Should I take my chance?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I was dating a girl, I really like her, but then one day she pretty much burned bridges and as far as I'm aware was trying to rekindle things with her ex. As far as I could tell we both had mutual feelings for each other, yada yada yada (will provide more depth if necessary).

Now, things haven't worked out for her, and it looks like she is not interested in her ex now that she ruined her chance.
I still have some feelings for her, but we definitely drifted apart because of the way she suddenly started giving me the cold shoulder. I would like another chance with her, but its too early to tell if there is any spark left in her for me. She's still kinda friendly when we do bump into each other, so at least I know she doesn't hate me or anything lol.

Now, to the point. Due to our lack of contact recently I'm not sure where I stand. I'm not even sure if I should give this another shot. So my question is should I try initiate something? Like a casual get together at some point? Or should I just let this go?

I wouldn't rush into dating or anything, as I know there is a chance I could get hurt again. But I would like to let her know this option exists :P

[Ridiculous]

Well, you've got two options:

1. Give it a shot and try to initiate something. Best case scenario: everything goes well. Worst case: nothing happens.
2. Don't do anything. Best case scenario: nothing happens. Worst case scenario... nothing happens.

There aren't any downsides to at least trying, so that's what I'd encourage. If you don't you'll be forever thinking "what if?"

[Gravity]

It seems like you're already aware of the possible pitfalls of trying to work things out with her, so the question at this point seems to be: what do you think she will add to your life to improve it, and how do you think you can improve her life? Basically, aside from the idea of wanting to be in a relationship with her, what positives do you see coming out of this situation?

If you really want to try to make it work, I would suggest two things. One, give it lots of time of getting to know each other again, and two, give being friends a shot first. If you can't be her friend, then going for the relationship may not be a good idea (for either of you, just to be clear). But that's just me.

All of this is going to have to start, though, with getting in touch with her in some way and expressing an interest to spend time together. Is that something you think can happen without things being too awkward?

[Lance]

If I was in your position, I would not want to get back together with this person. Personally I wouldn't trust a person that likes to play games like that and up and leave for an ex. Also why would she hate you? As far as I know, you didn't do anything. In my opinion, it should be the opposite and you should be the one with the negative feelings towards her. However if you really still have feelings for her, then it's up to you whether or not you want to try and get back together. Like you said, you know there is a chance you could get hurt again.

[Anonymous]

The thing is, I feel like I could add to her life, and considering what I experienced when we were going out stirred up some of the most feelings of happiness I've ever had - I feel like she could add to mine.
I would at least like to strengthen a friendship. I would rather be friendzoned than just be pushed aside and wonder what could happen.

Now, to make things clear, I'm not the easiest person to date at first - and part of me thinks this could of lead to her going back to her ex - I had chances to initiate kissing etc but I just wasn't sure whether it was mutual - she showed the signs, but I was too afraid to act on them. When we were messaging a night quite soon before the drift apart happened I may have hurt her feelings by being stupidly resistant to one of her messages. Now keep in mind I am a more butch lesbian so there is the pressure to be the one to initiate touching etc.

However there were some mixed signs that even I saw.... just her not being sure about things... so yes, another possible negative... but on the other hand, I had my wall up a little too so I can't have made it super easy.

So part of this could be wishful thinking, yes. And if that is the case I'd go on to ask for help on how to get over her - because I'm clearly not. Even though she hurt me there is still feelings there which I can't control.

[Ridiculous]

You're going to be in limbo until you do approach her. To me it seems like you've already decided you're going to, you just want some encouragement to actually do it.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Well I really want too, I'm just mildly afraid to (shyness, scared to look foolish etc). So you're kinda right haha.