is having sex with too many ppl or ppl you don't know bad ????

[Anonymous]

ok i dont' know how to put this... I guess basically, it seems to me that almost every gay person i've met is really sexual and promiscuous.... I grew up Christian, and even though i'm not a Christian and don't really beleive in God, I still have that idea that sex should be something special kind of. Like if something happened at a party or something, watever.. but i don't know, going online and meeting random ppl just for sex so you can get off seems wrong to me... and it kind of creeps me out when i talk to gay guys who have slept with hundreds of people.

Baiscally, i'm confused... cause i really like sex, but i want to be a good and healthy person or watever. When i get an offer for sex or threesomes, i turn them down cause i think it's not the right thing to do, even though i really want to.

i just want your guy's opinion..am i crazy to think that sex should be something special ish... am i just being wierd ?? Is having sex with too many people or people you dont' know bad ?? Is it just about whatever makes you feel good, or are there some behaviors that just aren't right / healthy???

i hope this makes sense. Thanx!!

ps. if you say 'it's just up to me'.. tell me what you think too for yourself. thanx.

[Fiorino]

I'd say first of all it depends on what is important for you.
I'm personally more into having a relationship and then having
sex because someone is special to me. If you're more into just
sex then that might not be for you. If you're the promiscuous
type, then I advise you to protect yourself (condoms) always,
and be careful who you sleep with. Whether that's right or wrong
is up to you, but don't feel like you have to be promiscuous because
it's "normal", there's plenty of people like me out there who aren't
into random sex. You can always go for the middle ground and know
people before you sleep with them, and not sleep with too many.
Hope that helped (*hug*)

[Anonymous]

Well, It seems like every gay person I have met is a big whore aswell. I mean Im not trying to stereotype the entire community, it just seems like the majority of those that I have met. BUT dont feel pressured to do anything youre not comfortable with. Its your body.

[sayitforreals]

forgot to uncheck the box.

[Ty]

Well, It seems like every gay person I have met is a big whore aswell. I mean Im not trying to stereotype the entire community, it just seems like the majority of those that I have met. BUT dont feel pressured to do anything youre not comfortable with. Its your body.

depends on how you met them and how old they are, i think.

[Midnight Angel]

Like others have said it all depends on you. Like for example I think it's fun and not bad at all but someone else may feel differently.

[Lexington]

Sex is what you make it.

I can count my sex partners on the fingers of my left hand. I've passed up many opportunities to have sex with guys. Some of my friends have criticized me for this, as they feel they'd regret it if they ever passed up a chance. I don't feel that way. Sure, sometimes I wonder "what woulda happened", but idle curiosity isn't the same thing as regret. I most certainly do NOT regret the decisions I made.

Lex

[joeyconnick]

ok i dont' know how to put this... I guess basically, it seems to me that almost every gay person i've met is really sexual and promiscuous.... I grew up Christian, and even though i'm not a Christian and don't really beleive in God, I still have that idea that sex should be something special kind of. Like if something happened at a party or something, watever.. but i don't know, going online and meeting random ppl just for sex so you can get off seems wrong to me... and it kind of creeps me out when i talk to gay guys who have slept with hundreds of people.

Baiscally, i'm confused... cause i really like sex, but i want to be a good and healthy person or watever. When i get an offer for sex or threesomes, i turn them down cause i think it's not the right thing to do, even though i really want to.

i just want your guy's opinion..am i crazy to think that sex should be something special ish... am i just being wierd ?? Is having sex with too many people or people you dont' know bad ?? Is it just about whatever makes you feel good, or are there some behaviors that just aren't right / healthy???

i hope this makes sense. Thanx!!

ps. if you say 'it's just up to me'.. tell me what you think too for yourself. thanx.Well first off, sometimes it can seem like all gay people are really sexual and sexually active (I think "promiscuous" is a bit too much of a loaded term) but a lot of times I think you'll find that gay people are a lot more open about their sexual exploits whereas straight people can be just as active yet a lot less likely to fess up about it. Plus, a lot of it has to do with the age of the people you've met/talked to; people tend to be more sexually active with more partners when they're younger (in my experience, at least).

The (modern) gay liberation movement started up during or just after the whole sexual revolution in the 60s so there's a lot of sexual freedom rhetoric built into the modern notion of being gay, which explains why many gay people are a lot more open about sex and sexual activity. Plus then there's the sense that you're already defying a really entrenched social taboo by even acknowledging same-gender desire so why bother toeing the line when it comes to worshipping at the cult of monogamy and chastity, right? That is, people are already "deviants" just by saying they're gay so if people get all up in their faces about how "deviant" they are for having a lot of sex, who cares because it's not like you can be any more "deviant" for having a lot of sex than you are for being gay.

