nowhere else to ask for advice on this - debt problems contributing to depression

[Anonymous]

so two years ago, everything was good. I mean, I was struggling with depression, but I had a job and financially I was feeling positive and life was in a good place. I never thought I would lose that job, and I bought a computer on credit thinking I could pay it off within a month, but then later that same month I lost my supposedly "secure" job. I should have returned the computer then, but I didn't think I would be unemployed for that long. I thought, if I keep smiling and I hit the pavement and I bring out my awesome resume, I'll be hired in no time.

I rebounded quickly, found employment elsewhere in a small business, but the woman who hired me let me go right before the 3 month mark (so she wouldn't have to give a reason).. when I lost that job, my first thought was that maybe I should just commit suicide because what kind of loser can't even hold down a job and how am I ever going to get anywhere in life at this rate? it hit me way harder than it should have, I guess. I don't know.

anyway, after several more months looking for work, I got hired on temporary for the set up of a store. that should have carried me through from the end of July to November, and helped me to start paying down my debt. but in early September the store was so quiet that they decided to let a large number of us go before the end of the contract we'd signed, in order to have enough hours for the employees that they kept.

so again, I was let go and again, my first thought was that suicide would be better than having to start over and keep trying. I mean, I gave them my BEST, I was always there and I worked hard and I loved my workplace, I put them first and did everything right and I still wasn't good enough to be one of the ones they kept. I ended up being unemployed for almost a full year after that, but found out that there's this government program called Second Career that would allow me to go back to school to be trained in a field that has jobs. So I picked a short program, the quickest route to employment, and went for it.

I'm in the middle of that program right now. A few months ago creditors started calling to "remind" me to pay off the remaining dept on my computer (like I could forget, I've never been in debt before and it's really stressing me out) which now has some keys missing (they fell off and wouldn't go back on) and a lot of wear and tear, so they wouldn't take a return on it now. I explained that I've been unemployed and that I'm on second career now and will be able to pay the debt off completely, likely as early as January since I'm the top in my program and there's a lot of jobs that start at 20$ per hour in my field.

but every time they call, the stress of it feels overwhelming. I'm scared, I don't know what happens or how it works when I really can't pay it back yet... I keep thinking it would be so much easier if I could just give up, I'm not even 25 years old and I'm $1400 in debt and I have no way to pay it off right now, I honestly am barely able to make ends meet. I just don't see how I can ever bounce back from this.

I just came out of the closet this summer and that has helped hugely in combating my ongoing struggle with depression and mental health issues, but not completely. sometimes I just get down and feel so tired, and I can't bear the thought of trudging onwards when all I want to do is be done. and then I start to get better, I think about all the people I'd be hurting and I struggle to keep going and my grades are good and life seems better. and then I get this phone call and I feel like, there's no way I'll ever catch up and I'm just not worth it. if everyone knew how irresponsible I was and what stupid decisions I've made, they would want me to overdose as badly as I want to do it.

anyway, I know this doesn't really have anything to do with being LGBT and if you've read this far I love you for it. I just don't have anywhere else to go with this, I don't belong to any other internet forums and I'm way too ashamed of where I'm at financially to be able to talk to ANYONE IRL about it. every time they call me it's like I can't breath and I start cutting or contemplating suicide again, and since I have come out of the closet, it is the main stress left in my life and I just can't get past it.

anyone else might ask their parents for help, but my dad would shame me to death over it and probably still not help me with it, and my mom is a single mother on welfare with four other kids, she can barely make ends meet and is in debt herself. I'm really scared that everyone is going to find out that I'm in debt, that if I can't find some way to pay this off NOW that everyone will find out and it would be horrible. or that everyone will judge me, and let's face it - I deserve to be judged for this.

does anyone have any advice on how to deal with it? could I sell the computer second hand and give them the money from that, do you think? the sucky part about being on second career is that even if I could find a job, they would automatically deduct almost all earnings from what they are covering for my schooling (which I only have three and a half more months to go). only tips from when I am singing are deduction-free. and maybe a garage sale, but I don't own anything aside from cloths, my mattress, my guitar and my computer.

[starfish]

It sucks right now, but you can get your way out of this. When I was your age I had $13K in credit card debt. I thought I would never get out from under it. I was able to keep my head just above water until I got a good job. It then took me a few years but I paid it off.

You don't say where you are, but I will assume you are in the us. The law limits how they can legally collect debt. First thing to do is to tell them to only contact you by US mail. Use the caller ID on the phone and if you don't recognize the number let it go to voice mail.

Read up on the fair debt collection practices act. There are a couple of good forums for dealing with debt. If you want PM and I can send you the link, or you can google for them.

I'm not sure what you mean by they will deduct all your earnings. Also remember that it is just money and a business deal with some bank. Business deals go wrong all the time. If you can't pay it back, then it sucks to be them. Your credit rating will take a hit, but a $1400 write off is not that big of a deal in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by starfish

I'm not sure what you mean by they will deduct all your earnings.

I think this means that they give him what he needs to live off (bearly) and anything that he earns himself they will just subtract that from the money he gets. So, if I understand this correctly, he will have to earn more money supporting himself than the money that they give him before it's actually worth it. And even then, it's questionable.

Anonymous:

Either that or you COULD moonlight (work a job without them knowing) but thats more of a moral choice and i'm pretty sure the consequences are harsh.

