Straight girls and physical intimacy with friends - confused

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone!

I was just wondering how 'touchy' straight girls can get and still be straight (hugs, holding hands, pecks ect...).

I'm just wondering because years ago I had a supposedly straight friend who knew that I was attracted to her that would hold my hands and like stroke it, cuddle with me and share way too much information about how to turn her on... yet she'd immediately back off when people would suggest that the way we held hand and our physical proximity made us look like we were in a relationship or if I suggested anything. Once she made me so confused because she tried kissing me at a bar to get guys attention and she got mad when I didn't kiss her back - because I don't appreciate getting played.

I guess I'm also asking because I'm closeted at the moment and don't have much experience with having girls as friends so I always feel uncomfortable even giving hugs.

[Anonymous]

Remember that just because someone identifies as "straight" doesn't mean they aren't attracted to women. Sexuality is a very complex thing. Many of my so called "straight" friends have more sexual experience with women than I do for example... "Straight" could just mean "i'm not interested in having a committed relationship with women". the rest depends on the person.

[myheartincheck]

Yeah women get away with things like that all the time!

My best friend knew I was attracted to girls and had a feeling I liked her before I even said anything, but she would cuddle with me in bed at night and.... well... (in my defense I hadn't known cuddling could turn me on until I pulled this...) I would kinda... grind against her when cuddling and she would respond by pressing more against me...

It was really weird because we were inseparable and always flirting and stuff but she was still straight as an arrow...

[Flyalone45]

i hate when straight girls do that shit......it just brings more confusion and torture to me.
they obviously dont know , if they do that to a girl who's not straight and might have feelings for them , your playing with there heart.....

but no , no.....its only physical....who cares if its physical?
i do....if you stroke my hand , hold my hand , cuddle with me....when you know i like girls.....your being stupid.

i understand , if your curious or something but if you dont like girls and just guys....
dont do that shit

[Nyanko]

One of my friends that I came out to got a little bit more clingy than I would've liked after I told her. She wants me to always go over to her house to meet her mom and sleepover, she rests her head on my shoulder and plays with my hands when she gets the chance.

I get that she might feel a little closer since I shared something like that with her, but not only is it sending weird signals, it's uncomfortable since she does have a boyfriend she gushes about all the time.

[Anonymous]

They are touchy but you can tell the difference.

With that hand holding IMO she wanted to f*ck you. But would have DEVASTATED if anyone knew.

So...don't make time for those girls lol. My old bestie wasn't ashamed of getting feely with me in public but she was conflicted about how far she wanted to go, she didnt know what she wanted.

[Queen]

Originally Posted by Flyalone45

i hate when straight girls do that shit......it just brings more confusion and torture to me.
they obviously dont know , if they do that to a girl who's not straight and might have feelings for them , your playing with there heart.....

but no , no.....its only physical....who cares if its physical?
i do....if you stroke my hand , hold my hand , cuddle with me....when you know i like girls.....your being stupid.

i understand , if your curious or something but if you dont like girls and just guys....
dont do that shit

They know. It's why they do it. There's no such thing as a straight woman, just degrees of commitment.

[FemCasanova]

Well, it depends a bit, I guess.

Considering my friend knows I am a lesbian, and I know I am a lesbian, I guess I keep a tighter leash on the physical intimacy with her, than say for example some chick I meet at a bar (when I still were single). But that is simply to keep her friend-zoned easier. Casual touching can be very non-sexual, if it`s your brother or sister. There I hug, grab arms, stroke hands, etc, because that`s natural. I mean, there`s no danger that I could suddenly become attracted to my sister However, if it is an attractive female friend, if the casual touching becomes to regular, sexual attraction has a way of sneaking up on you. So, when they are in my female friend box, I don`t stroke their hands, I don`t play with their hair, I don`t massage their backs or stomachs or whatever, because the slippery slope to confusion can be there regardless if it`s an old friend. And I already made the mistake of falling for a friend once, so I am very careful to not let it happen again.

As a result, my female friends can roam around in my apartment in their underwear, and I don`t even notice.

As far as I am concerned, hugging is fine, even prolonged hugging. Clapping their shoulder, giving a high five, all those things are fine. But playing with hair, stroking hands, doing pecks? Not so much if you want to ensure that they stay in the right mental box. And if she is doing the petting, the stroking and the playing, then my alarm bells would ring a little, because I have experienced being on that side as well, and it didn`t work out. I did have a friend who developed feelings for me, that I had to reject. Not because she wasn`t attractive, but because I had already lost a friend due to me falling for that friend, and I really did not want to lose another. She did the same things, casual touching, wanting to make out when having drunk alcohol, all that stuff. I didn`t want to be in a relationship with her, because we didn`t fit, personality-wise, some people are great as friends, but should really stay that way.

But then again, maybe I am just weird