Tried to come out.

[nathlovesyou]

ok so i have this friend that is a lesbian. I am bi , but i have a boyfriend but my mom dosnt know about the bi thing. So my friend ask me to her prom as just friends. I said yes and told my mom but she said people would start rumors that im gay. She told me she wouldnt pay my prom and kick me out if i go. Then i told her about being bi she told me i was too young to know and that she is going to bring me to a shrink cuz thats not normal. I told her i am going to both proms and if she kicks me out i will go live at my boyfriends... And i told her everyone at school knows im bi so theres no rumors to start. now she is pissed did i handle this well ? what should i do to make her understand??? HELP !!!

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

(*hug*) It sounds like you handled a very hard situation pretty well. Your Mum needs to be helped to understand that being bi is fine and there's no problem. It's good that you're already out at school. Maybe you could talk to her about what she thinks is wrong with bisexuality and explain that you have the same capacity to have loving healthy relationships, just with either sex. You could give her some PFLAG materials, pamphlets and things, because they can help to explain things.

[eclipse]

Dealing with parents is probably the toughest part. I similarly was boxed into the situation and had to deal with my mom's rage for a while. One thing that you should not forget is she will always love you and even though threatened to kick you out, I'm sure she would never do that. It's going to take some time for her to get adjusted. My mom has taken over a year now and still is in denial.

Moving in with your boyfriend probably won't help the situation since it will distance you from your mother even more. It would be a direct contradiction to what she would consider a "safe" home for you. If the situation really calls for moving out, do you have any other family members that knows about you and accepts you? They would probably be more than willing to help you out.

About counseling:
At this point, It's more for her than for you. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea if you actually take the initiative and find a professional that the two of you can talk to. It would end up becoming "acceptance therapy" for her. Beckyg posted a great sticky in the support/advice section on coming out to parents. She linked this webpage for some more help:
http://www.outproud.org/brochure_coming_out.html

Good luck, and keep your chin up! You've come so far already, now it's time to become the parent and help your parents come to accept you for who you are.

[Lexington]

I'd say you could've handled it better. But considering what was going on, and your mother's inflexible attitude, it's totally understandable.

Yes, counseling. If your mother calls them "shrinks", then you're a leg up on her, since she obviously isn't too "in tune" with counseling. :) Do do some research and find one.

Do try to strike a concilatory tone towards your mother. Yeah, she's being a bit witchy, but you did sort of spring something on her, and she didn't have much time to react. Ask if you can talk it over, and try to be REALLY calm through it all. No matter what she says, no matter how dumb her questions or comments seem to sound. Carefully, slowly, calmly explain your point of view, and answer her questions.

I doubt kicking you out is in the cards, but I wouldn't hold that over her head. (In fact, don't even bring it up.) But she CAN withhold payment. She's not required to pay for your prom, and if she doesn't approve of your choice of dates, then she can just not give you the money. Sucks, but there it is. There might be various things you can do to keep the costs way down. Wear the same dress to both proms? Maybe your female date can chip in more than her "share"? Eat at Burger King beforehand? Get to brainstorming.

Lex

[Midnight Angel]

You can't really make her understand, she'll have to get to that point herself which most people do in time. It sounds like she's in the shock/denial phase of it and most likely won't go so far as to kick you out. In the event that she does however it sounds like you have a place to stay which is good on your part. Now all that's left is for her to process it. You did the best you could with it.

[Leigh]

is it true that everyone at school knows?? be careful not to dig yourself into a corner there and be forced to come out.
i think you handled it really well that must have been tough. the only thing i can suggest is PFLAG info for your mum!!!

hope everything works out alright,,

[eclipse]

Okay I'm a little confused here. You posted this same exact issue three times now: twice in this section, and once in the coming out/relationships thread. Whats up?

[Gumtree]

Well to stop any self doubt and confusion i will start with the problem is not you and there's nothing wrong with you at all :)

Secondly, your mother is in the very early stages of acceptance and all you can do to help her is to give her the information she needs to accept you and reassure her that you haven't changed and that after all the years she has known and loved you, you are still the same person. There is going to be no massive lesbian transformation now that she knows!

Finally; i think going to your prom with this girl might mix things up a bit. I know that she said 'just as friends' but try and read into it, does she really mean it? Try not to lead her on; and if you're going to go to the prom with her, make sure it's very clear it's just as friends!

Seek support, give time.

Good luck :)

[Paul_UK]

Okay I'm a little confused here. You posted this same exact issue three times now: twice in this section, and once in the coming out/relationships thread. Whats up?

I have just merged the three threads and cleaned up the resulting mess (duplicate posts etc).

Please post once only for a specific problem, then all the answers are in one place too. :thumbsup: