Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > Anonymous Support and Advice

Anonymous Support and Advice You may use this area to post a support and advice topic anonymously, or to provide support to another member anonymously. Anonymous posting is optional for replies.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 4th May 2013, 11:37 AM   #1
Posting Anonymously
 
Anonymous's Avatar
 
Posts: 112,512
Join Date: Dec 2007


How to safely lose virginity

I have made a conscious choice that I need to lose my virginity urgently. Don't convince me that I can live with it any longer, I believe given my personal circumstances that nothing else will move forward in my life until I can just stop worrying about dying before I get to do it and worrying about how I'm the lasta one of my friends who have done so. This needs to happen, and soon.

With that being said, how can I possibly go out and hook up when so many men have AIDS? I'm so scared. I feel like gay sex is just too dangerous. What was the statistic, like 25% of gay men have AIDS? Is this even doable? How does anyone have gay sex knowing this, even with a condom? I just can't get over it.

I also feel like I really can't trust anyone in this group. Any time I try to meet online (which is my only option in farm country), I feel like they're going to kill me, like I just can't trust them. Is there a middle ground here that I'm missing? And again, don't try to convince me to remain a virgin.
Anonymous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2013, 11:46 AM   #2
EC Addict
Full Member
 
June Cleaver's Avatar
 

Gender: Female (trans*)
Orientation: Straight
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: United States of America
Age: 44
Posts: 1,321
Join Date: Jan 2013


Re: How to safely lose virginity

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
I have made a conscious choice that I need to lose my virginity urgently. Don't convince me that I can live with it any longer, I believe given my personal circumstances that nothing else will move forward in my life until I can just stop worrying about dying before I get to do it and worrying about how I'm the lasta one of my friends who have done so. This needs to happen, and soon.

With that being said, how can I possibly go out and hook up when so many men have AIDS? I'm so scared. I feel like gay sex is just too dangerous. What was the statistic, like 25% of gay men have AIDS? Is this even doable? How does anyone have gay sex knowing this, even with a condom? I just can't get over it.

I also feel like I really can't trust anyone in this group. Any time I try to meet online (which is my only option in farm country), I feel like they're going to kill me, like I just can't trust them. Is there a middle ground here that I'm missing? And again, don't try to convince me to remain a virgin.
Doing it with a hookup is the wrong thing to do! Do it with someone special! You will regret just doing it with anyone. Get to know them first and have some feelings first. Sex while in love is amazing! Where as when it is not a union in love it still feels good, and is fun but is not special. June
June Cleaver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2013, 08:23 PM   #3
EC Addict
Full Member
 
Gender: Female
Orientation: Pansexual/Bisexual
Out Status: Some people
Location: Western USA
Posts: 861
Join Date: Sep 2011


Re: How to safely lose virginity

Are you referring to the study done by the CDC? That study says that one in five gay men are HIV positive. I have yet to see any comments on the methodology of the study. Also, if I recall correctly the study only used roughly 8,000 people. Still, I haven't read about their methodology so I'll refrain from going on.

Anyway, back to the losing virginity safely. The best way to protect yourself is to use a condom. A condom, lube, and communication can really help to make things safer. If you'd like, you could ask the man to get tested with you but I'm not sure how many men would go through all that for a hook up. If I were you, I'd ask him when his last STD test was and the results. I would do that regardless of who you're having sex with

As for losing your virginity through a hook up, it is your choice. Some people think they should wait for the one and others think that they should practice for the one. To each their own
castle walls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2013, 08:28 PM   #4
autistic shrink-in-training
Regular Member
 
Gender: Female
Orientation: asexual
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Canada
Age: 27
Posts: 1,527
Join Date: Nov 2012


Re: How to safely lose virginity

Personally, I doubt not being a virgin will really change your life that much. At best, it might take away one worry, but you'll still have all your other issues to deal with. At worst, a bad first-time experience could add further problems for you - and not just in terms of your physical health.
Ettina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2013, 10:11 PM   #5
gonna live in a castle someday
Full Member
 
Argentwing's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: bi
Out Status: Some people
Location: Southern FL
Age: 27
Posts: 6,822
Join Date: Dec 2012


Re: How to safely lose virginity

Condom? But seriously, losing your virginity isn't special if you do it for the act and not for the person. Then you're just rubbing parts together for the nerve stimulation.
Argentwing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2013, 10:25 PM   #6
TJ
It's Never Too Late
Community Facilitator
 
TJ's Avatar
 

Gender:
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Most people
Location: Lawrence, KS
Age: 21
Posts: 2,271
Join Date: Aug 2011


Re: How to safely lose virginity

Agreed with above - save it for someone special.
There were so many times that I wanted to just find someone to screw simply for the sake of it, but I held myself off by knowing that I was just being a hormonal noob. :P

But, if you insist that we can't stop you -
Use le condom. It doesn't sound like you want to wait for any test results, so just condom it up and be aware of what's going on.
TJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th May 2013, 03:29 AM   #7
Forum Admins
Administrator
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: northern CA
Posts: 17,994
Join Date: May 2008


Re: How to safely lose virginity

The way to safely lose your virginity is

1. Find someone you genuinely feel a connection to. Someone around your same general age, with similar interests and background, someone you're genuinely attracted to. Since you live in farm country, you may have to travel some to activities where gay men meet up, but even in the sticks, they exist.

2. Go out with this person a few times and get to know him. Have a conversation about safer sex practices, find out what his attitude is about condom use and safer sex. If he is not constantly practicing safer sex... he's probably not the right one for you. You'll get a sense of whether he's trustworthy from these dates and conversations.

3. At that point, you will have a clear idea whether it feels safe to have sex with him.


That is how to *safely* lose your virginity. This idea that losing your virginity will somehow magically transform you and take all your problems away is just bullshit. If you go and randomly hook up, you might as well jerk off, because it really isn't going to be much different, or mean much. And, there really *is* no way to do so without some risk, either of STIs, or of the guy being a creep, or of getting hurt emotionally or otherwise.

Put your energy into finding a relationship worth being in, and let the sex part of things come as a result of that. You're putting the cart before the horse.
Chip is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
When Did You Lose Your Virginity (If You Have...) HighintheClouds Chit Chat 64 1st May 2013 04:51 PM
When do most gay guys lose their virginity? Theagonist Chit Chat 25 16th Apr 2013 10:27 PM
I don't know if I want to lose my virginity for the wrong reason.... Alexander69 Coming Out Advice 3 24th Oct 2012 09:22 AM
lose virginity through meaningless sex queenofhearts Coming Out Advice 13 18th Jul 2012 10:16 AM
I want to lose my virginity to a stranger Anonymous Anonymous Support and Advice 9 27th Mar 2012 12:44 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:45 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2015, Empty Closets Community Services
The Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21