Cataclysm and ambivalence.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to do. My parent(s) have now cut my internet time and while it may not seem sensible to be sad about this, it's an important thing to me. They are treating me like a child, which I am not. Being that I have horrible social skills it's just not feasible to expect me to get better at making friends in real life. In addition, I also seem to be in a deep depression and insomnia cycle again (this can last for a few days to a few months). I cannot get help, I will not degrade myself by asking for it and that's that.

It's only a few years now until I can leave this mess indefinitely and I need activities to keep me occupied for roughly two and a half to three years. I need to take my mind off of this, it is a necessity. Of course, the obvious solution is to just try to get help - but my pride is not something I will give up without much struggle. It is an extremely serious matter. The methods which I am applying to this situation are obviously quite self-destructive, but this is my own decision. Please do not suggest that I try to get help, professional or otherwise because I do not desire it at this moment in time.

A summary of this is that I want actions to perform for a few years while I wait for the glorious time at which I may live alone and be my own person completely. They must be interesting and occupying. Please suggest anything, I am quite willing to try anything.

C'est la vie, just for now.

[Jim1454]

What in the world are you talking about?!?!?

Are you looking for things you can quietly do in your bedroom to occupy your time for the next 2.5 to 3 YEARS?!?!? Can you not see how counter productive this is?

You need to put in the next 2.5 to 3 years by LIVING YOUR LIFE! Being MORE social if you think you're bad at it? Because what, exactly, are you going to do when you spring back out into the world 3 years from now? Your social skills will have gotten worse, not better.

And taking the approach "I'm going to punish myself to punish my parents" is rather silly too! If you're that unhappy with your parents, you should be milking them for everything you can get out of them. And that would include therapy, if that's what you think you need - but are too proud to ask for.

You say it yourself - your approach is 'self destructive'. Why are any of us going to provide you with helpful ways to be self destructive?!?

I know you're mad right now. But how can you make the situation better? I'd suggest that you need to talk to your parents about this. If they're as evil or dumb as you suggest they are, you need to educate them. If you're depressed, you need help. You shouldln't be further isolated from people, you should be given access to your friends - even if that is via the internet.

But perhaps we're not getting the whole story here. Why have they limited your interet access? Were you not able to live up to the household rules? Did you fail to keep your end of a bargain?

I'm sorry if I come across as harsh, but posting anonymously about something like this makes it difficult for us to provide worthwhile advice. And to suggest that you would like to 'kill time' for the next 3 years, when life is SO PRECIOUS, just makes me a little mad! :tantrum:

[Anonymous]

What in the world are you talking about?!?!?

Are you looking for things you can quietly do in your bedroom to occupy your time for the next 2.5 to 3 YEARS?!?!? Can you not see how counter productive this is?

You need to put in the next 2.5 to 3 years by LIVING YOUR LIFE! Being MORE social if you think you're bad at it? Because what, exactly, are you going to do when you spring back out into the world 3 years from now? Your social skills will have gotten worse, not better.

And taking the approach "I'm going to punish myself to punish my parents" is rather silly too! If you're that unhappy with your parents, you should be milking them for everything you can get out of them. And that would include therapy, if that's what you think you need - but are too proud to ask for.

You say it yourself - your approach is 'self destructive'. Why are any of us going to provide you with helpful ways to be self destructive?!?

I know you're mad right now. But how can you make the situation better? I'd suggest that you need to talk to your parents about this. If they're as evil or dumb as you suggest they are, you need to educate them. If you're depressed, you need help. You shouldln't be further isolated from people, you should be given access to your friends - even if that is via the internet.

But perhaps we're not getting the whole story here. Why have they limited your interet access? Were you not able to live up to the household rules? Did you fail to keep your end of a bargain?

I'm sorry if I come across as harsh, but posting anonymously about something like this makes it difficult for us to provide worthwhile advice. And to suggest that you would like to 'kill time' for the next 3 years, when life is SO PRECIOUS, just makes me a little mad! :tantrum:
We appear to have a difference of opinion, which I am very content to accept. But that doesn't subtract from the fact that I have a strong desire to not get professional help right now. It's my own business, my want is to keep my parents out of my affairs. It's not for them to be educated about, I am not trying to punish them. That's rather an odd conclusion to draw, but I suppose if you think that then I've now cleared up this misconception. I don't want to hurt them, it is not my goal.

