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Old 8th Mar 2014, 08:16 AM   #1
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Shit I think I might have ruined a friendship

Basically I've had a lot of stuff on my mind recently and it's made me short tempered and finally last night I may have over reacted to a situation that was completely innocent... but since I felt that it was what I had been thinking about which made me short tempered, I tried to explain this to my friend. I said the following:
"First off I want to say that I wouldnít feel the need to tell you if this hadnít been eating away at me to the point where Iím slightly scared about what I would do, so Iím telling you just so itís out in the open. Keeping I have some history with him...

"Just remember Iím not good at explaining stuff, also sorry if I repeat myself.

I should start with when I asked you out - donít worry Iím not going to do that again. But I admit when I did I had two motives; firstly I really did want to go out with you it obviously it kinda stung when you said Ďnoí but obviously if Iím not the right person for you thatís fine. However my second motive was that if you said no, Iíd finally be able to get over you romanticallyÖ but that hasnít worked, I still really like you and itís because I knew that it hadnít worked when you said no that I cut myself; because even after you said no, I still canít get over you. Even after almost a monthÖ After because of that Iíve started to resent myself for two reasons: I canít get over you, my best friend even though I knew (or at least I thought) that it would probably affect our friendship.

However also because Ė as I canít get over you- I donít think I will ever love anyone else, so Iíve become (for lack of a better word) depressed and not only that but Iíve become angry at myself and (as you saw last night) my temper has been getting shorter. Hence why I said ďhumans are such weak things arenít they?Ē that day when I showed you that cut. (However just in case you do, it was not your fault. It was only my weaknesses I was the only one at fault.)

Although itís not only the fact that you said no. It was also because I got hopes up. (I donít like bringing this up but I need to explain properly). I was hoping things would return to how they were back last year when you asked me ďTell me the truth, is there anybody you like?Ē Mainly because not only was that the happiest time in my life (not being dramatic), and I told you back then ďthatís the first time someoneís ever said something like that to meĒ. So obviously when it turned out that it wasnít meant to be, twice. I again began to despise myself for ever getting my hopes up. But not only that but because I bored you, to the point where you changed your mind (which I found out when you said no).

And Iím scared that youíve started to resent me to (wither it be for asking you out or whatever it may be), because youíve not been responding whenever I say ďbyeĒ (itís happened several times). I might just be looking too deep into it I donít know.

Just remember I would not feel the need to tell you this if it hadnít been affecting me. As you saw last night, my temper has been getting a lot shorter. Tiffs comment about choking me and Ashleigh didnít actually piss me off, although it did irk me. I guess Iím scared Iím about to lose you all. I donít want that to happen. That is why Iím telling you all this, so now hopefully it will be out my mind and it wonít affect me (and therefore our friendship). If I had gone to yours today I planned to tell you to turn me again, because apparently then I would change, and at least then I have a chance of not liking you this much. I was even going to go so far as to say ďIf I die then I die.Ē (as you mentioned last time before your phone/ ipad stopped working).

All this has been going on inside my head and itís taken its toll on me, however I just want you to know I donít blame you for any of it, again it is only my insecurityís and weaknesses that have caused this. So I ask your forgiveness for all my weaknesses and insecurityís, especially those that have affected you."

Now I'm scared that our friendship might be over and I don't want that to be the case. I don't want to lose him ever. Do you think I may have went to far by telling him all of this? I just wanted to get it out so that it wouldn't bother me as much, but if it means losing a friend then I regret telling him. He's the most important person to me...
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Old 8th Mar 2014, 02:56 PM   #2
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Re: Shit I think I might have ruined a friendship

Sounds like you have an obsession with your friend but the friend doesn't feel the same about you. While it may feel like you can't live without the person and there won't be anyone else you can love the same give it time. Most of us have had attractions that were not mutual and you do get over them if you give it time. Maybe you should try hanging out a little less with this friend. I don't think you said anything that your friend would find offensive but he\she might feel smothered. Put some separation between you and see what happens. Your friend might have a change of heart or you may show an interest in someone else. Don't beat yourself up for being honest about your feelings that is a good thing but at the same time if there is no mutual attraction you need to find someone who will feel the same about you as you feel about them.
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Old 8th Mar 2014, 03:06 PM   #3
WhiteShadows
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Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay but I don't know
Out Status: A few friends know that I'm confused
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Re: Shit I think I might have ruined a friendship

I don't think it's a bad thing that you've told (him? her?) this. I've been in this situation before, but you just have to move on. Try spending less time with this person if you can. Maintain the friendship but open other doors for yourself.
Good luck
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