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Old 13th Jan 2015, 03:35 PM   #1
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bi erasure

I live in a society where its not easy to be bi. Nobody likes them straight people and some gay people even more. Sexologists claim that bisexuality isnt real and everybody believe them.
What would you do if feeling bi and there was nobody like you around?
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Old 14th Jan 2015, 04:38 AM   #2
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Re: bi erasure

I totally understand how you're feeling! I feel the same way sometimes. I have one friend who is bi, but we don't talk much anymore and she's been with mostly guys and talks mostly about guys. So I don't really have anyone really, except my boyfriend, who I can talk to about it. And my work kinda sucks with LGBT sensitivity too. i've heard so many of my coworkers say bad stuff about LGBT people, so I don't really have anyone I can talk to or come out to there. Obe person at work knows I'm bi, but we like never talk about it, even though he's gay himself. I feel like I'm alone, like there aren't enough gay, bi, or trans people around me or in my life. Like I feel isolated. And it's even worse knowing that I don't really know any bi people, cuz I could connect with them best. And I've heard people say stuff about how being bi isn't a "real" thing too. I've even heard at least one coworker say something like that. So I can totally understand how you feel! And it's understandable to feel isolated and like you're the onky one. But those people that talk crap on us don't know what they're talking about, because we do exist. Obviously. Lol. If you ever need anyone to talk to about stuff like this, you can definitely message me! ^_^
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Old 14th Jan 2015, 07:33 AM   #3
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Re: bi erasure

thanks for support
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Old 14th Jan 2015, 10:10 PM   #4
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Re: bi erasure

You're welcome! I know how it feels to feel alone and it really sucks. So if I can give someone support and help them to feel less alone, I'll do it. It's not a problem ^_^
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Old 14th Jan 2015, 10:33 PM   #5
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Re: bi erasure

Unfortunately, in places where people don't even believe you exist, you end up being invisible and try to fit in with other groups. Bisexuality does exist! As you probably know. It has been verified in measurable forms in a scientific manner, in both men and women. So for those sexologists, they may need to catch up because they are falling behind with science.
If you are bisexual in a society where nobody believes you exist, I would prove them wrong! Many bisexuals end up hidden in the straight or gay world, especially when in relationships. Please don't do that, we need visibility. The more visibility, the more it would be harder for people to deny us.
Also, to the bi haters, be it whether they are straight or gay, try explaining to them how the stereotypes are not all true. For instance, straight and gay people may reject bisexuals because they think they will be unfaithful. Explain to them an example like 'if someone is attracted to both blondes and brunettes, but has a blonde partner, that doesn't mean they will cheat on their blonde partner. You could use being attracted to more than one race or height as other examples. Gender is just another one of them.

Last edited by Scifiguy338; 14th Jan 2015 at 10:38 PM..
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Old 14th Jan 2015, 10:45 PM   #6
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Re: bi erasure

even in societies that are relatively open to gays, bi's can have a tough go of it. people don't always understand, and aren't always interested in finding out more. but you have to be true to yourself, and find those people who are kindred spirits or allies. they're out there, maybe hard to find but it's definitely worth the effort.
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 12:46 AM   #7
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Re: bi erasure

Bisexual is erased a lot in society even some bisexuals even erase bisexuality as well .
It's a huge problem because every group erases bisexuality .
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 09:17 AM   #8
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Re: bi erasure

I agree with the last poster that even bisexuals erase their own sexuality because they are ashamed and want to fit in with a specific community. It also has to do with biphobia in both communities. However, you are not alone; I am a lesbian who has dated four bi girls and it worked out fine. We just need a more supportive community.
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 09:40 AM   #9
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Re: bi erasure

My Mum says bisexuals don't exist. It makes me sad.

Also my second cousin said that bisexuals are ok but pansexuals are greedy. What?
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 09:53 AM   #10
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Re: bi erasure

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My Mum says bisexuals don't exist. It makes me sad.
sooooo... what does your mom call people who are sexually attracted to both men and women?
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 06:55 PM   #11
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Re: bi erasure

I've experienced way more hate and denial of who I am from gay/lesbian people than I ever have from straight people. Consistently, and in large numbers. I have almost never been treated with respect, love, or acceptance by any homosexual person in regards to my bisexuality, and yet have been treated with respect, love, and acceptance by about 50% of the heterosexual people I know. Also, I don't encounter straight people going out of their way to campaign against who I am or make claims that I don't exist in the media too much, but around gay people, I see people wear offensive t-shirts, nearly every gay show has an offensive bi character and harsh things said about them by other characters, and even at Pride I see lots of banners and signs and things against bi people.

