Realizing you're gay stories

[xyc]

I haven't come out much yet. I do think it may be in my near future or maybe far off. So, I'm not through that yet.

However, what I do feel I'm fully through is my realization that I'm gay stage. I find this really interesting for some reason... plus it might be good to talk about.

I said already in my Welcome to the Forums post, but I realized I was gay in Grade 7 (which is 12/13). At the time I had a girlfriend (kind of... she really liked me but I couldn't reciprocate).

One early thing I can remember is driving in a car when I was in Grade 5 about and thinking... 'I'm different... I don't know how but I am.' Then, in Grade 7 everything went confusing... I lost my best friend, everything changed, puberty too I guess. Anyways, I got into this weird battle with myself about 'Am I circumcised or not?' because I'd heard about circumcision and I knew what it was... but I had no idea what it looked like one way or the other. So, I went off on a personal quest to discover if I was circumcised or not... by comparing myself with pics. So, I used the internet to find pictures of penises. I didn't have much luck and at first I felt 'Eww, this is gross... looking for penises... but I'll only need one good pic and then I'll know'. Somehow, I never found just one pic and the subsequent searches maybe helped me realize I was gay...

I can't remember the actual realization. I can remember early on in the year of Grade 7 my friends were arguing and asked me whether Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears was hotter. I remember having no idea and not knowing why at the time. I answered Britney Spears...

A few days ago I can remember that I remembered another event near my realization... but now I've forgotten what it is...

Anyways, please share your stories if you want. I find it interesting and maybe we'll discover the cause of this disease called homosexuality by exploring the critical points of realization... (just kidding , obviously, on that last bit) :eusa_danc

Okay...

[goratrix]

That is interesting. Somehow I fell I've known all along, and that's why I was never able to have a steady relationship with a girl. Although, finally and conciously knowing... oh, well... It started with a friend. We were 11y.o., although he was already developing into a teen. He had pubic hair and the hint facial hair. We were really close, we went to the club all the summer, spending almost every night at neach other's. And then his family invited me to the beach. Of course our parents took care of everything, but I went there.

It was cool, cause they had two flats, and while we all lived in one, the other one was empty. And we would go there at noon (too much sun, and we didn't want to get sunburn) and just play something. I think it was then I realized I was gay... although it took me quiet a while to accept it.

We were there and I just grabbed his groin. He got instantly hard, and even though he kept pushing me away I kept going for it, and asking him to grab mine as well. He didn't. Although after a little he came. And I felt somehow different.

We never spoke of it again, and then we lost contact. We still talk online from time to time, but we are not friends any more.

[Paul_UK]

I think for me it was one week when I was watching and lusting over this guy at the railway station (who I have mentioned in other threads) when I was about 17. It was a sort of logical deduction - "I should be attracted to girls but instead I'm attracted boys so that means I must be..................... gay".

The realisation actually shocked me because of its simplicity and obviousness, and because it seemed to me (then) such a dreadful thing to be.

There was then ten years of denial leading to gradual acceptance before I came out to myself at 27.

Paul.

[Lava421]

In second or third grade we were let outside in the snow for recess. My friend was carving breasts into our igloo and complimenting them. In my head I said I would prefer a different, male body-part on the igloo. While walking back to class, I wondered why I didn't share his interest. It hit me then. I didn't like this conclusion but I accepted it during this time although there was still some doubt.

In fourth grade I was attracted to a kid in my class. After having a dream about this kid, I had another realization as if the first one didn't happen. It hit me harder this time. I told myself I would get over my male attraction and soon be straight.

This thought process led to around seventh grade. I thought that one day I would quit checking out guys and permanently be attracted to only girls. (The remainder of this paragraph might be a bit descriptive, sorry :icon_razz .) I told myself I would quit masturbating to thoughts of males and think about females instead. I found it difficult to replace the sexes in my fantasies so I procastinated my attempts to switch sexualities. I eventually tried it a few times but the thoughts didn't arouse me. When I tried to do it I masturbated solely for the sensation.

