How to be gay?

[goratrix]

Well... This question is a bit weird... I have decided to come out, and I am comfortable with it. Although I don't know how. I mean... should I tell people: I'm gay... or should I just act as I normally would?

I am asking for examples... should I comment on how hot I think a guy is? should I ask my friends for advice on my AC issue?...

So... for those of you that are out... how do you do it? How do you make people realize that you are gay, without being obvious, or acting affeminate?

[blueboomer]

Firstly, congradulations on your decision :eusa_danc . secondly, i guess that all really depends on what your comfortable with. personally i don't say anything, and if the subject comes up then i'll adress it. however i would'nt really go around greeting people with "hi, i'm goratrix, and i'm gay", because it will seem that your sexuality is more important than you are. plus it really throws people off when you do that (or at least it throws me off).

also, i would think about who i'm telling and how they may react, because, sadly, there are some very intolerant people in the world, and we should always exercise caution.

this is what has worked for me, and hopefully it'll give you some ideas as well.

take care
blue

[joeyconnick]

I think the key is to simply be honest and act as you "normally" would. I mean, straight people (especially teenage guys) are forever going on about who they think is hot so some of that is completely reasonable. Similarly, asking for advice on relationship-related stuff seems reasonable too, although your friends might think they aren't qualified to give you advice, which is probably partially true and partially false.

I would STRONGLY advise AGAINST "acting gay" unless that's how you would normally act or feel like acting. I have seen a lot of young queer people go through this--to me--bizarre and disturbing transformation where they've completely remade themselves in the image of what they consider "gay." When you come out, you are essentially joining a new community or identifying with a new group, so some changes are to be expected. But I think it's particularly problematic with gay people because they've grown up feeling extremely isolated from any kind of group belonging and often once they come out, their tremendous sense of relief at finally "fitting in" leads them to overcompensate in the embracing of that by doing things, saying things, and acting in ways they might not normally if they sat back a second and thought about it.

I'm not saying don't explore and experiment... just always make sure you are doing it because you want to and not because you think you have to to "be gay." There is no one correct way to "be gay." This is homosexuality, not Catholicism. :lol:

[TriBi]

As usual I think Joey said it all pretty well - blue too.

I think the key is just "be yourself" and choose the moment and the person(s) you want to come out to reasonably carefully.

Once you have done that, and are comfortable with it, I would try and be honest about who you are, but not go around throwing the fact that you are gay in peoples faces.

As was said before, it is "you" who are important, not your sexuality.

[goratrix]

So... I will just keep acting like I do. Because I make no effort to hide my sexuality. Except that perhaps I should cut back with the joking arround with other guys like touching and making sexy faces and stuff... it might make them uncomfortab...

I guess that once I get more and more comfortable with myself I'll do what comes naturally... again, I'm overthinking things.

[tinkergeek]

Just be yourself. If you are the type of person to joke around, then joke around. People will either love ya or hate ya. Of course, making those straight guys squirm can be quite entertaining...

My favorite is playing foot-sy under a table.. Get another gay bud and gang up on the unsuspecting straight guy. True, it is quite mean, but don't straight girls get free reign to do it to us???

[Aaron]

When I started coming out I just told people. My closets friends first and then other people. Now, I just tell people if they ask, and am completely open about it if they do. When I came out I did it at camp. All it took was one or two people and the whoe camp knew - that's how I wanted it. :eusa_danc

[freakoffashion01]

Firstly, congradulations on your decision :eusa_danc . secondly, i guess that all really depends on what your comfortable with. personally i don't say anything, and if the subject comes up then i'll adress it. however i would'nt really go around greeting people with "hi, i'm goratrix, and i'm gay", because it will seem that your sexuality is more important than you are. plus it really throws people off when you do that (or at least it throws me off). blue




I did the same when I first started coming out. If the subject came up, I would simply answer that question "Are you gay?" with "yeah." The simplest way to do it without asserting it, which can make people think it is more imortant than who YOU are. Granted it is who you are, but not the only thing that defines who you are. :icon_smil

[Revan46]

My best advice is just be yourself. Really you'll know what to do. Just listen to your heart and your conscience, you'll know what's right.

[joeyconnick]

I took out an ad in the paper. Well, not exactly, but I had a whole half-page spread with photo done in one of the two local dailies here, with the text being something I'd written on coming out. That was kinda fun... later I found out that it had been posted in the staff room of my old high school. Eeep! Still, kinda cool since it was a really stuffy, conservative all-boys private school.