.

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by Lexington

Only a few suggestions.

1. Always provide an open and friendly ear. This one is the most critical. Most of the time, when people start complaining, they don't want (or expect) their problems solved. They want them listened to. So listen. Commiserate. Say "yeah, that sucks". Just doing that can be more help than you can imagine.

2. See if you can find out why his therapist isn't helping any. It may be that he's clinically depressed, and actually needs anti-depressants to improve. It may be rhat he's not sharing the information he needs to in order to advance. It may be that the therapist isn't any good.

3. Engage him. Do stuff with him. Money might be tight, but playing an interactive game or a trip to the mall can help perk people up.

4. Let him know you care, and you hope you can help him through this.

^QFT

And I'll add:
5. If you think he's contemplating suicide, ask him point blank if he's thought about hurting himself. Encourage him to tell someone and get help. If he doesn't get help, then tell your parents.

It's a tough thing to do but depression and suicide are dependent on shame and secrecy. Sometimes when a person is depressed to the point that they are considering self-harm, they may not be thinking clearly enough to get the help they need. To stop the cycle, someone has to end the secrecy and help them get help.