I myself am not a big fan of the idea of going online and just hooking up with a different random every week or even every day because while I do like sex quite a lot, I like having sex with people I at least like and find interesting. I don't mean I have to think we're going to spend the rest of our lives together before I'll get naked with someone but I want to believe they think there's something cool or special about me. Maybe that's more just ego on my part than any real issue with having sex with strangers. But also, I think it's just safer to have sex with people you know and like. To me having sex makes me feel incredibly vulnerable and I don't really feel like being incredibly vulnerable around people whose intentions I know nothing of. Forget STI safety--I don't want to be endangered emotionally.

That being said, I don't think there's anything bad or wrong with having sex with a lot of people or multiple people at once if you're coming at that from a healthy place. I.e. if you're doing it for fun and not because you're doing it because you're so afraid of emotional intimacy that you are avoiding relationships because "just sex" is easier. And even there, I think there are sometimes when people don't want the huge hullahbaloo of a relationship but do want some sexual gratification and I think that's fine.

If your sexual urges are ruling your life, that's obviously a problem. But if it's just a fun diversion, then I say go for it! It sounds like you regret turning down some of the offers you've received and that kind of regret is definitely not fun to live with, because we're only young once... or at least we're only young in the sense of getting frequent offers for sex quite easily and readily once. *grin*

If your only reservation about accepting these offers is "what will other people think?" or "what kind of person does this make me?" then you might want to reconsider your rejections. I don't think, for most people, sex is such a huge deal that it necessarily leads to compulsive behaviour so I don't think if you were to sometimes have sex with people outside the context of a relationship it would mean you would just kinda become "addicted" to it.

There's a lot of guilt and shame around sex and around liking sex, which sounds a bit like what you're dealing with. I think if you are savvy about it and avoid dangerous situations, it can be really fulfilling. I've had sex with around 40 people (people I was dating and people I wasn't) over about... well I guess most of them within a period of about 6 or 7 years. I know for sure that makes me a slut in some people's eyes but the nice thing about life is everything is relative and I have met tons of people who have had WAAAAAY more partners than I have (sometimes in a far shorter timeframe) and then I've met people who either haven't ever had sex or who have had a very low number of partners. It takes all kinds.

I totally do not in any way, shape, or form regret the number of partners I've had. In fact, I regret not taking certain additional opportunities that came my way. I do regret sleeping with certain people but that's because those were individual bad decisions, not because of the number of people I've slept with. In fact, since you mentioned threesomes, one of the two threesomes I've had was one of the best sexual experiences of my life, so I DEFINITELY don't regret that even though for some people, threesomes are totally "dirty."

At the same time, I don't think you're weird for feeling sex should be something special. I think a lot of people feel that way. However, I think a lot of that feeling comes from what we're taught about sex, that it's this huge big sacred deal, and while I think sex is totally awesome and cool and definitely can be sacred, I don't think that has anything to do with sex itself; it's not intrinsic to it. Sex can be sacred or silly or gross or awful or mind-blowing or revelatory or just ho-hum. It's just a physical activity at the end of the day. The importance of sex is the importance we as individuals and as a society attach to it.

That's why there are some people who have sex like they have a morning cup of coffee and some people who have sex like it's a life-long commitment. You need to figure out what it means to you and what you want it to mean to you. But don't be fooled into thinking it can only mean one thing eternally... what it means to you can be different from what it means for someone else and what it means to you now might not be what it means to you later on in life.

But yeah, for me, all other things being equal, I'd rather have some people call me slutty than pass up on a hot boy. I'm just saying. :lol:

[Anonymous]

your going to get HIV if you go around having sex with random ppl you dont know...i would wait until you find that special someone ...then it will make that moment even more special between the 2 of you...dont be foolish and sleep around...youll wake up one day and find out you have HIV

[joeyconnick]

your going to get HIV if you go around having sex with random ppl you dont know...i would wait until you find that special someone ...then it will make that moment even more special between the 2 of you...dont be foolish and sleep around...youll wake up one day and find out you have HIVThat's so not true... if you have sex with "that special someone" and they turn out to be HIV+, you're just as likely to get HIV then as you are from a stranger. That's why most people use condoms, because they offer really good protection against HIV.

Plus if you have sex with random people who don't happen to be HIV+, your chances of becoming infected are 0.

