just want to feel better...

[Anonymous]

First of all I'm a girl. Also lesbian.
well... since the rape issue came up in that thread I started feeling like crap. I just don't think about it cause it makes have panic attacks etc. So I just want to get this shit out of me. When I was 5 to when I was 9 there was that guy living in the house above mine. For this period,those years he would do all those things to me. I don't know if it ended because I was finaly in the age to deffend myself or I just wasn't his type anymore... My parents don't know,the police doesn't know. I just can't tell them. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm afraid that he's hidding there in the shadows. Some very close to me people know. I want to do something about it. I just can't. What if he's doing it to other little girls just because I'm too fkin scared to say something? what about his little daughter who's now the same age I was? I feel so guilty. So ashamed. My hands are shaking. I just want to feel better...

[Gen]

You definitely need to tell your parent. Partially for yourself, and partially for others. You might be able to stop him from hurting other children. Even if you cant, you have to tell your family for your own sanity. You cant keep secrets like this hidden inside, it will(and apparantly is) haunt you. It is a tragedy that you have to endure something as bad as this for so many years. However, it is because of this that you have to realize that it isnt something that can just be forgetten overnight. You cant overcome it to overcome it if you dont face it.

I'm so sorry this happened .

[Nocturnal]

I believe that you should tell somebody about it. I know I would. It would be hard to talk about it & get rid of it & finally do some justice for what the sick man has done.

[Kat kanu]

I'm sorry I kinda know how you feel I'm so sorry this happened to you I wish I could hug you right now that really helped me sorry i don't know what to tell you but I'm here if you ever need me no matter what this I promise to you

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to say something for the past 2 years. I just can't... I'm too fkn selfish. I know.

[Kat kanu]

It is not selfish its fear it took more forever to talk about our first reaction is to shut it out and ignore it when your ready you'll say something you took a step you said something on here because you know we wont judge you we will listen

[Anonymous]

Saw him again

[RainDreamer]

Dear, I know you are afraid, and I know you just want to turn away, and forget everything. But if you do nothing, then nothing will be done, and he will still be out there, be free to do those horrible things. You have to stand up for yourself, and you have to bring what he did to light. We will be behind you. Call the police, now, and tell themyou are in danger.

[Anonymous]

I'm not in danger. He acts like nothing has happend. Which makes me to want to kick him in the balls.

[RainDreamer]

Then do it! Not literally, of course. Just do it first by comming to the police and tell them what he did to you. And once he gets arrested, you can deliever a swift kick of justice to his balls then if you so wish.

Remember though, don't put yourself in a position of danger by trying to do justice by yourself. It is better to get more people to your side first, and parents and police are powerful allies that can help you in everything.

[silverhalo]

If you find it hard to get the words out perhaps you could print out your post from on here and hand it to someone. Or write out what you want to say, im not saying that will make it easy but perhaps slightly easier.

[Ianthe]

Silverhalo is right that you could print out this thread and give it to the people you want to tell. That can work.

But most importantly, you need to get into treatment for the trauma. Have you had any therapy?

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Ianthe

Silverhalo is right that you could print out this thread and give it to the people you want to tell. That can work.

But most importantly, you need to get into treatment for the trauma. Have you had any therapy?

No I haven't. What am I going to say to my parents? I need therapy for what?

[Eleanor Rigby]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

No I haven't. What am I going to say to my parents? I need therapy for what?

You need therapy because you've been through a terrible abuse that left you traumatized, which is more than understandable. You need help to rebuilt yourself and be able to move on from what happened to you. That's not something you'll ever be able to forget, but that's a wound that can heal and that won't prevent you from living your life. But you need help to get there : therapy and support group for victims of sexual abuse can definitely make a huge difference.
It would be also a good thing to tell your parents and if possible the police. I know it's very hard but it's an important step to take for most victims of a rape, to be acknowledged as a victim.
I know it must be very scary. You've been hiding this for a long time. But you can't allow your rapist to still having this grip on your life. Talking would help you to move on.

If you need to talk about it, you're very welcome to PM any advisor you'd feel comfortable with. However, Chip is the one of us who is the most experienced in working with sexual abuse victims. I think it would be a good idea to get in touch with him.

Take good care of yourself, Cécile

[abbey steven]

how sad it is. you were suffered from unpleasant sex in your childhood. first of all what ever you are tell your parents and take them in your confidence. i think we should discuss these thing in open society to stop that kinda crime..
stay blessed in future

[J Snow]

I realize you already have enough people trying to urge you to talk to someone, but I agree with them. Holding major secrets to yourself is not healthy, believe me I know. For your own good, and the good of whomever he may now be abusing, you need to say something.

Based on your post I'm going to assume you are in middle school or high school still. Does your school have a guidance counselor you could speak with? If not at least tell your parents you feel you need counseling about something. If they ask why just tell them you don't feel comforable talking about it quite yet.

You are the victim here, and nobody is going to blame you for what happened. I realize how you must feel about all this, and your reluctance to discuss it, but everyone here is just looking out for your best interests, and your parents will be too.

I hope everything works out for you