Difficulty Fantasizing and Other Issues - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

Anonymous · 17th Aug 2012, 12:36 PM

When I do so, it's hard for me to picture myself with a specific person and it's as though I'm thinking more in the abstract (sort of the idea of doing 'this' or 'that' with another man, rather than doing it with a particular guy) or I seem to only think of stuff I've watched on the internet. Is this common at all?

Also, while I've come to accept myself as, for all intents and purposes, as a gay man lately I worry whether I can or will have a fulfilling emotional and physical relationship with another man, which has caused me to feel more lonely than usual. Realize that I shouldn't rush things but can't help the feelings all the same.

Gen · 17th Aug 2012, 01:35 PM

Many people cannot have vivid fantasies. I am one of those people. I never look at someone and envision us doing something. I can if I really tried, but it doesnt come naturally. I do have have fantasies about guys, they just arent about a specific person. So there isnt anything wrong with that.

The feelings of questioning could possible stay there until you find someone special to which you can prove otherwise. Some people are certain who will satisfy them without even being with them yet, some need more proof. I would say that it is ok to have these thoughts and feelings, as long as you dont let them cloud your relationships. Eventually, some special mister will steal your heart away lol, then you'll know for sure.

So I dont find any of these questions wierd. ^_^

Anonymous · 17th Aug 2012, 04:10 PM

OP:

Well, that's comforting to hear. It just bothered me since I'll see actors, athletes, etc. or guys in public I find very attractive and as much as I would like to, mentally anyway haha, get intimate it's hard to do so.

Hopefully you're right. At this point, I wish I could actually have a full-blown crush on a guy, even if it didn't lead to anything, if just to experience those feelings. I don't know, while I'm not in the "I wish I was straight" line of thinking, and as idiotic as it sounds, sometimes I think I'd feel less lonely if I wasn't gay and wanted with a relationship with another guy so badly.

Thanks for responding, though.

Pinstripe · 17th Aug 2012, 11:23 PM

I don't really know if there's a right way to fantasize. More often than not, my fantasies don't even include myself at all- it's like I'm watching two other people. I think the objective distance lets me fantasize about things I might not necessarily enjoy in real life.

Point is, as far as fantasizing goes, I think you should just do what feels natural.

17th Aug 2012, 12:36 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 51,921 Join Date: Dec 2007	Difficulty Fantasizing and Other Issues When I do so, it's hard for me to picture myself with a specific person and it's as though I'm thinking more in the abstract (sort of the idea of doing 'this' or 'that' with another man, rather than doing it with a particular guy) or I seem to only think of stuff I've watched on the internet. Is this common at all? Also, while I've come to accept myself as, for all intents and purposes, as a gay man lately I worry whether I can or will have a fulfilling emotional and physical relationship with another man, which has caused me to feel more lonely than usual. Realize that I shouldn't rush things but can't help the feelings all the same.

17th Aug 2012, 01:35 PM	#2
Gen The Epitome of Psychotic Brilliance Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: My Closet is Made of Glass ( ._.) Location: California Posts: 1,785 Join Date: May 2012	Re: Difficulty Fantasizing and Other Issues Many people cannot have vivid fantasies. I am one of those people. I never look at someone and envision us doing something. I can if I really tried, but it doesnt come naturally. I do have have fantasies about guys, they just arent about a specific person. So there isnt anything wrong with that. The feelings of questioning could possible stay there until you find someone special to which you can prove otherwise. Some people are certain who will satisfy them without even being with them yet, some need more proof. I would say that it is ok to have these thoughts and feelings, as long as you dont let them cloud your relationships. Eventually, some special mister will steal your heart away lol, then you'll know for sure. So I dont find any of these questions wierd. ^_^ __________________ Confidence Should Never Be Mistaken For Arrogance. Arrogance Is Believing You Are Without Flaw. Confidence Is Accepting That At The End Of The Day, Besides These Flaws, You Are Still Beautiful.

17th Aug 2012, 04:10 PM	#3
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 51,921 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Difficulty Fantasizing and Other Issues OP: Well, that's comforting to hear. It just bothered me since I'll see actors, athletes, etc. or guys in public I find very attractive and as much as I would like to, mentally anyway haha, get intimate it's hard to do so. Hopefully you're right. At this point, I wish I could actually have a full-blown crush on a guy, even if it didn't lead to anything, if just to experience those feelings. I don't know, while I'm not in the "I wish I was straight" line of thinking, and as idiotic as it sounds, sometimes I think I'd feel less lonely if I wasn't gay and wanted with a relationship with another guy so badly. Thanks for responding, though.

17th Aug 2012, 11:23 PM	#4
Pinstripe Well Known Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Immediate family and everyone on facebook Location: CO Age: 25 Posts: 174 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Difficulty Fantasizing and Other Issues I don't really know if there's a right way to fantasize. More often than not, my fantasies don't even include myself at all- it's like I'm watching two other people. I think the objective distance lets me fantasize about things I might not necessarily enjoy in real life. Point is, as far as fantasizing goes, I think you should just do what feels natural.