When I come here to E-C to feel supported, I see many many comments and threads against bi people, spreading ignorance and hate about who I am with ideas about it that are completely unfounded and not at all like my identity or experience of bisexuality. People love to pile on and agree, adding their personal experience that they somehow think amounts to proof, when really it is just proof of their poor judgment in the type of people they hang out with or sleep with. When I have looked for support in videos on utube, I have seen a lot of videos posted by gay people that turn out to be hate for who I am.

It is almost impossible to find support or realistic positive images of bi people anywhere.

If I am honest about how I was born in an online dating site, no gay person will date me. I get far more responses when I select the 'Homosexual' choice than "Bisexual," except for disrespectful couples who want to use you for group sex and then throw you away. If I am honest about being bisexual in a homosexual group activity, like a Meetup, I am shunned - people suddenly treat me like I shouldn't be there, say I'm not really gay, or act like they don't trust me as a person because inherently I'm a liar or a cheater or something. Yet some of them are those things in their same sex relationships, and I have never been those things in my whole life.

It almost makes me hate gay people sometimes because so many of them are so mean and seem almost like they want to push me toward committing suicide because I was born being attracted to both sexes. But I don't hate a blanket group of people, because I'm not that kind of person and know better. And I also know I'm a good person and think that in some way, the more people on the planet that you find beauty in, the more positive of a person you are! I am bisexual, monogamous, honest, loyal, a great friend, disease-free, very selective of who I sleep with, and have slept with very few people in my life - and I DO exist! And so do a lot of other people like me. But I can talk to gay people about my truth until I'm blue in the face and it seems like most of them just aren't listening.
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 07:02 PM   #12
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Re: bi erasure

I think bisexuals need to make their own community where they can feel safe and feel good about themselves .
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 07:15 PM   #13
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Re: bi erasure

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I think bisexuals need to make their own community where they can feel safe and feel good about themselves .
What a shame that we have to and can't be safe among the LGT community.
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 08:07 PM   #14
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Re: bi erasure

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I think bisexuals need to make their own community where they can feel safe and feel good about themselves .
What a shame that we have to and can't be safe among the LGT community.
That's if your assuming all LGT are biphobic
But what I'm trying to say is maybe the bisexuality should work on fighting against bi erasure instead of expecting everyone else to do it .
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 10:36 PM   #15
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Re: bi erasure

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What a shame that we have to and can't be safe among the LGT community.
That's if your assuming all LGT are biphobic
But what I'm trying to say is maybe the bisexuality should work on fighting against bi erasure instead of expecting everyone else to do it .
Who says we're not? That seems pretty offensive to say we're expecting everyone else to do it... I don't know anyone bi who just sits back and expects other people to fight for them. But I do know a lot of bi people who speak up and get slapped back down immediately by homosexual people - kind of like what it sounds like is happening in this comment. Why blame people for their victimization? Is that what is acceptable for society to say to gay people when faced with discrimination and cruelty? - "You need to fix your own problem and stop expecting everyone else to fight for you"? I'm pretty sure ending discrimination and oppression for ANYONE has to be a group effort with booth the majority and minority people involved.

I felt that that was a very vicious comment, making a generalization about all bi people that is incorrect and also hurtful.
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Old 15th Jan 2015, 11:49 PM   #16
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Re: bi erasure

Sometimes it's (for some unknown reason) too hard to explain the concept of bisexuality to those who are ignorant.

I personally have never experienced someone from the LGBT community bashing on bisexuals, considering that'd be INCREDIBLY hypocritical of them. The only sort of biphobia I've experienced is due to the stigma behind it, the stereotype of edgy teenagers being overly invested in letting everyone know that they're bisexual and that they're different from everyone else.

