What's next?

[smartstuff1508]

What's up everyone?! Yeah, I'm still very new to this, not only to the site, but the whole gay thing. I'm 15 and just realized I accepted myself for who I am. It was a gradual, yet difficult process. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel really good about myself and love myself for being me. I can't imagine myself being straight for some weird reason, I guess I was sort of destined for this. But what's next? I want to come out, I'm ready, but I'm not...most likely not. Like the typical gay closeted teen, it's always on my mind, thinking, what if I told them now? I'm starting to imagine it so I've come quite a way. I'm absolutely comfortable with who I am, I just don't know how to lay it all out to those I love. How? When? Where? Since school's out, I'm kind of lonely. lol. I'm looking for that special someone, but don't know how to put myself out on that market, but still be closeted for those who know me. lol. Can't they use their gaydars and detect me? I sort of hang out with the older crowd, around 18, but I'm very interested in someone my age, mostly to get their view on life. I don't know how this simple thread became a becoming of age autobiography, but hopefully someone will read it and know exactly how I feel. Can someone give advice explaining their coming of age and what went on and when things sort of fell in place. Just being a curious 15 year old. It's great to open up what I've been holding in, since this is my first official post. I desperately want someone to talk to about all this, like a mentor or someone going through the same thing, which is only a handful of people here. Thanks for allowing me to open up and thanks for your opinion(s).

SmartStuff :icon_bigg

[RGX Guy]

I'm in the same place you are.
Exact same.

Except I'm bi. And crap I forgot what I was going to say... um oh yeah!

People won't pick up on you with gaydar for the most part. Believe me I know I've known I've liked guys for like 2-3 years and people "think" I am but no one knows.

Which is good and bad.
No taunting but no special guy either. = \

Do you care what people think of you at all?

[smartstuff1508]

Hey thanks! Um...I suppose I care sometimes, but rarely, unless it's people I know personally. Some people think I'm gay, but dumb me, I deny it totally. I know I can trust my true friends, but I don't know if I'm ready. I honestly want to progress in this journey, but am lost. Thanks for the reply. Hope to hear from you more.

[Asteroid]

Hi and welcome to EC!

I think it is great that you have come out to yourself and that you have accepted yourself for who you are. You've come indeed a long way. Congratulations! :)

You have identified a few questions that (truth be told) I'm still asking myself too. From what I have learned going through this journey is that although there are no easy answers everything will slowly fall into place. Coming out to family and friends can take a long time. But there is no rush. It is important that you are ready and feel comfortable with coming out to others. You will know when you are ready. EC has a number of really good resources on coming out to others and will help you to start thinking about and answering some of the questions that you have. Here is the link: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out.php. The advice given on previous threads/posts might also help you in that.

One way to get to know others is by joining GLBT groups for example or a PFLAG chapter in your area. Often they have youth groups and/or events for youths. This might help with getting to know someone that is closer to your age and having someone to talk to.

I hope this helps! Stick around. EC will help you in figuring stuff out.

[smartstuff1508]

Thanks so much, that definitely helped. I just don't know how to be apart of programs such as those without others knowing I'm going there. I don't want to go alone so maybe I could bring a gay friend along. lol. I know some gay people, they suspect me, but I deny it. I admire them, since they are all out of the closet, but they're like 18 so I still have time! No rush, but I would definitely want to meet someone around my age. It's great to talk on this thing, but talking to someone in person would be great...er. I'll check up on those programs. Thanks.

[seanathon]

Well, when I was younger, I was really different from the other boys. It was kinda obvious for me that I was going to be more feminine or different. I hung out with 100% girls (except for one boy, and he turned out to be gay too). I watched Sailor Moon religiously in elementary school...

So people pretty much called me gay before I even knew what it meant. It wasn't a surprise. I came out as "bi" first, then I realized that I didn't like girls. So... around 7th grade I was 'straight', 8th I was 'bi', and then ninth I was gay.

I never had a huge coming out. I just slipped into conversation like everyone knew it all along, because I'm pretty sure they did. I never told my parents. I got outed to my dad and stepmom, they didn't really care. My mom still doesn't know (well, I haven't told her.)

I'm very excited to know that you are happy with yourself, and I can already notice you are a mature individual. Welcome to Empty Closets, and I can't wait to see you around the threads. :]

I'm not the best mentor, but feel free to ask me questions. I'll try my best to answer them promptly and accurately.

[smartstuff1508]

Lol. I was the same as well as many people might be. I didn't like playing with the boys in school. All my friends were girls. I was very and still am feminine, but just my gestures and my way of thinking. I'm a clean freak, I've always hated sports, I'm a singer, how much gayer could I be and how did I not realize it? I knew I was gay since I was like 13, but I always convinced myself it was like a phase or something...a lifelong phase. lol. I always admired guys in that way, but never put the pieces together. lol. I'm not sure how I matured and finally thought this is who I am, I don't like girls! lol. I don't know what's so wrong about it, I just don't like girls, only as friends. (*hug*)

[Asteroid]

Thanks so much, that definitely helped. I just don't know how to be apart of programs such as those without others knowing I'm going there. I don't want to go alone so maybe I could bring a gay friend along. lol. I know some gay people, they suspect me, but I deny it. I admire them, since they are all out of the closet, but they're like 18 so I still have time! No rush, but I would definitely want to meet someone around my age. It's great to talk on this thing, but talking to someone in person would be great...er. I'll check up on those programs. Thanks.

Try finding out if there is a group that is near to where you live or you can get to easily. It might be a bit odd/difficult at first hiding that part but sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. If you do find a group and you decide to go and attend a meeting/event maybe you could 'cover it up' by saying that you're a meeting/hanging out with a friend (if you are concerned about your parents finding out). In that way you're at least half ways truthful with them. It might be difficult or intimidating joining them at first, in particular if you don't have someone that could come with you at this point. But rest assured, GLBT groups or similar groups are a bunch of really nice people that always welcome new members and will make you feel welcome. Hope this helps.

[Jim1454]

Hi and welcome to EC from Jim in Toronto!

You've found the right place. You're now (virtually) surrounded by young people that are taking the same journey. You're challenges aren't unique.

The good news is that you're already aware, and fairly comfortable with being gay. That's more than half the battle as far as I'm concerned. Congratulations!

[RGX Guy]

well since you have some gay friends maybe you could tell one of them and ask them to keep it between the two of you.

Then you can gradually come out instead of "BAM!!!! I'M GAY"