Confused, but first public step!

[mattyinphoenix]

Hi everyone,

I'm so glad there is a site like this. My name is Matt and I am a 42 year old male. I'm not sure if I am bi or gay. I have always dated women, but my first sexual encounter was with a male friend at 13 and continued a handful of times til I was 17. At 20 I had a dream about another high school friend (who had shown me mags of men a year before, I freaked out).and woke-up turned on like never before. I couldn't stop thinking about having sex with him. When I got home from summer break I called and went to his house and told him I was interested in being with him. This went on about every 6 months til I was 23.

I continued to always date women and thought this was a faze. I moved to California where I was with my 1st 100% gay man (he had never been with a woman). This went on with various men til about 35. It was here when I stopped feeling guilty. I admitted to myself I was bisexual. I still dated women, but over the last five years I have become very attracted to men. I look at the Calvin Klein underwear models in the stores or a gay man starts to talk to me and my heart starts racing.

The whole problem here is I am attracted to women and men, but I don't know if I'm saying I'm bisexual, because I have not opennly tried being gay (I've always been in the closet).

I am deffinitely more relaxed in bed with a man and the desire has been stronger and stronger since my first encounter at 13.

Sorry for being so long, I have had nobody to get feedback from. All my friends think I'm straight.

Thanks,
Matt :) :)

[Half-Light]

Welcome, and I hope get help finding who you are on this site. This place is awesome!!!! Go EC!!!

[step49x]

Hello, and welcome!

I'm not sure how much I know about bisexuality, but if you find yourself wanting to have sex with both men and women, you're probably bisexual. You can have a preference for guys or girls, but if you want to have sex with both, you're bi.

Well, good luck figuring everything out! We have a number of bisexual people here that can probably give you a lot more advice on this than I can...

[Will1975]

Welcome to EC.. I don't have much help for you either.. I can tell you that in the past I have had sex with woman... Not because I wanted it, but mainly because that the way things are supposed to be.. Or at least that is what I thought.. I am 31 y/o and working on finding gay companionship.. Been fighting it along time.. I guess i thought I was bisexual at times, but really I wasn't interested in woman.. Well I don't know if that helps.. Anyways.. Welcome to EC you will find supportive people here..

[Will1975]

Hey there.. I was just doing some reasearch on the internet.. I found an informative page at http://www.avert.org/hsexu4.htm, they go through stages of coming out.. I can tell you that I found it to be helpful. I would place myself in the confusion stage and beginning to assume a homosexual identity. It is hard.. I am currently looking into a local support group at the college..

The article talks mainly about young men, but I found that the process is the same. I hope the article helps.

It mentions stages like
Sensitisation- Starting to realize you are different.
Confusion- Trying to battle the homosexual feelings.
Assuming gay identity- Sharing with supportive others and acceptance
Commitment- Falling in love and being happy

That is my synopsis.. but it is in much better detail.

Good Luck..
:icon_bigg

[Jim1454]

Hi there. I've just found this site as well and think its great. I'm 35 and in the process of separating from my wife of 9 years. I've admitted to her that i've been with men lately, and while she can't continue in our relationship, she has been very supportive of my situation and my struggle to understand me.

If you want to chat more, let me know.