Confusion

[Anonymous]

Hey everybody,
Wow I just had a really confusing weekend. And I need some advice...though what advice you can give me I don't know.

This weekend started out and ended very well no complaints. But the thing is...I met this guy...thing is i'm a girl. I've come out to you all as a Lesbian. And in all truth I am. I mean I know I like girls. No question about it. But I was hanging out with this guy and I knew he was thinking what most straight guys I'm around these days think...she has a nice body...and eventually some where in the whole weekend I got to thinking what if? What if I'm bi? Is it possible? And then I remembered the thread on here about how if there was a straight pill would you take it? And how a few of you said yeah...to be normal I would. Or somthing like that. And I thought about how much its what my family expects out of me ya know? Before this weekend I never really thought I was possibly bi. I actually wondered how it was possible for some one to be bi...no offense really...but now I'm seriously thinking about it and i can see how it can make sense. I can also see how much easier in away it can be...but what if this is just one of those moments where I'm just confused? Has any one else been here? Back to the story. Any who. There were alot of cracks about how we should date and things like that...and one of my friends got over protective of me (which...I'm always the one getting overprotective of my friends...so that was weird). And then we traded cell numbers...and I'm utterly and completely confused! Because I don't want to say one thing and be another I just know...I like girls. I find guys faces attractive, but that is it. This guy...there was just something else about him. Can any one help me make heads or tails of this?

[davo-man]

Well, as has been said many times on here, sexuality is a fluid thing, and just because for the majority of your life, you've identified as a lesbian, doesn't stop your body from throwing a curveball and being attracted to a guy. Peersonally, I would let it take you where it leads, and if you don't feel comfortable, and it doesn't feel right, just let him know that and back away slowly (if that makes sense...I think I used too many idioms, so sorry).

What I mean is that perhaps you should let him know that you're identifying as lesbian, but feel a strong connection and wanna see sparks could fly. I dunno, that's just my opinion

[Louise]

I agree with Davo-man, you can't live your life by a lable, be open to attraction when you feel it for someone and don't worry about their gender. Let yourself go a bit and see where this friendship leads you.

[Lexington]

I wouldn't say that this necessarily throws a wrench in the works. You don't say how old you are, but if you're under twenty or so, I'd say that's totally natural. Do you want to pursue this? That might be a bit problematic, but there's no harm in seeing him and seeing it it pans out.

Lex

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

Did you feel attracted to this guy? Would you want to try dating him? If yes, go for it. Don't worry about having said before that you're lesbian and now re-appraising that. We all have to work to explore our feelings and if we change our minds along the way, that's fine. Just do what feels right and see what happens. You might find that you're not really attracted to him after all, and that's fine too. If it's confusion or not, just do what feels right and things will pan out OK.

If, however, you just think you should date him because it would be easier to be bi and then you could live an easy straight life, don't do it. You need to be true to yourself. Trying to fit yourself into a label you don't suit will only make you unhappy.

[MeskElil]

There was a really good post on here about a week ago that said, "It's not genders we're attracted to...it's people." I can't rembember who said it, but I think it was Lexington. I think that's the answer to your dilemma...you like this guy. because he's a nice person. and just because you're a lesbian and you like this guy...well, you get where I'm headed.

[Lexington]

I didn't say it. Wish I had, though. :)

Lex

[Bromptonrocks]

To the original poster.

I know exactly where you're coming from.

It's true that we shouldn't lable ourselves and then stick to that lable. As far as I can remember, I've always swung from totally gay to bi. I've never been "totally" straight. The past eight years or so, I've been "off " girls (no offence) and been into guys. Who knows what the future holds. I can still imagine myself in a relationship with a girl and the thought of sex with a girl sort of does do it for me but rarely. The thought of sex with a guy definitely does it for me.

So, you see, go with what you feel. Don't let it go and then say, "If only" or "What if"?

Give it a go and see where it takes you. Nature has a wonderful way of showing you the right road. You just need to be willing to follow it. I don't think you've got anything to lose but I think you do need to lay your card on the tables and tell the guy. If he's honest and sincere, he'll understand. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I probably won't be seeing him again for a while.
I try not to lable. Not only myself but those around me. Thing is I said I am something to you guys and here I'm thinking I might be bi and...well it seems like a lie. I don't know. I mean i like him...but then again I don't. Maybe its just curiosity?
But I think I have been labeling myself in a way now that I think about it. But with the stress I've had lately its easier and then I get this curveball and it all goes.You guys are right. Love isn't a gender. And I think somewhere I forgot that.

[Zec24]

Thing is I said I am something to you guys and here I'm thinking I might be bi and...well it seems like a lie. I don't know.


I understand how you feel completely. I still go through times when I wonder if I'll ever have to eat my words and go back to my parents and tell them that I'm actually not gay. I'd hate to do that, I'd feel like I was lying to them, and even to myself.

You know, maybe it's confusion, maybe it's not. I don't know. I've struggled on that path for a couple years now, and I don't even have feelings for guys. If you're like me, maybe all you need is more experience to fully understand yourself.