No, I am not saying every bisexual is like this. I'm actually meaning a minority in a community has put a bad label on bisexuality, this is actually very similar to the furry and brony community.
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Old 16th Jan 2015, 05:18 AM   #17
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Re: bi erasure

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I've experienced way more hate and denial of who I am from gay/lesbian people than I ever have from straight people. Consistently, and in large numbers. I have almost never been treated with respect, love, or acceptance by any homosexual person in regards to my bisexuality, and yet have been treated with respect, love, and acceptance by about 50% of the heterosexual people I know. Also, I don't encounter straight people going out of their way to campaign against who I am or make claims that I don't exist in the media too much, but around gay people, I see people wear offensive t-shirts, nearly every gay show has an offensive bi character and harsh things said about them by other characters, and even at Pride I see lots of banners and signs and things against bi people.

When I come here to E-C to feel supported, I see many many comments and threads against bi people, spreading ignorance and hate about who I am with ideas about it that are completely unfounded and not at all like my identity or experience of bisexuality. People love to pile on and agree, adding their personal experience that they somehow think amounts to proof, when really it is just proof of their poor judgment in the type of people they hang out with or sleep with. When I have looked for support in videos on utube, I have seen a lot of videos posted by gay people that turn out to be hate for who I am.

It is almost impossible to find support or realistic positive images of bi people anywhere.

If I am honest about how I was born in an online dating site, no gay person will date me. I get far more responses when I select the 'Homosexual' choice than "Bisexual," except for disrespectful couples who want to use you for group sex and then throw you away. If I am honest about being bisexual in a homosexual group activity, like a Meetup, I am shunned - people suddenly treat me like I shouldn't be there, say I'm not really gay, or act like they don't trust me as a person because inherently I'm a liar or a cheater or something. Yet some of them are those things in their same sex relationships, and I have never been those things in my whole life.

It almost makes me hate gay people sometimes because so many of them are so mean and seem almost like they want to push me toward committing suicide because I was born being attracted to both sexes. But I don't hate a blanket group of people, because I'm not that kind of person and know better. And I also know I'm a good person and think that in some way, the more people on the planet that you find beauty in, the more positive of a person you are! I am bisexual, monogamous, honest, loyal, a great friend, disease-free, very selective of who I sleep with, and have slept with very few people in my life - and I DO exist! And so do a lot of other people like me. But I can talk to gay people about my truth until I'm blue in the face and it seems like most of them just aren't listening.
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Old 16th Jan 2015, 06:29 AM   #18
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Re: bi erasure

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Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
I've experienced way more hate and denial of who I am from gay/lesbian people than I ever have from straight people. Consistently, and in large numbers. I have almost never been treated with respect, love, or acceptance by any homosexual person in regards to my bisexuality, and yet have been treated with respect, love, and acceptance by about 50% of the heterosexual people I know. Also, I don't encounter straight people going out of their way to campaign against who I am or make claims that I don't exist in the media too much, but around gay people, I see people wear offensive t-shirts, nearly every gay show has an offensive bi character and harsh things said about them by other characters, and even at Pride I see lots of banners and signs and things against bi people.

When I come here to E-C to feel supported, I see many many comments and threads against bi people, spreading ignorance and hate about who I am with ideas about it that are completely unfounded and not at all like my identity or experience of bisexuality. People love to pile on and agree, adding their personal experience that they somehow think amounts to proof, when really it is just proof of their poor judgment in the type of people they hang out with or sleep with. When I have looked for support in videos on utube, I have seen a lot of videos posted by gay people that turn out to be hate for who I am.

It is almost impossible to find support or realistic positive images of bi people anywhere.

If I am honest about how I was born in an online dating site, no gay person will date me. I get far more responses when I select the 'Homosexual' choice than "Bisexual," except for disrespectful couples who want to use you for group sex and then throw you away. If I am honest about being bisexual in a homosexual group activity, like a Meetup, I am shunned - people suddenly treat me like I shouldn't be there, say I'm not really gay, or act like they don't trust me as a person because inherently I'm a liar or a cheater or something. Yet some of them are those things in their same sex relationships, and I have never been those things in my whole life.