Around seventh grade I accepted it but I was afraid of others' opinions. My inability to control my mannerisms took a toll on my ego. I felt like I couldn't hide my sexuality well so it wouldn't matter if I were somewhat flamboyant.

By ninth grade I had control of my mannerisms and could pass as straight, at least that's what I was told. :wink:

My memory's fuzzier than it seems. I know at times I would wonder why I wasn't attracted to females although I had established my sexuality. For example, when a girl asked me who I liked, I wondered why I didn't like any girls. It seems I forgot my sexuality a few times and had several realizations.

[joeyconnick]

I have the best "realising you're gay" story ever. At least I think so. It's just so me.

So way back when I was 15 and in Grade 10, I was reading a fantasy novel by an author I had never read before, Mercedes Lackey (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index%3Dbooks%26field-author%3DMercedes%20Lackey). The book was called Magic's Pawn (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0886773520).

Anyway, I'm reading away, going through the first part of the book, and I'm thinking to myself, "Gee, I totally identify with this Vanyel guy" (the main character). Then I get to page 70 or so and *bam*, Vanyel comes out.

And I'm like... "Oh yeah, I was just relating to him because he felt so lonely and isolated. It's not that he was gay." (Oh my gosh I was the biggest denial case ever.)

Of course, I (avidly) continue reading the book, the next two books in the series, and pretty much everything Mercedes Lackey had written at that point, telling myself how cool I was because my classmates at my all-boys private school would have stopped reading as soon as it was revealed he liked boys.

And that is the story of how I realised I was gay at age 15 but didn't admit it, not even to myself, until I was nearly 20. Yeah, it's pretty tragic: I lodged myself in the closet quite firmly for nearly 5 years. And not that wussy closetness where people are like "I know I'm gay but I'm not gonna breathe a word of it." We're talking FULL METAL CLOSET here--total denial, I was straight. Really. And if it so happened that it was a lot easier to get off thinking about my classmates than it was thinking about girls, well... it was just that I envied their bodies. Sure. That's what it was. Envy. Ah yes... I was greener than Kermit The Frog.

I guess I wasn't as straight as I thought, though, cuz when I told one of my high school friends a few years after, he told me that me being gay was like him being Asian.

You can all :eusa_clap now. *grin*

Fantasy novels made me gay. I mean, he frickin' talks to a girly white horse with his mind. How gay is that?!

[hawkeye]

I remember back in 6th grade, how i liked the other guys in my class (sidenote for irony: i went to a catholic school). Of course, i just kind of figured that i was going through a phase. I have had a personal computer since around then (like, nobody else uses my computer, everythings completely private), so i had easy access to porn, and i remember figruring that I was getting bored with straight porn and just wanted something different.
Then, to put me back further in accepting myself completely, i remember after a school dance in 8th grade, a friend came over to my house, and we came across my older brother. I completely forget what we were talking about, i think it was about girls, more specificly, lesbians, and he mentioned that many teens go through a stage of questioning their own sexuality, even guys, but most guys wont admit it. So here i'm thinking "I am normal, this will all pass over". At least i got the first part right.

Just a point to bring off of that, my friend(the one in this story) is into lesbian porn, and i remember asking him, "whats the point? where do you put yourself in the situation? and how would you feel if you're in a room with lesbians, but they want nothing to do with you". well, now i have a question rationalizing being gay to people into this same mindset (that lesbians are (for a lack of a better word) enertaining). I think i'd ask "well, you're into lesbians, doesnt there have to be people on the other end of the scale?"

[joeyconnick]

This thought process led to around seventh grade. I thought that one day I would quit checking out guys and permanently be attracted to only girls. (The remainder of this paragraph might be a bit descriptive, sorry :icon_razz .) I told myself I would quit masturbating to thoughts of males and think about females instead. I found it difficult to replace the sexes in my fantasies so I procastinated my attempts to switch sexualities. I eventually tried it a few times but the thoughts didn't arouse me. When I tried to do it I masturbated solely for the sensation.I totally went through that too. Thinking about women just didn't work like thinking about guys did. *grin*

[Paul_UK]

Me too. I guess many of us did (or still do) in our days of trying to deny ourselves.