Drinking

[Anonymous]

I have been drinking rather a lot lately. Always with others, and never alone, but I tend to get rather drunk. Whilst drunk I have occasionally come out to people (but never anyone I had never intended to originally), and I'm generally really stupid, and sometimes get really miserable, sometimes really happy.

The thing is, I don't think that I'm drinking that much, but several of my friends have mentioned that they're concerned about me. I appreciate their concern, but I think that it is because it is out of character, and I was never in a position to drink before, rather than because I have an alcohol problem. I don't think about alcohol ever when I'm not drinking, and I never drink alone - it's just that when we go out as friends, I will get rather drunk. I think that this is because I feel safe with them, and am not afraid of drinking. Before I came out to them, I was afraid of drinking because I might say something; but now that they know it doesn't matter. Therefore, they are worried about my increased drinking (which has never put me anywhere near danger btw) merely because it is uncharacteristic, even though it is because of my increased comfort around them.

I have tried to explain this to them but I am not sure they believe me. I have voluntarily said that I won't drink over a certain amount for a while, to demonstrate my good will, but I feel that that is reigning me in when I feel so liberated.

A part of me is obviously concerned that they may have a point, but I have never been in danger or done anything stupid - I have merely got much more drunk than they are used to me getting.

So I suppose - how do I convince them that I'm not an alcoholic, just someone who wants to have fun?

[Bromptonrocks]

You've said you've spoken to your friends but I think you really need to speak to them - even individually. They can't all be wrong, can they?

Ask them to spell out their concerns and why they don't believe you. See where that takes you. At the end of the day, they're concerned for you but I also see where you're coming from. You could go round in circles for ever with this one with neither party believing the other.

Is one of your friends particularly close to you? Ask him/her.

Keep us informed. (*hug*)

[Lexington]

How do you feel in the morning? Can you still get up and function, or do you have a major hangover, and it's a struggle to get up?

Lex

[Anonymous]

[Original Poster]

I've never actually missed anything in the morning after drinking, although I have turned up to appointments still drunk, although I am quite convincingly sober. When I wake up on normal (not hungover) mornings the idea of drinking doesn't go through my head at all.

I suppose I'm posting because whilst I really do not believe I have a problem, and am actually exceedingly sensible, something at the back of my head is nagging me that all these friends can't be wrong. But then I do think they're overreacting to me loosening up a bit. But then I am really rather depressed. But I don't know. I really don't want to stop drinking, because I really like it - but it's not something I *have* to do, and I can go for weeks without doing so, depending upon whether my friends go out or not.

I don't know. How much drink is too much, if you're not putting yourself in danger? I mean, it could just be that my friends are a sensible bunch or something. I really don't know.

[Lexington]

There's some warning signs. Your friends' reactions for one. And you being depressed is another. After all, alcohol IS a depressant, and you apparently don't need any help in that realm.

Why not try cutting back for awhile? Pick a limit - two, three, whatever - and stick with it for a week or two. See how you feel at the other end of it.

Lex

[Anonymous]

[Original Poster]

Thank you for the advice. I have decided to listen to my friends - even though I don't think I have a problem, I am going to cut down anyway, and see what happens. I just don't want to be wrong in this, because at the end of the my health and my relationships with my friends are far more important than an extra drink or two. But thank you for the advice - it is always helpful to get an outside opinion, from people who are not caught up in your life. :)

[Jim1454]

You knew it wouldn't be long before I added my two cents worth here... :icon_bigg

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought, and that's good. I would suggest you continue to think about why you drink the way you do, when you do. Are there underlying feelings that you're NOT dealing with when you drink?

Try going out with your friends and not drinking at all. Don't set limits and stuff - just don't drink at all. If you're really concerned that you might have a problem, don't have anything to drink for 90 days. What's the harm?

But when you do that, be conscious of other habits that you might pick up instead. Think about if you're having any cravings. Consider if you're having withdrawal symptoms.

To me - it doesn't sound like you have a serious drinking problem. However, you might want to learn to have a good time without alcohol. Then every once in a while you can be the designated driver. :icon_wink

[Jenni7117]

I would say listen to what your friends have to say because they are on the outside watching you. Sometimes thats a pretty good view..Coming from experience, its hard to be friends with someone who has a drinking problem(you might not have one in your eyes, and that could be true), expecially when you care about them a lot...My advice would be to talk to them a little about whats making you depressed, with out being drunk, and see if you feel better...stick to a few drinks rather than getting drunk

[Anonymous]

You knew it wouldn't be long before I added my two cents worth here... :icon_bigg

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought, and that's good. I would suggest you continue to think about why you drink the way you do, when you do. Are there underlying feelings that you're NOT dealing with when you drink?

Try going out with your friends and not drinking at all. Don't set limits and stuff - just don't drink at all. If you're really concerned that you might have a problem, don't have anything to drink for 90 days. What's the harm?

But when you do that, be conscious of other habits that you might pick up instead. Think about if you're having any cravings. Consider if you're having withdrawal symptoms.

To me - it doesn't sound like you have a serious drinking problem. However, you might want to learn to have a good time without alcohol. Then every once in a while you can be the designated driver. :icon_wink

[Original Poster]

I have considered not drinking at all for a certain amount of time - but it really stresses me to think of going out and not drinking, not because I want to drink, but because I am shy. But then, I don't know. I also talk a lot about things when I am drunk, which I don't normally talk about (but which I want to talk about; I don't regret talking to people). I *ought* to be able to not drink a few times. Maybe I should try that and see what happens, and if I can do it.

Life has been very stressful of late, and I'm not sure what's happening - but whilst I don't think I have a serious problem, I do realise that now is the time to act, rather than when it is serious. I'll let you know how it goes. :)

[Jim1454]

[Original Poster]

I have considered not drinking at all for a certain amount of time - but it really stresses me to think of going out and not drinking, not because I want to drink, but because I am shy. But then, I don't know. I also talk a lot about things when I am drunk, which I don't normally talk about (but which I want to talk about; I don't regret talking to people). I *ought* to be able to not drink a few times. Maybe I should try that and see what happens, and if I can do it.

Life has been very stressful of late, and I'm not sure what's happening - but whilst I don't think I have a serious problem, I do realise that now is the time to act, rather than when it is serious. I'll let you know how it goes. :)

I hear you, but using alcohol to overcome anxiety on a regular basis is NOT a trend you want to start. If you're out with these same friends, surely they'll be supportive and you'll have just as good a time - or at least feel at ease.

Just drink 'virgin' drinks... so you're going through the motions. Relax, and try chatting just as you would if you HAD been drinking. It gets easier.

(I'll admit that I *think* that I have more fun when I've had a few drinks. However, if you and your friends are a little concerned about your behaviour, then it is perhaps the right time to try a change.)

If you're under stress right now, exercise is a great way to deal with that. So when your out with your friends, dance up a storm! The exercise will feel good!

[Nicvcer]

When my brother gets drunk I hate the person he becomes. I know he's uber happy because he's drunk, but I just can't stand when he's that way. Perhaps your friends are just seeing the drunk side of you and they don't like it very much, its nothing against the sober-you.

Maybe you should be the DD for a while and give your friends a chance to drink.