It almost makes me hate gay people sometimes because so many of them are so mean and seem almost like they want to push me toward committing suicide because I was born being attracted to both sexes. But I don't hate a blanket group of people, because I'm not that kind of person and know better. And I also know I'm a good person and think that in some way, the more people on the planet that you find beauty in, the more positive of a person you are! I am bisexual, monogamous, honest, loyal, a great friend, disease-free, very selective of who I sleep with, and have slept with very few people in my life - and I DO exist! And so do a lot of other people like me. But I can talk to gay people about my truth until I'm blue in the face and it seems like most of them just aren't listening.
I've faced a lot of heavy criticism in regards to polyamory in a similar manner to the point where I just refused to acknowledge it in me anymore (didn't work and it tore me up inside) and in my experience, most of the negativity originated from fears and insecurities and in some cases, a total lack of comprehension.

People don't understand how loving more than one person is possible. People don't understand that's it's possible to individually love people as unique beings and therefore love different people without that love impinging on love for another.

People are scared that they aren't special enough to warrant my full attention and commitment. People are scared that polyamory is just a cop-out to whore around or be a slut. People are scared about risk. People are scared that I will suddenly stop loving them if someone comes into the picture.

In a similar way regarding the manifestations of fears and insecurities and the projection thereof, perhaps bisexuality also triggers similar reactions (it seems like it but I don't want to assume).

Fear of lack of faithfulness, thoughts of bisexuality being some kind of cop-out in lieu of just being gay, inability to comprehend that loving both/all sexes is possible, etc.

For what it's worth, bisexuality is just as real to me as polyamory is and I am sorry that you (and others) have faced that sort of non-inclusive to downright hostile attitude.

It's really really sad that people would rather knee-jerk react and discount something good and positive and slap on negative labels than actually trust a person who's living it and trying their best to be open in explaining it.

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Old 16th Jan 2015, 08:46 AM   #19
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Re: bi erasure

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That's if your assuming all LGT are biphobic
But what I'm trying to say is maybe the bisexuality should work on fighting against bi erasure instead of expecting everyone else to do it .
Who says we're not? That seems pretty offensive to say we're expecting everyone else to do it... I don't know anyone bi who just sits back and expects other people to fight for them. But I do know a lot of bi people who speak up and get slapped back down immediately by homosexual people - kind of like what it sounds like is happening in this comment. Why blame people for their victimization? Is that what is acceptable for society to say to gay people when faced with discrimination and cruelty? - "You need to fix your own problem and stop expecting everyone else to fight for you"? I'm pretty sure ending discrimination and oppression for ANYONE has to be a group effort with booth the majority and minority people involved.

I felt that that was a very vicious comment, making a generalization about all bi people that is incorrect and also hurtful.
I wasn't talking about all bisexuals there are some that stand up to biphobia but not many , their is strength in numbers . Plus if there were more out bisexuals then you would combat bi eraser but many choose to identify as gay or straight because of fear .I also don't see.many bi activist demanding respect. There also are many safe places for bisexual people . You need to group together.
Also when I here bisexual complaints about eraser which I think there right to do so. I see them turn around and do bi eraser themselves sometimes they even defend it depending on the situation and that's very shocking. I'm sorry if I sound hurtful ,but I think bisexuals need to fight more for respect in real life l than just online . Have a march or something . Do something about bisexual awareness something. Hell even the trans people are starting to do something and they are in the same boat as bisexuals.
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Old 16th Jan 2015, 11:02 AM   #20
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Re: bi erasure

I have never heard a credible sexologist say that bisexuality doesn't exist. Unlike many of the consensus-based orientations, for which there's little to no evidence or research supporting them, bisexuality has been studied for decades, is clearly understood by most everyone.

I have heard ignorant gay people get annoyed with people who claim to be bisexual, and while I can understand where they are coming from -- many people use the "bi" label as a "bridge" while they are coming to self-acceptance -- there are, in fact, a pretty significant portion of the population that identify as bisexual.

Also, this is a pet peeve of mine, but the term "erasure" is, at least to me, an overly emotional, inflammatory and dramatic term. "Erasure" brings up feelings of things like Nazi extermination in my mind. I hear it used a lot by people who don't feel their [whatever] is understood.

There's a huge difference between someone offering their opinion saying "I don't believe that bisexuality exists" and it actually being erased from society. People are a lot more likely to get others to accept their viewpoints if they avoid the emotionally-loaded language and instead discuss it
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