If everyone who slept with random people woke up one day with HIV, there'd be a hell of a lot more cases of HIV in the world.

[LostAddict]

your going to get HIV if you go around having sex with random ppl you dont know...i would wait until you find that special someone ...then it will make that moment even more special between the 2 of you...dont be foolish and sleep around...youll wake up one day and find out you have HIVThat's so not true... if you have sex with "that special someone" and they turn out to be HIV+, you're just as likely to get HIV then as you are from a stranger. That's why most people use condoms, because they offer really good protection against HIV.

Plus if you have sex with random people who don't happen to be HIV+, your chances of becoming infected are 0.

If everyone who slept with random people woke up one day with HIV, there'd be a hell of a lot more cases of HIV in the world.

While that is true, more hookups with strangers that you don't know definately does increase your chance of contracting HIV. You're sleeping with more people, therefore increasing the chance that one of them has HIV. By sleeping with a lot of people you are increasing your chances of STDs. Even with condoms and whatnot. I get what you're saying, and the original poster certainly exaggerated it, but they did have a point.

[joeyconnick]

While that is true, more hookups with strangers that you don't know definately does increase your chance of contracting HIV. You're sleeping with more people, therefore increasing the chance that one of them has HIV. By sleeping with a lot of people you are increasing your chances of STDs. Even with condoms and whatnot. I get what you're saying, and the original poster certainly exaggerated it, but they did have a point.Not quite true: more hook-ups in general will increase your chances of possibly encountering someone who's HIV+. And even if you do end up sleeping with someone who's positive, if you have smart sex, what's the likelihood of you becoming infected? I know people may find this hard to believe but there are HIV- people out there who have sex, multiple times, with people who are HIV+ and who don't seroconvert. I have a friend who was in a relationship with a guy for 12 years who was positive and he himself is not, because they played safe.

Thinking you "know someone" is no protection against HIV... it doesn't care if you know the person or not. People lie, people don't get tested...

Of course there's no chance of STIs if you don't have sex, but that's not a really viable option for most people.

I could start into my whole thing on life is risk and really what are the comparitive risks of contracting HIV through safer sex vs. say getting hit by a car or whatnot but that will just get me mad. Let's just say I'm sick of people who equate sleeping with a variety of people as more irresponsible than saving oneself for that one special often-mythical someone.

Falsely believing you are "safe" because you're a "good boy" who only sleeps with people you "know" and not very many of them is pure idiocy. It's far more sensible not to worry about numbers and worry more about how you have sex than who you have it with (unless you know for sure that someone is HIV+, in which case the decision-making becomes somewhat different).

It's far safer to have protected sex with a bunch of different people than unprotected sex with a very few, or even one.

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

Personally, I don't mind if people sleep around or not. That's their choice. For myself, I want my first time to be with someone I really like, just because I think it should be a really positive experience and I don't want to regret it. Having casual sex could be damaging and I want more life-experience before I make that choice. But if, later on, when I'm more experienced and able to take care of myself, I feel attracted to people I don't know very well, maybe I will be a bit more promiscuous.

I'm not sure right now. It depends how I feel about it when I eventually do have sex. I can imagine myself sleeping with someone I didn't know that well, but I don't know if I'd really want to do it. So, I'm waiting for my first partner to be someone special, and then, depending on how that goes and whether I still feel like I want to be cautious, I'll re-evaluate.

I wouldn't say I'm cautious because I think it would be "wrong" or "dirty" because I don't believe in arbritary value judgements like that. The reason I'm cautious is simply because it might cause me or my partner emotional pain and I would want to avoid that.

So, if you think it's something special and you're happier just having serious partners, that's fine. But if you feel tempted to have casual sex, and you think that you have the right emotional mindset for it and it would make you happy, don't abstain just because it seems "wrong". It's just about whether you would cause long term happiness or suffering, and that, in the end, comes down to your personal preference.

[davo-man]

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with being sexually confident or promiscuous, I do have a problem who use sx as a way to get others to like them. That's just slutty, but I don't think that's what's being discussed. I would like my first time be special, perhaps with a boyfriend. However, I can see myself breaking that fantasy and getting it on with a random.

As long as you are safe (in that they are not predatory) and using a condom, then I think you should have fun

[Jim1454]

Joey has provided a very thorough and well articulated response (again!). Not much to add.

I think it was mentioned above... you're getting a general impression perhaps based on the web sites that you're visiting (other than this one, I assume!). And remember that the web is great for anonymity and brining people together that have common interests or objectives. So... I'd guess that guys that are looking for a quick 'hookup' are using the web to get one. Those that aren't looking for that simply aren't using the internet in the same way.