I don't know how it would be where ever you live, but normally if your creditor catches wind that you are bankrupt or unable to pay, all of the debt will be booked as a doubtful claim, which means that they are unsure if they will get all of the debt. That doesn't mean they won't try their luck anyway, though.

Now normally, at least where i'm from, they'll try and avoid sueing you at first, because of all of the court fees and the fact that they will likely not get all of the money back anyway (obviously, because you don't have it). I don't know if this affects your second school project, but this is a deal that most companys won't turn down:

Provided that they aren't in their own financial crisis and need the money now, you can tell them that you're in a tough situation and try to make a reasonable deal with them to extend your deadline to a later date so you can delay your payment. But you should probably be 100 % sure that you will be able to pay your debt off completely by then. But you may have to pay more (interest) If it's kinda long. :-/ Depends on the company.

Alternatively you could try and have them reduce the payment if their in agreement, but i'm really not sure how mainstream and standard that is, I just learned this stuff in commercial school.

And don't be ashamed of the situation, we all screw up and make bad decisions sometimes. It's no need to give up. Here, have a hug!

[rg93]

That last anonymous post was me, btw. thats 2:1 for the anonymous box. xD

[Jim1454]

I certainly would recommend that you read up on debtor protection programs where you live. There might be not-for-profit organizations that could offer you some advice on what your next steps should be. If it's possible to have them contact you by mail that would reduce your stress - and simply not answering your phone would be another good thing.

But PLEASE keep things in perspective. We're talking about $1400. You're a young person - who doesn't come across as being irresponsible at all. You've genuinely tried your best to be employed. But times are tough right now (in the US - assuming that's where you are) and LOTS of people are struggling with their debts. And we're talking about 10s of thousands of dollars - not $1400. You haven't made a series of horrible, stupic choices - so stop beating yourself up! It doesn't do you any good anyway.

You're taking steps now to improve your situation by going back to school. That's awesome - and semething to be very proud of. Once you're working, $1400 is going to be a drop in the bucket.

I'd say borrow the money from your dad, but he probably is a jerk if your mom is stuggling to get by with 4 kids. Shouldn't he be paying child support?!?!

[Anonymous]

OP here

I'm a girl and I live in Canada. I looked up some links about what rights I have when dealing with creditors/collection agencies and I actually feel way better. I'm still really stressed, I hate owing money for anything and $1400 feels like a LOT to me, but I guess I have to remember that at this point there is very little - basically nothing I can do - aside from working hard at school and making sure that I am hired on somewhere as soon as I graduate.

my dad is not to blame for my mother's situation, the kids all have different dads. but if I were to ask my dad for help, I would hear about how things aren't easy for him either and he would lecture me about how I should be ashamed and I'm an adult now and shouldn't need him to help, and he would refuse. I know this because it is how he has always been, and I don't see a point in asking him for help... he would help my brother without complaint, but I'm not supposed to ever need help with things.

and Second Career is awesome, I really can't complain - they cover books, tuition, and rent, and give me a small amount towards food as well - but if I were to find work, they would deduct over 50% of whatever I make and if I got more than 10 hours weekly they would consider me employed and immediately stop funding the remainder of my education.

I'm so close, by mid-December I'll be graduated and able to work at a good job. It is just stressful beyond belief and makes me feel like crap whenever I have to talk to them on the phone. I already struggle with mental health, have my whole life, but the stress of owing money and not being able to pay is making everything ten times worse. but now I know that I don't actually have to keep talking to them and that I still have rights when I'm dealing with them, even though I do owe them money. it's also comforting to know that other people have managed to be okay after having debt issues, but I still feel horrible. I guess the lesson is, aside from food and shelter, if it's something I can't afford yet then it's something I don't need yet. And maybe I'm also learning how to not let something I can't control or fix right now completely destroy my mental health.

[Lexington]

I left college with a large debt load - I'm going to guess $20,000, but it may have been more. And I chose a job where I started at about $7 an hour. And it didn't exactly go up by leaps and bounds.

One of my student loans was structured strangely. Instead of a monthly payment, they had me pay $300 every quarter. When I started in my chosen field, I contacted them to see if there was any way I could get a deferment or a reduction in the amount I was paying for the time being. Their first suggestion - changing it so I paid $150 every month. Those of you with good math skills will immediately see this as a 50% INCREASE on what I had been paying before. This was their suggestion on how to make things easier for me. I told them that money was REALLY tight - I was eating crackers or popcorn for dinner every night - so I was going to need something other than that. They agreed to a deferment for a year.

Apparently, I didn't know what a "deferment" meant. I thought it meant after a year, I'd pick up paying where I had been, and probably owe extra money in interest. Nope, they wanted that entire year's worth of money - $1200 - NOW. I told them, not surprisingly, that I didn't have it, although I was now making enough money that I could start paying them $100 a month again. They basically told me they'd be reporting me as delinquent from here on out until that money was paid back...oh, and I owed that $300 a quarter again.

I ended up paying them $150 or so each month, until I paid it all down. And they reported me as delinquent the entire time. But as it ends up, nothing came of it. It apparently was duly reported on my credit report, but other companies basically told me it was no big deal since I was making payments on it. So it really didn't hurt me at all.

Hopefully, you'll be able to emerge from this relative unscathed, too.

Lex