The girl I have a crush on is moving abroad. please help!

[halfy]

Hi everyone! I'm new on here. erm i've had a crush on my friend for about a year and a half now. i've told 3 of my friends who are all male and are all openly gay. It was hard at first realising i liked her and coping on my own. i've only told my friends about 3 or 4 months ago. i felt nervous at first because saying it out aloud to someone else made it real and i couldn't lie to myself anymore.

anyway; now she is moving to australia for 3 months. she is supposed to be coming back but i wouldn't come back to barnsley (in england) if i was her. i really want to tell her because i feel like i'll be losing her. i know she is straight and she is happy with her boyfriend; she is moving to australia with him.

i feel like i'm in love with her. i'm happy just hanging around with her, it makes me smile if she just sends me a text. i don't want to throw away my friandship but it's going to be so hard to see her move to the other side of the world and bite my tongue so i don't declare my undying love for her. what does everyone on here think?

btw i've never been in a relationship and i'm attracted to both sexes which make things extra confusing. who said life was simple? any help would be great. thanks.

[zumbo]

Love has many kinds. Maybe, what you're feeling for her is just friendly attraction. If you're turned on by her sexually then I think you're bi.

[halfy]

Hi thank you for your reply. i am attracted to her sexually. i would love to just hold her and kiss her but i try to keep those thoughts out of my head as i know she is striaght and it will never happen. hopefully i'll get over her when she moves. but i do want her, more than anything.

i am struggling with my sexuality as i'm attracted to both sexes but i've never been in a relationship so i'm not ready to come out until i'm 100% sure. i've told a few friends how i feel, they are really supportive but obviously they can't tell me what i am. i have to decide for myself but it is hard.

[pirateninja]

First off, welcome to EC! :D

Does this girl know that you are bi/lesbian? If she knows that already then it might make it easier to tell her, although you shouldn't rule it out fully if you haven't already. It just may help soften the blow, for want of a better expression, than if you just outright say "Just so you know, I like girls and I have a crush on you". Not that you would phrase it like that :lol:

It can be tough just living with a crush and not doing anything about it, but I want you to think how you predict she would react. You know her much better than we do and if you have at least some inkling on how she would take it then it may help your desicion. If you know that she would freak and never speak to you again then I wouldn't recommend it. If you think she'd be okay with it then I'd say go for it.

Another thing to consider is, when she came back from Australia, would she come back to near where you are? If she is going away completely, then you have nothing to lose by telling her and if you don't you may regret it later. If she is definitely coming back, depending on how confident you feel then you may want to tell her another time.

Another thing to consider, is if you are going to tell her, then be careful how you tell her. Blurting it out is a big no-no, but stumbling over your words and getting all nervous about it doesn't help either. If you want to tell her, make sure you are ready to tell her. Also, consider wording. As much as you may want to exagerrate feelings for her and declare undying love, more often than not it just makes them feel uncomfortable, especially if (as you said) they are straight and do not feel the same way back. When I had a similar crisis with a straight girl these phrases were tossed around and I would recommend them, as me and her are still good friends :D.

"I just wanted to tell you that I have feelings for you"
"The last thing I want this to do is come between us"
"I felt you had a right to know and if you want we can just carry on as we did before"

Stuff like that just lets her know, yes, you like her and, no, you are not trying to "turn" her or hit on her and the fact that you respect her feelings. Like I have said before, these are probably said best when you are truly ready to tell her and not just blurting or muttering them.

Hope this helps! Good luck! :thumbsup:

[halfy]

Hi, thanks for you're reply. i'm so glad i found this site. i stumbled on it by accident when i was on wikipidia.

anyway, erm no she doesn't know i'm bi but she has voiced her suspicions a few times (jokingly mind) mainly because i'm a fag hag and i turned up to work in all my gay pride gear (to test the waters). everytime she's asked me if i'm a lesbian i've denied it but i don't think it would surprise her if i were to come out.

she said that she's supposed to be coming back to where she is now in 3 months so there is a chance that our friendship will just carry on as it was. however, i can't help but think that there might be a chance she won't come back, or even if she comes back to england, she might decide to move somewhere else anyway.

i bought her a leaving card and i wrote a goodbye message but i made sure that it was a friendly goodbye and i made it as none lesbian as possible. i think i could cope with not telling her. also if i do tell her there is a good chance of me being outed to a lot of people i know. it wouldn't get back to my family but my old work collegues would probably find out. although, i think she would keep it secret if i asked.