Online Boyfriend

[Anonymous]

i have had an online bf for a while now, when we started out it was great i could tell he loved me but then after like 3 months we broke up because....well i really never found out, so then after 2 months he has a we got back together but he has a bf in rl but i really dont care but most of the time he acts like he doesnt care about me and he has said some horrible stuff to me, i usually got over it and just kept going so last night he said he really didnt care about anyone else but his bf in rl and he said he didnt know if he cares about me yet i still want to stay with him cause i care about him just as much as i did when we first met but idk what to do, i know i need to break up with him but i dont want to and idk why

srry if u dont understand, i dont make threads cause i usualy cant explain things

i was wondering what u guys think i should do:help:

[Lexington]

I think it's pretty clear what you should do. And I think you know it.

With this guy, the BEST you can possibly hope for is being second on his list. So when he has time for you, and maybe his real-life boyfriend isn't available, he'll buzz you. Is that really how you want to live? Being "on call" for somebody? You can definitely do better than this guy, but you WON'T do better than this guy so long as you stay hooked up with him.

He's given you the "out" you need. He says he only cares for his real-life boyfriend. Consider that your "goodbye". Drop him from your contact list, block his e-mail, and get out there and get yourself a boyfriend who's worthy of you. :)

Lex

[Quitex]

I am so sorry if he just is not the same. That's why I am very skeptic about online relationships, HOWEVER, I am in a online relationship and we're good by now. In my end, I will do all for it to work. We talk on the phone and on a skype-ish program called Ventrillo, in a game, on msn, etc. and it is pretty great :D

[Anonymous]

Original Poster:

I dont know if i can, he makes me really happy sometimes but he also depresses me alot and sometimes he does it on purpose and then he wont apologize afterwards

[otc877]

Original Poster:

I dont know if i can, he makes me really happy sometimes but he also depresses me alot and sometimes he does it on purpose and then he wont apologize afterwards

I don't know any other way, but to put it bluntly.

He's made it clear that he doesn't care for you. He is constantly toying with your emotions. He doesn't apologize for hurting your feelings. You're not a pivotal point in his life. You're just some thing that he sometimes makes time to be with.

You know all of this, admit it to yourself. Admit it to yourself that you're far better off without him toying with your emotions. Like Lex said, he's made it more than easy to break up with him, now just follow through. You don't need him stringing you along.

[Lexington]

He sounds like a major loser, and he may actually be TRYING to make you leave. To borrow a phrase, DTMFA.

Lex

[Anonymous]

Well....its over, he said he isnt gonna let this annoy him anymore and told me to be with someone else, hopefully i wont break down like last time

[Lexington]

Don't give him, or you, a chance to start this back up again.

Delete him from your contact list.
Block his e-mail, both on your e-mail account and on your messenger account.
Move on.

Take some time. Cry and pound the pillow if you have to. Then get up, take a shower, and start looking for someone who will treat you like the special person you are.

He's out there. Go find him. :)

Lex

[Anonymous]

:icon_sad: i physically cant cry, ive tried but i cant....so it just makes the pain twice as painful, and i dont want to completely cut him iff cause he might realize he does care about me

[Lexington]

I think part of the reason you can't cry is that you're not willing to shut that door. You feel there's still a chance (however small) for him to turn around and start caring about you again, so you refuse to take any steps forward.

I think you know as well as I do that the odds of him "coming around" are pretty damn small. Too small, in my opinion, to suffer through this anymore.

You're better than that.

You deserve better than a guy who can only spare you any time and attention when there's nothing else going on in his life.

You deserve better than to wait around hoping this guy might ditch his current, flesh-and-blood, right-there-with-him boyfriend, in order to pick back up with you.

Yes, cutting the ties is going to be painful. But my opinion is it's either going to happen now, or in the future. And if you wait, you'll have to add in all the grief and bad feelings leading up to the inevitable end. Time you can spend living your life, possibly with a real boyfriend who actually does care about you.

Please. Think it over.

Lex

[Anonymous]

im working on the boyfriend in rl but i have to come out first and i havent been able to cry for almost a year now so i dont think its because of him i couldnt cry before him

[Lexington]

Feel free to get it out another way. Go for a long walk. Punch your pillow. Go out to some deserted area and scream your head off. Whatever you think might help.

And don't wait for a real life boyfriend before you ditch the online one. :)

Lex

[mrrolemodel]

online relationships to me are pointless and fairly stupid.
because in my view, half of a relationship has to do with physical things. (eye contact, touching, etc.)
so obviously you can do better than some creep with a boyfriend who you know online.

i would know, i spent a lot of time hurting over a guy who was with someone already.
you dont need a guy, its not like... a requirement.

be single! work on yourself! work on coming out!
:]

[Anonymous]

i want a bf because im lonely, and i am working on comming out, i suspect ill be out by the end of the school year

[mrrolemodel]

let me just say this.
im pretty damn sure youre not the only lonely closeted gay teenager out there.
:]

things will work out.

in the mean time...
hang out with friends.

[Anonymous]

:icon_sad: i dont have any friends

[Lexington]

That makes it a bit clearer why you're reluctant to let this guy go - he's all you got.

Go make some friends. It's a process, it takes some time, but it's pretty do-able. :)

Lex

[tehnathan]

Exactly! I couldn't have said it better myself.

I've been through the whole online relationships thing - and when I meet the person in real life, they're not the person they've made themselves out to be and it's a complete waste of time.

online relationships to me are pointless and fairly stupid.
because in my view, half of a relationship has to do with physical things. (eye contact, touching, etc.)
so obviously you can do better than some creep with a boyfriend who you know online.

i would know, i spent a lot of time hurting over a guy who was with someone already.
you dont need a guy, its not like... a requirement.

be single! work on yourself! work on coming out!
:]

[Lexington]

I met a guy online once. At first, we just played video games together, but then we started chatting, and getting to know each other, and I started getting feelings for him. This went on for a few months. I thought it was ridiculous, since we'd never actually met. But I figured I'd at least meet him in person once before I just gave up on the idea.

He flew out to meet me.
I flew out to meet him.
He moved to my city.
We moved in together.
We celebrate ten years together in July.

Never say never, kids.

Lex

[Anonymous]

I met a guy online once. At first, we just played video games together, but then we started chatting, and getting to know each other, and I started getting feelings for him. This went on for a few months. I thought it was ridiculous, since we'd never actually met. But I figured I'd at least meet him in person once before I just gave up on the idea.

He flew out to meet me.
I flew out to meet him.
He moved to my city.
We moved in together.
We celebrate ten years together in July.

Never say never, kids.

Lex

wow...