streetsense01
3rd May 2008, 09:33 PM
I'm new to the forum but am in need of some advice.
I've had pretty intense feelings for my best friend from high school for close to two years now (I’m bisexual but no one knows). We’re both guys, and I’ve gotten comments from people who know he and I like “Hey, How’s your boyfriend?” because we spend so much time together. People have even seriously asked me if he was gay. He says he is straight though (I tell people I'm straight though when asked).
In high school, we used to call each other every day for multiple hours outside of school and talk about everything from feelings to girls to philosophy to just joking around. He didn't do that with anyone else. It’s been great to have someone like that to talk to. We even talked so much and so late into the night that it even prompted my mom to ask me if I had gay feelings for him. I denied it, even though I really did like him.
The thing is though when we joked about sex, it was always about he or I with another guy that wasn't each other—it was never he and I being involved with one another (or either one of us with girls for that matter). I would occasionally make jokes about he and I, but he would tell me to stop because it made him feel uncomfortable. It always struck me as kind of odd because I would always hear other guys joking around with him in school like that and he would have no problem with it (and it sort of hurts me, because I would like to play around verbally with him once in a while). I asked him if he thought I was gay/bi and that was why he didn’t like me making them but he said that he was confident I was straight.
The last time we hung out (we're in college now but see each other about twice a month and talk almost daily though for shorter amounts of time), I made a sexual joke about he and I, and once again he told me to stop because it made him feel uncomfortable. This time he said that he doesn’t see me as someone to make sexual jokes because I used to be religious. However, this didn’t make sense to me because both he and I have made jokes in the past (though as i said above the jokes didn't involve each other) even when i was going to Church weekly and praying daily. If he truly didn't like me making sexual jokes because I was religious, he would have felt uncomfortable when I made any of those kinds of jokes--not just ones involving him.
He’s also continually made sexual comments to me about he and his one guy friend in college even though I don’t know him. He said he’s perfectly fine about sex jokes about his college friend and him (he even said he’s fine with his college friend jokingly grabbing him but it would bother him if I did), or else this other kid in high school (who he even thinks may be gay) and him, but not he and I.
I’ve been thinking about just coming out to him and telling him how I feel about him, but I’ve always held myself back. He told me about a year or so ago that when he was in eighth grade he stopped talking to his one friend because he thought his friend was gay for him. I really don’t want to lose my friendship with him, because he really is a great guy and has always been there for me to talk to when I needed someone.
At the same time though, one of our friends from high school is also bisexual and the friend I like made a comment like “Everyone goes through something like that”, which leads me to believe he may be bi or at least curious. He’s also never had any serious girlfriends because his feelings for them change like the weather. For instance, last week he was head over heels for a girl but then he called me yesterday to say he was no longer interested, even though nothing had caused the change between them.
Any ideas as to why he’s fine with sexual jokes and innuendos involving other guys but not me? Any suggestions on how I could find out more about his sexuality without coming out to him and seeing how he reacts? Or is coming out the only way? I almost feel like I would rather not come out and just be satisfied with being his friend, but it just doesn’t seem possible—my feelings are way too strong for him…
Sorry for such the long post. Thanks for reading, and any help at all is appreciated.
I've had pretty intense feelings for my best friend from high school for close to two years now (I’m bisexual but no one knows). We’re both guys, and I’ve gotten comments from people who know he and I like “Hey, How’s your boyfriend?” because we spend so much time together. People have even seriously asked me if he was gay. He says he is straight though (I tell people I'm straight though when asked).
In high school, we used to call each other every day for multiple hours outside of school and talk about everything from feelings to girls to philosophy to just joking around. He didn't do that with anyone else. It’s been great to have someone like that to talk to. We even talked so much and so late into the night that it even prompted my mom to ask me if I had gay feelings for him. I denied it, even though I really did like him.
The thing is though when we joked about sex, it was always about he or I with another guy that wasn't each other—it was never he and I being involved with one another (or either one of us with girls for that matter). I would occasionally make jokes about he and I, but he would tell me to stop because it made him feel uncomfortable. It always struck me as kind of odd because I would always hear other guys joking around with him in school like that and he would have no problem with it (and it sort of hurts me, because I would like to play around verbally with him once in a while). I asked him if he thought I was gay/bi and that was why he didn’t like me making them but he said that he was confident I was straight.
The last time we hung out (we're in college now but see each other about twice a month and talk almost daily though for shorter amounts of time), I made a sexual joke about he and I, and once again he told me to stop because it made him feel uncomfortable. This time he said that he doesn’t see me as someone to make sexual jokes because I used to be religious. However, this didn’t make sense to me because both he and I have made jokes in the past (though as i said above the jokes didn't involve each other) even when i was going to Church weekly and praying daily. If he truly didn't like me making sexual jokes because I was religious, he would have felt uncomfortable when I made any of those kinds of jokes--not just ones involving him.
He’s also continually made sexual comments to me about he and his one guy friend in college even though I don’t know him. He said he’s perfectly fine about sex jokes about his college friend and him (he even said he’s fine with his college friend jokingly grabbing him but it would bother him if I did), or else this other kid in high school (who he even thinks may be gay) and him, but not he and I.
I’ve been thinking about just coming out to him and telling him how I feel about him, but I’ve always held myself back. He told me about a year or so ago that when he was in eighth grade he stopped talking to his one friend because he thought his friend was gay for him. I really don’t want to lose my friendship with him, because he really is a great guy and has always been there for me to talk to when I needed someone.
At the same time though, one of our friends from high school is also bisexual and the friend I like made a comment like “Everyone goes through something like that”, which leads me to believe he may be bi or at least curious. He’s also never had any serious girlfriends because his feelings for them change like the weather. For instance, last week he was head over heels for a girl but then he called me yesterday to say he was no longer interested, even though nothing had caused the change between them.
Any ideas as to why he’s fine with sexual jokes and innuendos involving other guys but not me? Any suggestions on how I could find out more about his sexuality without coming out to him and seeing how he reacts? Or is coming out the only way? I almost feel like I would rather not come out and just be satisfied with being his friend, but it just doesn’t seem possible—my feelings are way too strong for him…
Sorry for such the long post. Thanks for reading, and any help at all is appreciated.