How much is too much?

[Anonymous]

I would like opinions on a 14 year old and an 18 year old being in a relationship, both guys.
The 14 year old is actually pretty mature for his age.
The two have met and are getting to know each other.
The older guy is normal; he's not a creep.

[Lexington]

What's the question?

Can this work out? Possibly. The major issue, however, will probably be the local statutes as far as age of consent is concerned. In many areas, an 18-year-old CAN't be in a physical relationship with a 14-year-old, regardless of how mature any of them are.

Lex

[s5m1]

I think even a mature 14 year old is at such a different stage of emotional development than an 18 year old that it is inappropriate. I also cannot conceive of anywhere in the western world (particularly the US) where this would be legal.

[Miaplacidus]

I'm 18. I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone four years younger. In fact 16-17 is already too young (I have experienced that)

It's legal in France, I think.

[Brett]

I don't really have too much against it, because, honestly, it sounds like something that I would do.......

[JeremyB]

I don't really see the problem with it.

...I would date an 18 year old. >_>
I've already dated someone who was 16 turning 17. x_x

But I guess the whole "legal" thing could be a pretty big problem... But i'm not one who usually follows the rules. XD Not saying that's a good thing, of course.

[Lexington]

Well, sure, you two. You're not the one getting dragged to jail and/or branded a "sex offender" for the rest of your life. :)

Lex

[Alexander]

The question is, how much does the 14 year old care about the 18 year old?

Personally, I wouldn't date a person above the age barrier unless it was just a couple month's difference between us. That way at least it would qualify as a "romeo-and-juliet" offense if we did get caught, not a full out felony and seduction of a minor for immoral purposes. Think about that.

[Gumtree]

I don't think age matters in any relationship EXCEPT this kind of age bracket.

Although 4 year's isn't a big gap when you take into consideration the differences in what accepted for an 18 year old to do, the freedom and rights difference, legalities and the maturity and experience difference they normally don't work.

Just little things like bed times, having a car, income and freedom can put huge strains on the relationship.

All that said, if the 18 year old sincerely likes you and is will to compromise to fit your limitations then i see no reason at all why it wont work.

Love knows no age.

Love can touch us one time, as last for a lifetime :P

[joeyconnick]

Love can touch us one time, as last for a lifetime :PThanks, Céline. *giggle*

[joeyconnick]

I think even a mature 14 year old is at such a different stage of emotional development than an 18 year old that it is inappropriate. I also cannot conceive of anywhere in the western world (particularly the US) where this would be legal.Well up until late February it would have been perfectly legal in Canada. Oh no wait, it still is legal in Canada... I really should know that.

I would say generally a 14yo and 18yo in a relationship would be problematic. Then again, I can imagine an 18yo who was immature and more like a 16yo and a 14yo who was mature and more like a 16yo. So not impossible but probably unlikely. Well, I don't know about unlikely but maybe "ill-advised." Like if I knew a 14yo or an 18yo I wouldn't recommend they seek a relationship with someone that much older/younger.

[Martin]

Hmmm, the whole idea of it being unacceptable is more of a social attitude towards it. You can't really get in trouble for liking somebody, but it's what you do in that relationship which is the dodgy territory. I think at the very most all they would be able to do is kiss. Anything beyond that and you're really pushing the law boundaries. :\

If they were willing to ignore the social stigma and stay on the right side of the law then i can't see why not, but i would say the chances of something happening would be pretty high considering it would be a long time to wait before it's completely legal.

Gah, i dunno. It's such an awkward situation that has a very clear divide in it. If it can be made to work without any legal complications then maybe it's ok, but it's a very risky area. :\

[Nicvcer]

I'd say 14 and 18 would work out alright, but there would be lots of hurdles. Firstly you would have to keep the relationship secret which sucks anyways. But honestly if you like someone enough to want to be with them then I wouldn't worry about the world "out there". But at the same time don't put the 18 y.o. in a position where he might get thrown in jail and branded with the sexual offender tag. Thats just unfair.
The maturity thing is a big issue too. I think you would be just fine though, but the relationship would take a lot of effort from both parties.

[Paul_UK]

I was going to reply here but between then Martin and Nicvcer have said everything I was going to say.

[Anonymous]

It depends so much on the people. Most 18yr I would never date because it would be too wierd/illegal or whatever.

But my best friend is actually 18, and if we fancied each other I'd date her without hesitation, because we're totally on a level, it's as if there's no age gap between us, and I feel 100% comfortable with her.

[Connor]

To clear up ANY confusion: it is perfectly legal for an 18-year-old to date a 14-year-old, it's just often illegal for them to involve sex in the relationship. I think it's completely fine and sensible to date someone you like regardless of their age, it just might be subject to social stigma from those around you.

[Anonymous]

To clear up ANY confusion: it is perfectly legal for an 18-year-old to date a 14-year-old, it's just often illegal for them to involve sex in the relationship. I think it's completely fine and sensible to date someone you like regardless of their age, it just might be subject to social stigma from those around you.

[Original Poster]
Ok.
So...
They date. But no physical contact at all. And that's legal?
Cool.
And they could just keep their sexual activity and stuff secretive. Obviously if someone found out about it or there was evidence to prove it happened, then it would be taken into legal matters.
But to the public eye, it's a perfectly legal, non-physical, relationship.

[Lexington]

^ Yes. But perhaps you've learned - people are notorious for gossiping. It's quite possible that the facade is totally maintained, but people start talking anyway. The couple may be safe legally, but they may be shunned socially. I'm not saying that will happen, or even probably will, but it's a definite possibility.

Lex

[tehnathan]

I started typing and realized that what I was going to say had already been said. :p

But yeah, just be careful, that's all.