As for your other question, yes, I failed in some way to adhere to "house rules" by staying on the internet for a period which was prohibited. But, guess what; I have no other friends, so why actually bother? I'll be sad either way. All alone all day with no one to talk to: it seems rather logical to stay up a little later just to talk to people who are my friends.

My opinion is that I am unlucky to be in this situation - I can fix whatever my methods result in later. I repeat my original request of wanting things to occupy me until I can live happily.

[Lexington]

The attitude that "not asking for help" should equate to "keeping one's pride" is a prevalent one. And, to my way of thinking, a totally misguided one.

Human beings are social creatures. We don't live up in caves never talking to anyone if we can help it. We interact with other people on a regular basis, and rely on them for everything from our food to our health. No man is an island, as they say. We all need the assistance of others to get through life.

Recently, I started falling into a depression. Having been here once before, I recognized the signs. I could've "kept my pride", not told anyone, and tried to fumble through it without anybody knowing. I said "Screw that." There's no shame in needing help. We all do from time to time, and this was mine. Now I'm back on track, and already well on the mend. My worst days now beat my best days a month ago.

Does this mean I've lost my pride? Not at all. I'm just honest about what I am and where I am. I'm not superhuman. Like everybody else, I need help from time to time. And why not ask for it when you need it?

Lex

[tehnathan]

I know what you mean about inadequate social skills.

It's been an almost lifelong battle to learn things that other people take for granted.

While I was growing up, I kept to myself and had (almost) no friends. I find social gatherings to be awkward even to this day.

Just throwing that out there - so you're not alone. I hope I'm not diverging from the topic too much.

[Anonymous]

Just throwing that out there - so you're not alone. I hope I'm not diverging from the topic too much.
Not at all, thank you for sharing your experience.

Anyway, my primary request is for things to do to occupy me; not information as to why I should ask for help. It's not going to happen. If you can give me things to do, then please do so, but I don't really desire any other advice. I hope I'm not being too rude - but I really just want one thing and one thing only.

[Lexington]

It's amazing how much I knew at age 14.
And how little I knew by age 21.

Enjoy the trip.

Lex

[Anonymous]

I'm unsure that what you said is particularly relevant, but thank you.

[Anonymous]

Since you seem fixated on your request for stuff to do alone in your room...

I can think of a few... reading, art (drawing and stuff), writing, even exercising. All of these are good for reflecting, take your mind off negative stuff, and inspiration.

Speaking of inspiration, you say who have no friends... but unless you never leave your house, you do have real possibilities to at least have some acquaintances. I've known some pretty anti-social people and there's always an opening for them somewhere. Some people out there are jerks, but a lot of them are ready to talk to anyone, how "uncool" they may be.

As for your parents, it's probable one of the reason they try to limit your Internet access is that they find you don't spend enough time doing other things, for example being with real-life friends. Even if you may not like it, they're trying to do what's best for you. So I would at least negociate with them and find an agreement that works for both of you.

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

good for your parents in trying to help you! i hate therapy but it can help you. and being too proud? psh! do it anyway if you want to ever be happy. i have one friend and its all i need. i don't do aynthing either. but at least with therapy (i only go for the happy pills) i can be happy being myself. so you'll never get better if you don't try!

[tehnathan]

Anyway, my primary request is for things to do to occupy me; not information as to why I should ask for help. It's not going to happen. If you can give me things to do, then please do so, but I don't really desire any other advice. I hope I'm not being too rude - but I really just want one thing and one thing only.

I wasn't going to give any anyway, because at the time, I had have none to give.

But from re-reading Lexington's comment (which is brilliant, by the way)...

When I need help, pride doesn't enter into it - I ask, and I'm not shy about doing it. It may mean talking to family, talking to friends, talking to a professional, fine with me.

Look at it this way, the problem is not going to go away if you don't deal with it - so deal with it (that was really not meant as bluntly as it looks). Swallow your pride if you have to. Visit a therapist/counsellor/etc if it's going to help you, and it will - but you have to be willing to be helped.

Problems don't go away if you don't deal with them, and it took me years to learn that. Let's hope it doesn't take you as long.

So what do you do when there's no Internet? Go to the library and find a book to read. Talk to friends. Visit friends. Make new friends. Go for a walk. Listen to music. It's what I do when I'm bored of the Internet (well not so much the 'make friends' part).

- Nathan