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Anonymous Sexual and Romantic Orientation If you are unsure of your sexuality, post here for support and advice. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

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Old 12th Jan 2017, 12:24 AM   #1
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abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

I identify as a bisexual female, though unlike many LGBT folks, I don't think that there were any glaring signs that I liked girls until high school. When I was a kid, I only imagined myself marrying a man and being with men, though now I think otherwise. Is this sort of change of mentality normal? Did any of you "assume" you were straight when you were younger and then decide that your sexual orientation is different than you originally thought it was?
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Old 12th Jan 2017, 01:13 AM   #2
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Re: abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

Oh my word, yes!

Growing up, I pictured myself the typical "straight" life, white picket fence scene. It wasn't till high school where I further explored my feelings and realized that I'm actually into women too, and needless to say, my typical idea of marriage has somewhat changed. I still picture myself marrying a man though, but dating is sort of a "free for all" scenario in my head. You're not abnormal. On the contrary. Just enjoy your attractions for what they are and screw the haters
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Old 12th Jan 2017, 10:06 AM   #3
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Re: abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

I assumed I was straight and imagined being with men when I was younger. I didn't know back then that I could be with women, so it was me desiring love and imagining it with the gender I was told I was supposed to like. Then I realized that I could like women, and how great the idea of being with women sounded, and how wrong it felt when I actually tried to be with a man. I think the majority of people who aren't straight assumed they were straight at first, because being straight is the norm.
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Old 12th Jan 2017, 10:16 AM   #4
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Re: abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

It's normal. I had "crushes" on boys growing up and only imagined being with a boy. But they were all super girly anime characters and I still rejected the roles of hetero relationships. Oh, how I should have seen that as a clue.
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Old 12th Jan 2017, 10:32 AM   #5
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Re: abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

We are living in a mostly heteronormative culture. It was even more so when I was your age. Of course you assumed you were straight, and most people assume you are straight including your family.

Movies, television, media, books, magazines, billboards, pop culture, families, schools, businesses, churches - all re-enforce the assumption that you're straight. It's a big part of the struggle of the LGBT community in coming to terms with our non-straight sexualities and genders.

YOU ARE NORMAL! Don't forget that, and never let anyone convince you that you are in any way abnormal.

Take care.
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Old 12th Jan 2017, 12:53 PM   #6
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Re: abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

I literally had no clue I might be gay until college. Looking back, there were vague suggestions that I probably could've picked up on, but I just assumed I was straight. Apparently my sex drive was high enough that sex with females didn't seem that weird to me.

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Old 12th Jan 2017, 01:59 PM   #7
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Re: abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

I think when I was younger I was very boyish in how I dressed etc, I think I even wanted to be a boy back then but now I'm happy being a woman and I'd look up to older women but I was too young then to understand anything then. then through high school I liked guys but was always intrigued about what it would be like to kiss a girl, when I finally got asked it was really hot and I could have kissed her forever, I've since fantasised about women i know and a female celebrity but I find male celebrities attractive too and I've always dated guys . Someone in my family even put a bet on that I would come out as gay, and others in my family want me in a straight relationship... but I don't get what I want - I need to be alone to work through it , it's not fair on the guy ... I just don't know how to say no nicely. ...
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Old 13th Jan 2017, 12:21 AM   #8
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Re: abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
Did any of you "assume" you were straight when you were younger and then decide that your sexual orientation is different than you originally thought it was?
Yes. My attraction towards the opposite gender made me assume I was straight, and so I never once bothered to look into the obvious sexual attraction that I felt towards the same gender. I think I just assumed all straight people felt the same way I did, even if that clearly contradicted with the definition of heterosexuality. As a result I always imagined that I would end up in a conventional male-female relationship etc. Now, however, things have changed.
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Old 15th Jan 2017, 05:36 AM   #9
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Re: abnormal way of realizing sexuality?

Absolutely. I had posters of "hot" male celebrities on my wall, would "check out" guys and really, truly believed I was straight when I was a teenager. I dated one or two guys, but never even kissed them. I would keep a distance because I thought I just really didn't like them once we started seeing each other. I assumed I just hadn't found the right guy, even into my 20s. I'm 28 now and only fully realized/accepted the fact that I'm gay five months ago.

I'm mad at myself for taking so long -- the signs were there and it seems so obvious now. I wish I was one of those people who knew they were gay from the time they were 12. But, even now, I can look at a guy and find him physically attractive. I just can't imagine kissing or having sex with him. That may be part of the the reason why I was so sure I was straight for so long-- the aesthetic attraction I have towards men.

I think societal norms play a big role as well. Basically, you aren't alone!
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