Before I was out (and yes, while I was married) I was one of those guys you are talking about. You might find that a lot of the guys you're encountering online are not out so they are strictly looking for sex. They cut to the chase and get right to business. Again - gay guys that are out and more comfortable with their sexuality are more likely to be dating, in long term relationships, or out socializing - not cruising online for sex.

I guess I'm trying to say don't get discouraged. It's easy (because I found this) to get the impression that all gay guys are just looking for sex. But that's only because those are the only gay (or curious! :dry: ) guys you're finding online. It's quite possible, and WAY more enjoyable in my opinion, to find someone that is well suited to yourself, develop a meaningful relationship, and enjoy a fantastic sex life with that one person.

[KaraBulut]

ok i dont' know how to put this... I guess basically, it seems to me that almost every gay person i've met is really sexual and promiscuous....

I have to make the observation that I don't think that gay men are any more or less promiscuous than their straight male counterparts. We're in a time where teenagers and college-age guys are very focused on hookups and getting laid. And there's not a lot of "middle-of-the-road" emphasis on making smart choices when it comes to sexuality- either you're told that abstinence is the way or you're told that anonymous hook-ups are perfectly okay.


i just want your guy's opinion..am i crazy to think that sex should be something special ish... am i just being wierd ?? Is having sex with too many people or people you dont' know bad ?? Is it just about whatever makes you feel good, or are there some behaviors that just aren't right / healthy???

If you are old enough to have sex, then you should be old enough to make responsible choices. You should never apologize for this nor should you feel pressure from other guys- gay or straight- who are not choosing as wisely.

[Anonymous]

your going to get HIV if you go around having sex with random ppl you dont know...i would wait until you find that special someone ...then it will make that moment even more special between the 2 of you...dont be foolish and sleep around...youll wake up one day and find out you have HIVThat's so not true... if you have sex with "that special someone" and they turn out to be HIV+, you're just as likely to get HIV then as you are from a stranger. That's why most people use condoms, because they offer really good protection against HIV.

Plus if you have sex with random people who don't happen to be HIV+, your chances of becoming infected are 0.

If everyone who slept with random people woke up one day with HIV, there'd be a hell of a lot more cases of HIV in the world.

of course use condoms...but the chance of body fluid being exchanged is still possible...and also...when i said wait too meet that special someone...i forgot to say i would bring both myself and the person i would start seeing into a clinic and get blood tested before things got more intimate...thats how you know you wouldnt get HIV from someone dear to you..

[Anonymous]

You are who you are. You are not a lable. Have sex when you feel comfortable you know? For me I'm going to wait until its with some one I care about. But thats just how I am. Casual sex just isn't me. But it might be different for you.

Really go with what you think is right. No one else can make the choice.

[Gumtree]

I reckon it's all about what kind of sex it is.

Abit like the saying 'I may have sex with many other men, but you're the one i sleep with'.

I think there are a lot of factors that contribute to what kind of sex it is:

How you met the person and what you expected/wanted from them at the time.

Your environment/surrounding like at a party or on a date etc.

Status e.g. On the rebound, single, committed etc.

How well you know the person.

What u feel for the person.

Motivation behind 'why' you have sex with them.

Age.


This is a really touchy topic for my parents when i talk to them about it, they both know i am/was extremely sexually active but don't really approve. They have a strong belief that 'loveless' sex has bad repercussions later on in life. They believe that it can have a really big impact on how you learn to maintain a relationship and what you expect from other people. Mind you this is directed at Teenagers-Young adults, they just think it's sad when Sex becomes too big a factor in a relationship.

In personal experience, i can honestly say that between September 2007 and Christmas 2007 I slept with over 30 different guy over the duration, but I had a bit of revelation and started to find that there was no satisfaction is loveless sex and was turned off it. So far this year i have been having sex with a total of 2 guys, both them i have had strong feelings for.

It has taken a long time for me to realize that sex is a special thing again. I guess there are those that disagree but from my experience, the sex with the 2 guys has been so much more meaningful and It was sooo much better then any of guys late last year.

I would pick sex with 1 person I feel for (not even love, can just be intimate friendship) over 30 randoms anyday.

I actually regret every single one of the guys last year.

I am very great full i am still clean though!

[firecausesburns]

Personally, I'm not interested at all in random hookups. I've never even been kissed, but I'm speaking hypothetically. For me, sex and love are pretty strongly tied to each other.