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Anonymous Sexual and Romantic Orientation If you are unsure of your sexuality, post here for support and advice. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

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Old 3rd Jan 2017, 03:12 PM   #1
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Sexuality confusion

Hello everyone it's just another teen confused about her sexuality. I'm 17 and I'm stressed about whether I'm bisexual or a lesbian. I'm really worried about this and I'm just looking for some insight and advice, if anyone has gone through a similar thing. I have a lot of self doubt about my orientation and it stresses me out so much. The thing I would like most is to be happy with my sexuality, whatever it is, but I can't seem to settle on one no matter how hard I try to accept it.

I have had crushes on both sexes - with boy crushes, I knew what they were at the time and enjoyed them. I didn't have to think about them, they just happened. With girl crushes, I didn't know what they were and like many other women I assumed they were admiration. When I had my boy crushes, I was so excited by seeing them and couldn't stop thinking about them, often obsessively. I found them very attractive, I'd love to look at their faces and just inspect them. I would notice the little things about them, like the way they walked and loved hearing their voices. I craved their attention. I was always on the look out for them and hoping I would see them. I liked being near to them, but I never experienced anything other than fantasy with these boys. At the time, I know I wanted to kiss them and thought about losing my virginity to them. This is why I never thought I could be a lesbian, but maybe I was wrong!

Nowadays, I feel more drawn to women. My girl crushes back then existed but were buried a little as I had little knowledge of LGBT couples so had nothing to put these feelings to. My first hint that I liked girls was that I stumbled across lesbian porn and got very turned on by it when I was about 7 or 8. I found their bodies sexually attractive, but I thought it was just a fluke. Along with this, I found one of my good friends at school very beautiful, one of the prettiest girls I knew and really wanted to be her friend. I described her hair as 'angel hair' and thought I admired her. But looking back I know this was a crush, and may have experienced similar inklings of feelings towards other girls too. They were less prominent, and I didn't have the obsessive thoughts and fantasies about them. They felt different.

I form deeper emotional connections with girls - I can talk to my friends and my mum about everything. Most of my friends are girls - I have male friends, but I don't feel quite as comfortable around them yet. I'm not sure if this is because I'm a girl or if I'm gay. I still get turned on by girls a lot; however with boys, at the time I viewed the lesbian porn, I didn't view boys sexually only romantically. However, nowadays I do find boy's bodies arousing. It's just strange, because I've had this anxiety around males for a long time and wasn't turned on by them until recently.

This is my basic, basic story. There is so much more to my story that I can't share on here because it's too personal and would take a long time to write and I would forget things anyway. I've hesitated talking about masturbation, because to me that's really private but maybe if you knew about that it would help. My first fantasies when I would masturbate were to women. Then they were to men and women. Sometimes I would only fantasise about women, and sometimes only men. Both are very arousing. For some reason I couldn't masturbate to men for a long time, I don't know why! This is a doubt that I have.

If there are any lesbians that could help me, that would be so helpful! How do you feel about men? If you've experienced things with men, like crushes, how did they make you feel? Is there any advice you could give me on how to know if you genuinely like boys, or even though they felt happy at the time your crushes were due to external forces? This something I'm struggling with a lot at the moment. I'd love to date a girl and am out to my parents and some friends, but would love to hear other's experiences and advice. Thank you.
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Old 3rd Jan 2017, 03:21 PM   #2
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Re: Sexuality confusion

Hello friend! Thanks for trusting us to help you. It seems to me that you're bisexual. You like both genders, get turned on by them. But there is a thing called "romantic orientation" which is who you crave to like. You could be homoromantic because you stated that you look at females and want to be with them for an emotions connection. Those are just my two cents.
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Old 3rd Jan 2017, 03:22 PM   #3
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Re: Sexuality confusion

I feel like my mind is really complex - I've read a lot of information that has made me thing I'm a lesbian. Yet there has been some things to make me think I'm bisexual. Sometimes I wonder why would I be wondering if I'm a lesbian if I'm bisexual? The best thing would be to hear about other's experiences!!
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Old 3rd Jan 2017, 05:17 PM   #4
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Re: Sexuality confusion

I can relate a lot!
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Old 4th Jan 2017, 12:05 PM   #5
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Re: Sexuality confusion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
I'd love to date a girl...
So you're not totally straight. And yet you also seem to be clearly not totally gay. (Talking about your masturbation fantasies was completely appropriate in this setting, BTW. Conventional wisdom has it that these are more telling than porn preferences.)

Now, I'm just a guy who has many female friends both gay and straight, but it really sound to me like you are a right down the middle bisexual. Maybe the way we all should be, if we were to truly realize our potential to love.

Knowing this won't help as much as you'd like it to, alas. Because there are still all those other people to interact with, who want you to fit into their categories.

In the short term... yes date a girl. I can tell you from experience that girls are awesome.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 08:57 AM   #6
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Re: Sexuality confusion

It sounds to me like you're bisexual, but it doesn't really matter.

Ignore the labels, just start finding people and see how you feel romantically and sexually when you're with them. Maybe you'll find out you prefer one to the other, or maybe you'll find that you enjoy them in different ways.

But you have the whole of your life to work it out, and just remember to enjoy the journey and don't stress about the destination!
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